I've found a lot of blogs devoted to various 'n sundry recipes 'n tho't about this one I wrote for my g'daughters one demented morning a couple years ago.......
DRAGONS EGGS
Justin Other Smith
Now it’s a well known fact that one dragons egg will feed a multitude. Well, a small multitude anyway. Three or four kids and a small dog. Not a pure bred dog, mind you. Only mongrel dogs are strong enough to digest dragon eggs. Mongrel dogs and ten year old boys.
Ten year old girls, of course, are a different matter entirely. Not that they aren’t tough enough. I never ever would say something like that. It’s just that ten year old girls are simply something else altogether but that’s a story better told another day. Preferably another day well into the future.
Now there are several difficulties encountered when a band of ten year old boys and a small mongrel dog are set upon having dragon eggs for breakfast. Or even lunch.
The first difficulty, and I’m not going to lie to you about this, the first difficulty is obtaining a dragons egg. This can be a really hard task. That’s why it’s essential to have a small mongrel dog. Preferably one that’s on the scruffy side.
Small scruffy mongrel dogs are the best dragon hunting dogs in the whole world. And you have to go dragon hunting in the early, early morning. Before the dragon wakes up. Because when the dragon is awake, there is absolutely no way in the world that you’re going to get a chance to steal an egg. And rest assured, the only way you’re going to get a dragons egg is to steal one.
So the only way to steal a dragons egg is to sneak up on the dragon while it’s sleeping. And that means that you can ‘t let the small scruffy mongrel dog bark. Because the barking of small scruffy mongrel dogs absolutely infuriate dragons. And trust me on this, you don’t want to be around an infuriated dragon. Heckfire, Dragons aren’t that pleasant to be around even when they’re in a good mood.
Now, let’s assume that you’ve found a sleeping dragon and obeying that old adage of “let the sleeping dragon lie,” you muzzled the small scruffy mongrel dog and made away with the dragons egg.
The next difficulty you’re going to encounter is... how do you crack a dragons egg open. It ain’t no chicken eggshell. This is one tough baby. And speaking of tough babies, you better make sure that it’s a fresh egg because if you open it up and find a baby dragon inside, you’re really in trouble.
Because Baby Dragon is going to be scared. And when he’s scared, Baby Dragon is going to let out a shriek that will deafen most humans. Well, maybe not ten year old boys but most normal humans. And when Baby Dragon shrieks, Mama Dragon is going to wake up and that’s not going to be a pretty sight.
Anyway, let’s assume that you’ve managed to acquire a fresh dragon egg and you’re well away from Mama Dragon. How do you crack this really tough shell that’s as hard as any rock you’ve ever encountered?
You could smash it with a car but there aren’t many ten year old boys that can drive. Well, maybe they could drive but nobody in their right mind would ever let a ten year old boy drive their car. You could ask an older boy to smash it with a car. Most sixteen year old boys are dumb enough to do that. But you’d have the egg spread all over the street and that’s no good.
You could drop it from the top of a tall building but then the egg would spread all over the sidewalk and that’s no good either.
What you do is put the egg in a really large skillet and get really high in a big tree or on a rooftop or something and drop big rocks on it until it begins to crack. After that, it’s easy. You just hit it with baseball bats or big sticks until it opens up and the egg runs out.
Then you cook it over medium heat and salt and pepper to taste.
I like mine scrambled, with ketchup.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Twilight
Age dims the sight
as surely as drifting day
turns into night
and fades to grey
that which once was black and white.
as surely as drifting day
turns into night
and fades to grey
that which once was black and white.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Theoretical Epiphany.....
theory
noun ( pl. -ries)
a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something: Darwin's theory of evolution.
In theory, things can only get better; in practice, they may well become a lot worse.
epiphany |i?pif?n?|
noun ( pl. -nies) (also Epiphany)
• a moment of sudden revelation or insight.
In theory then, anyone may have an epiphany. It ain’t against the law ‘n you can have more’n one in a lifetime. Heck, I have it on good authority that actors have them with amazing regularity. So, I had an epiphany....so what.....I think I’ve had more’n one but when y’get to be my age, you get forgetful....it’s called ‘oldtimers disease’....
anyways when I saw the view from the Hubble of the never-ending universe, I had a sort of epiphany....I mean, it wasn’t anything that I hadn’t already known in some recess of the incalculable universe that is the human mind, but nevertheless it dawned on me that simply because humans think that everything must have a beginning and an ending that it ain’t necessarily so....to quote George (or maybe Ira) Gershwin, I disremember which was the lyricist....
anyways I digress.....let’s take water, just for an example....the world has the same amount of water that it has always had, no more, no less.....well, according to our questionable science anyway....and it constantly recycles...we can have periods of extended drought.....no matter, the world still has the same amount of water.....we can have unusually heavy storms with lots of flooding, maybe even biblical proportions, I dunno....but according to our scientists, the world still has the same amount of water...so however Earth came to be, cut out of whole cloth maybe....the proportions have remained the same...shifted around a bit, we have evidence of that.. well, our somewhat shaky science has what we think is evidence....can we really get our minds around the concept of the chicken and the egg arriving at the same time....ah well, the really interesting thing about theories is that they can’t be proven. Or disproven. You can argue either side...or both. Maybe that’s why we invented Lawyers.....
noun ( pl. -ries)
a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something: Darwin's theory of evolution.
In theory, things can only get better; in practice, they may well become a lot worse.
epiphany |i?pif?n?|
noun ( pl. -nies) (also Epiphany)
• a moment of sudden revelation or insight.
In theory then, anyone may have an epiphany. It ain’t against the law ‘n you can have more’n one in a lifetime. Heck, I have it on good authority that actors have them with amazing regularity. So, I had an epiphany....so what.....I think I’ve had more’n one but when y’get to be my age, you get forgetful....it’s called ‘oldtimers disease’....
anyways when I saw the view from the Hubble of the never-ending universe, I had a sort of epiphany....I mean, it wasn’t anything that I hadn’t already known in some recess of the incalculable universe that is the human mind, but nevertheless it dawned on me that simply because humans think that everything must have a beginning and an ending that it ain’t necessarily so....to quote George (or maybe Ira) Gershwin, I disremember which was the lyricist....
anyways I digress.....let’s take water, just for an example....the world has the same amount of water that it has always had, no more, no less.....well, according to our questionable science anyway....and it constantly recycles...we can have periods of extended drought.....no matter, the world still has the same amount of water.....we can have unusually heavy storms with lots of flooding, maybe even biblical proportions, I dunno....but according to our scientists, the world still has the same amount of water...so however Earth came to be, cut out of whole cloth maybe....the proportions have remained the same...shifted around a bit, we have evidence of that.. well, our somewhat shaky science has what we think is evidence....can we really get our minds around the concept of the chicken and the egg arriving at the same time....ah well, the really interesting thing about theories is that they can’t be proven. Or disproven. You can argue either side...or both. Maybe that’s why we invented Lawyers.....
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Down by the riverside......
Ain’t this transitional weather a kick in the old patootie..
Mark Twain described the weather in northern California as ‘year-round’ summer ‘n I s’poze compared to the weather back in what was then referred to as ‘the States’...it surely was.
The transition from summer to winter, like the transition from winter to summer, what other climes refer to as Spring ‘n Fall, is subtle here in the Sackamenna Valley....Spring moves northward at about twenty miles a day which means that the duration here is about five hours or so...’n the way to recognize Autumn here on the banks of the American River is the gov’t mandated time change when almost ev’rybody turns their clocks backward an hour on a designated Sunday thereby signalling the PC among us to put away their white clothing ‘n sandals.....’course, no one in California ever puts away their sunglasses ‘n the very cautious still use sunblock ev’ry day....at least until the rain ‘n fog appears ‘n that’s usually around Christmas-time (I don’t know how other religions mark the coming of winter ‘n frankly I don’t care)....My teenage grandson recently remarked on FB that he was no longer a Christian ‘n I’m wondering if we still have to give him a Christmas present....’course, maybe he’ll still embrace Christianity for a couple weeks in December but I may be cynical (comes with dotage, don’cha know).....
Anyways.....the sun is shining, there’s a coolish breeze ‘n the leaves on the liquidamber trees have all gone red....’n I need t’make a run to Costco so’s they won’t go bellyup in this recovering economy...well, that’s what the administration dogs say...trouble is, I’m old enuff to remember all the jokes from the last depression about prosperity being just around the corner ‘n I ain’t gonna hold my breath for it....
Mark Twain described the weather in northern California as ‘year-round’ summer ‘n I s’poze compared to the weather back in what was then referred to as ‘the States’...it surely was.
The transition from summer to winter, like the transition from winter to summer, what other climes refer to as Spring ‘n Fall, is subtle here in the Sackamenna Valley....Spring moves northward at about twenty miles a day which means that the duration here is about five hours or so...’n the way to recognize Autumn here on the banks of the American River is the gov’t mandated time change when almost ev’rybody turns their clocks backward an hour on a designated Sunday thereby signalling the PC among us to put away their white clothing ‘n sandals.....’course, no one in California ever puts away their sunglasses ‘n the very cautious still use sunblock ev’ry day....at least until the rain ‘n fog appears ‘n that’s usually around Christmas-time (I don’t know how other religions mark the coming of winter ‘n frankly I don’t care)....My teenage grandson recently remarked on FB that he was no longer a Christian ‘n I’m wondering if we still have to give him a Christmas present....’course, maybe he’ll still embrace Christianity for a couple weeks in December but I may be cynical (comes with dotage, don’cha know).....
Anyways.....the sun is shining, there’s a coolish breeze ‘n the leaves on the liquidamber trees have all gone red....’n I need t’make a run to Costco so’s they won’t go bellyup in this recovering economy...well, that’s what the administration dogs say...trouble is, I’m old enuff to remember all the jokes from the last depression about prosperity being just around the corner ‘n I ain’t gonna hold my breath for it....
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sumtimes current events just get t'be too much.....
Fire and Ice
R.Frost
“Some say the world will end in fire,
some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.”
R.Frost
“Some say the world will end in fire,
some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire,
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.”
To steal or not to steal, that is the question...
It ain’t considered stealing s’long as you give credit to the guy what said it. Over the years, there’ve been a lot of people who said things I wished I’d said....one of ‘em was Art Buchwald who said a lot of things that I wouldn’t have minded saying first.....His comment on LBJ ‘n the Great Society seems as apt t’day as it was then......
In my ‘way back when time, Lyndon Johnson was President of the US ‘n Art Buchwald wrote:
“As soon as the President finished his State of the Union speech, I was ordered to get some public reaction. I immediately called my father in Forest Hills, NY and asked him what he thought of all the things the President wanted to do (The Great Society).”
“If he’s got the money,” my father said, “let him go ahead.”
“I don’t think he has the money, Pop.”
“I knew there was a catch to it.”
In my ‘way back when time, Lyndon Johnson was President of the US ‘n Art Buchwald wrote:
“As soon as the President finished his State of the Union speech, I was ordered to get some public reaction. I immediately called my father in Forest Hills, NY and asked him what he thought of all the things the President wanted to do (The Great Society).”
“If he’s got the money,” my father said, “let him go ahead.”
“I don’t think he has the money, Pop.”
“I knew there was a catch to it.”
Monday, November 16, 2009
FOR THE RECORD....
I don’t believe in the ‘Big Bang Theory’ of creation....
and as for the argument over Creationism versus Evolution....I no longer believe in either one of those theories.....I’m pretty sure that there was no ‘God’ who got bored one day and slapped together the world as we know it and as far as evolution goes.....it don’t. I know they’ve (the ubiquitous ones) have been teaching Darwin’s Theory of Evolution as substantiated fact for a number of years now but they’re wrong. Evolution has never been proven and...s’prize-s’prize....it ain’t gonna be...what is a fact and what the enlightened ‘they’ have mistaken for evolution is merely mutation. And mutation is a proven. We can do it in laboratories. We do it in laboratories all the time. In plants and animals. And there is no reason to suspect that humans haven’t mutated as well. I’m just sayin’......
and as for the argument over Creationism versus Evolution....I no longer believe in either one of those theories.....I’m pretty sure that there was no ‘God’ who got bored one day and slapped together the world as we know it and as far as evolution goes.....it don’t. I know they’ve (the ubiquitous ones) have been teaching Darwin’s Theory of Evolution as substantiated fact for a number of years now but they’re wrong. Evolution has never been proven and...s’prize-s’prize....it ain’t gonna be...what is a fact and what the enlightened ‘they’ have mistaken for evolution is merely mutation. And mutation is a proven. We can do it in laboratories. We do it in laboratories all the time. In plants and animals. And there is no reason to suspect that humans haven’t mutated as well. I’m just sayin’......
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Musings before coffee.....
Sixish here! In the AM ‘n still dark tho’ the sky is a lighter shade of dark.....well, wot the hell, t’is November after all ‘n even in northern California.....ah no, here in the land of pretty much year-round summer, I just can’t bring m’self to call our present weather ‘winter’....well, it ain’t. It’s what passes for Autumn here....longer, cooler nites, shorter, cooler days....the chickens are giving the world their morning shout-out....the chickens of Ol Fair Oaks are a diverse lot unlike the monotone bunch they have in Key West....one living next door is black ‘n kind of furry with long feathers on his legs that make him look like he’s wearing chaps.....Ralph Lauren’ud love him...
What happens this time o’ day is that the person (or persons) who deliver the morning paper drives down the street, wakes up the chickens who then scream for the sun to come up ‘n start the day.....Y’can’t blame ‘em for feeling like it’s their responsibility any more than you can blame people for feeling like they actually ‘rule’ the world.....
I woke up this morning thinking about all the clever people running things in this world of ours.....y’know the ones I’m talking about....people like Chris Dodd ‘n Nancy Pelosi ‘n Harry Reid....’n not just them alone, of course, but also their mirror images on the distaff side of the aisle.....’n here in sunny California where we have a legislature approaching a single digit approval rating.....
talk about fiddling while Rome burns.....these people have not only killed the ‘Golden Goose’.....they’re jumping up ‘n down on its corpse trying to squeeze out any sediment that might remain.....
Recently someone who shall remain nameless called me a ‘ballcap intellectual’....T’ain’t true, y’know....I ain’t stupid but I’m a long way from smart....what I also ain’t is clever....’n I thank God ‘n circumstance for that....Clever actually means being intelligent enuff to learn quickly but over the years it has come t’be a synonym for someone who is quick to spot the opportunity for personal profit at the expense of others....’n that seems to describe the people who choose politics as a means of gaining their daily bread.....pretty much at the expense of all the rest of us.....
What happens this time o’ day is that the person (or persons) who deliver the morning paper drives down the street, wakes up the chickens who then scream for the sun to come up ‘n start the day.....Y’can’t blame ‘em for feeling like it’s their responsibility any more than you can blame people for feeling like they actually ‘rule’ the world.....
I woke up this morning thinking about all the clever people running things in this world of ours.....y’know the ones I’m talking about....people like Chris Dodd ‘n Nancy Pelosi ‘n Harry Reid....’n not just them alone, of course, but also their mirror images on the distaff side of the aisle.....’n here in sunny California where we have a legislature approaching a single digit approval rating.....
talk about fiddling while Rome burns.....these people have not only killed the ‘Golden Goose’.....they’re jumping up ‘n down on its corpse trying to squeeze out any sediment that might remain.....
Recently someone who shall remain nameless called me a ‘ballcap intellectual’....T’ain’t true, y’know....I ain’t stupid but I’m a long way from smart....what I also ain’t is clever....’n I thank God ‘n circumstance for that....Clever actually means being intelligent enuff to learn quickly but over the years it has come t’be a synonym for someone who is quick to spot the opportunity for personal profit at the expense of others....’n that seems to describe the people who choose politics as a means of gaining their daily bread.....pretty much at the expense of all the rest of us.....
Monday, November 9, 2009
Where did it go????.....
‘Way back when me ‘n the world were young....well, you know ‘n so do I that the world has been around far longer than me ‘n it’s gonna be around long after I’m dead, gone ‘n forgotten.....prob’ly long after humanity is dead, gone ‘n forgotten....after all, the world survived the loss of the dinosaurs, didn’t it?......Well, the really big dinosaurs anyway.....the small ones survive to this very day.....They (the ubiquitous ones) say the shark has survived for millenia in the self-same incarnation as today....all the climate change the world has gone through over the millenia hasn’t done much to change it..
Man, though, is changing that, at least for the shark...Oh not thru climate change, no,no...we're just killing them...shark fin soup 'n magic potions.....if we keep going, we’ll kill off a creature that is so perfectly formed for survival that it has resisted all effort to evolve.....of course, it could be that evolution, like so many of our proud achievements ‘n discoveries, is a scientific dead-end and Darwin was (gasp) wrong. Now, that is a very un PC statement ‘n spurs immediate argument ‘n criticism from all the politically correct Liberal-thinkers....which is odd, when ‘n if you think about stuff like that, becuz they are the very ones that should be challenging everything....’n I have to wonder why they ain’t....
Back in the halycon days of the hippies, those wondrous magical golden days of the ‘sixties, the liberal youth challenged the belief system of their elders... Youngthink! “Damnation, Charles, it’s downright blasphemous ‘n shouldn’t be allowed.” “Never trust anyone over thirty.” “Out with the old, in with the new.”
“Tune in, turn on, ‘n drop out!”.....Ahhhh, where have all the flowers gone?
Walmart has a line of products called, “Faded Glory”...most of which seems to have been made in China ’n the US of A seems t’be heading that same direction, sinking in a morass of our own making with over half of our diverse and wonderfully self-sufficient population clamoring for the right to be put on the dole.....about sixty percent of the population at this time wants the other forty percent to support them.....redistribute the wealth, pay for my medical marijuana, make my house payments for me and give me a big-screen teevee.....but, y’gotta wonder how long the forty percent is gonna work to do that....when it drops to thirty percent or twenty percent....or less....
“gone to graveyards, every one...”
Man, though, is changing that, at least for the shark...Oh not thru climate change, no,no...we're just killing them...shark fin soup 'n magic potions.....if we keep going, we’ll kill off a creature that is so perfectly formed for survival that it has resisted all effort to evolve.....of course, it could be that evolution, like so many of our proud achievements ‘n discoveries, is a scientific dead-end and Darwin was (gasp) wrong. Now, that is a very un PC statement ‘n spurs immediate argument ‘n criticism from all the politically correct Liberal-thinkers....which is odd, when ‘n if you think about stuff like that, becuz they are the very ones that should be challenging everything....’n I have to wonder why they ain’t....
Back in the halycon days of the hippies, those wondrous magical golden days of the ‘sixties, the liberal youth challenged the belief system of their elders... Youngthink! “Damnation, Charles, it’s downright blasphemous ‘n shouldn’t be allowed.” “Never trust anyone over thirty.” “Out with the old, in with the new.”
“Tune in, turn on, ‘n drop out!”.....Ahhhh, where have all the flowers gone?
Walmart has a line of products called, “Faded Glory”...most of which seems to have been made in China ’n the US of A seems t’be heading that same direction, sinking in a morass of our own making with over half of our diverse and wonderfully self-sufficient population clamoring for the right to be put on the dole.....about sixty percent of the population at this time wants the other forty percent to support them.....redistribute the wealth, pay for my medical marijuana, make my house payments for me and give me a big-screen teevee.....but, y’gotta wonder how long the forty percent is gonna work to do that....when it drops to thirty percent or twenty percent....or less....
“gone to graveyards, every one...”
Friday, November 6, 2009
O, Dem Golden Dem's.....
O, dem dems....California is a dem state f'sure, f'sure....'n our dem legislators just levied a 10% increase on the withholding of every worker in this golden state...they need the money cuz the state is broke (as in bankrupt, can't pay the bills, etc) 'n that fav'rite son, the exemplary dem President Pro Tem Daryl (sissy spelling) Sternberg tried to sneak a ten million dollar pat on the back to himself in the form of a...are you ready? A Cultural Tolerance Center here in good ol Sackatomato (wot the heck, a million here 'n there ain't so much, chump change for our esteemed legislature) 'n all for the glory of...I dunno.....himself...ah wot the hell.....California is truly a microcosm of what the whole damn country is gonna look like when all the 'social engineers' get thru with us....
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