Woodrow and The Superchicken

There is, in the hills, a tradition of storytelling, tales that I’ve heard from various and sundry people all my life. They were told to me as gospel truth and, it’s as gospel truth that I repeat them. A lot of the names have been changed, not to protect the innocent because the innocent don’t need protection but for the sake of the guilty who need all the help they can get.
Justin Other Smith


Ballard was kind’a antsy and began to plan a trip to Ohio. He tried to enlist Gaylord and Woody by telling them how much fun it was gonna be but Gaylord was in love and Woodrow wasn’t quite sure how he would explain his abscence ‘cause he was pretty sure that Grandpa John Sam wouldn’t approve.
Anyway, Ballard went alone. He stripped off his clothes and wrapped them around his shoes and tied the sleeves of the shirt into a knot that would keep the bundle together. He found a small log and balanced his bundle on it and shoved off for the Ohio side. Now that old river was durn near a mile wide. At least that’s what it seemed like as Ballard kicked along. He was just past midway when a paddlewheeler running light came down river and swamped him. He managed to hang on to the log but he lost his bundle so when he reached the Ohio shore he was naked as a jaybird.
Ain’t nothin’ much fazed Ballard. It was dark so he just picked his way up the riverbank and took a little stroll through the alleys of Portsmouth. Wasn’t too long before he found a clothesline where the clothes hadn’t been taken in. It only took a few minutes and a little more suitably dressed he proceeded on his way.
Now I’ve heard several versions of his adventures and they were darn near as changeable as Kentucky weather but they ain’t what this story is about anyway.
‘Cause when Ballard returned, when he came walking down Leatherwood, he had himself a travelling companion. And nobody ever got the straight of it out of Ballard either. About how he come by his hiking buddy. ‘Cause ever’ time he told the why and wherefore, he give out with a different version.
About how somewhere along the way he’d met up with the biggest durn rooster anybody’d ever seen. A big old white rooster that stood near as tall as Ballards hip.
Now that chicken was wearing a dog leash and Ballard was holding t’other end of it but Woodrow swore and be durned that the chicken was leadin’ Ballard.
Ballard could go up to him and sit down and put his arm around him and talk to him and that chicken was just like a big old pet dog. But anybody else needed to have a club handy ‘cause that old rooster was just plain antisocial. And not just around people neither. He put the eye out of one of Uncle John Sams pigs and he tried to take on the mules ‘til one of ‘em fetched him a pretty good kick. He kind’a sidestepped around ‘em after that but he sure went after ever’one and ever’thing else on the place. Uncle John Sam allowed that it was the meanest durn chicken he’d ever seen.
Woodrow, however, being a thinking young man ‘n always scheming about his future, thought that the big rooster was gonna be the foundation for a whole flock of super-sized chickens that would lay super-sized eggs and make ‘em all rich. Turned out though that the rooster was just a freak of nature and for all his struttin’ and crowin’ all they ever got was normal sized eggs and normal sized chickens and Woodrow got a little discouraged and a little tired of having to carry a club ever’ time he went into the chickenyard.
One day Walter Darnell stopped by and got a glimpse of that rooster and was almighty impressed and wanted to trade for him. Woodrow found it difficult to resist a trade in the first place and in the second place, he was almighty tired of arguing with that rooster. And since Walter was married to Uncle John Sam’s niece which made Walter more or less family, it didn’t take too much for Woodrow to let Walter talk him into a trade.
Wasn’t but three or four weeks later Ballard was sittin’ in Moon’s Barber Shop, not to get his hair cut but just to pass the time of day when Walter Darnell came in. Ballard let out a big hello and commenced to tell all and sundry about his big pet rooster that cousin Woodrow had traded to Walter. Walter didn’t say much until Ballard got around to asking him how the rooster was doing out there on Big White Oak where Walter had a small farm.
Walter looked at Ballard, glanced around the shop at the rest of the boys and said, “Well, I’ll tell you, Ballard, my wife Laurie is a pretty good cook but she had to stew that old rooster almost a whole day before we could eat him up.”

Non-specific generalities or......

It's a rainy, gloomy old day 'n I started out to write sumthing that maybe someone would chuckle over...my apologies!

S’funny, leastways I think so, how so many of my liberal friends think my arguments lack specificity....I paint with ‘too broad a brush’....generally speaking, that is...I was recently accused of using the term ‘wacko’s’ in writing about the liberal left....I pointed out that it wasn’t true, that I had replied to someone who had objected to someone else’ use of that term...’truth of the matter, however, I do tend to think of the extreme left wing liberals as wackos....to be fair, I think of the extreme right wing idealogues as equally wacky...fortunately, we live in a country where most of the responsible people are basically centrist...well, centrist with a present tilt toward the right but that’s only becuz a couple years ago, they tilted to the left long enuff to elect Obama....
Now, in the case of President Obama, there are any number of left-wing idealogues (wackos) that accuse the American electorate of ‘RACISM’.....(I capitalized that becuz of its importance in the American scheme of things)....Black Americans (that is, Americans of negro ancestry) over-whelmingly voted for Obama....in the high 90 percentile...
which by any standard indicates a high degree of racist politics...that’s alright becuz for generations, white Americans (read Americans of european ancestry) entered into a conspiracy (tacit or otherwise) to keep black Americans from voting at all...In a large part of the west ‘n southwest, we did the same thing to Americans of Mexican ancestry. Oh, ‘n let us not leave out the Aisians. We passed laws attempting to keep them out of this country entirely.,,.completely unsuccessfully as you probably know.'n lest we forget, the Aboriginal Americans that a national policy of genocide almost exterminated..
To be completely fair, we did it to the immigrant Irish, the ‘Bohunks’ of eastern europe, the Jews from anywhere in the world ‘n almost anyone from anywhere who didn’t quite fit the construction of whatever area of the country that superior ‘white people’ happened to inhabit.
Discrimination is a fact of life....has always been so, will always be so but America is the only country on this little blue planet that has been a true melting pot ‘n the extreme ‘wackos’ from either side of the spectrum are wrong to preach otherwise. Hatefully, spitefully wrong!
Americans of every ethnic background have come together here, have propered here more than in any other country in the wrold. We are indeed, a mixed-breed, mongrel Nation and the better for it. We are Americans!
And as far as discrimination in politics....well, hell....as a long dead Irish politican once famously stated (over 'n over) "All politics is local."
Barack Obama could not have been elected without the ‘white’ vote. Black Americans say that he could not have been elected without their support ‘n that’s true. It’s also true that he could not have been elected without the support of the Latino community.
I’m pretty sure that means that Obama couldn’t have been elected without the support of most Americans who seem finally to be basically color-blind. P'litically anyway. Generally speaking, that is.

Just a classless ol jackass.....

'n maybe somewhat clueless as well. I remember as a young man being extremely liberal in my thinking. My parents ‘n my teachers ‘n ev’ryone their age was too conservative for my tastes.
I was a proud Democrat from a Democrat family in a Democrat County in a Democrat State!
In my mind, I haven’t much changed. I feel like I’m pretty much the same person that I’ve always been but now the world (think younger than me ‘n that’s durn near everybody) views me as a conservative...some of them see me as an extreme right-wing monolithic iron-bound dyed in the wool conservative that’s dead set against every progressive thought that appears on my horizon...
In turn, I tell them that I didn’t turn away from the Democrat party; the Democrat party turned away from me. I am a registered Republican but in my heart of hearts, I’m a Libertarian. Not a total Libertarian, y’understand, because I believe that some limitations are a good thing.
For example, I believe in traffic control laws. Without some limitations, all would be chaos ‘n no one could get anywhere. To that end, I believe in modest limitations ‘n that leads me to believe in limited government. A belief, I think, that is shared with most Americans, at least according to polls ‘n I ain’t at all sure that polls are to be believed.
Anyways, there is a segment characterized by the media as the ‘Liberal Left’ ‘n estimated at about 20 to 25 percent of our population who believe that they are smarter ‘n more knowledgeable ‘n superior to the rest of us.
I’m just an old country boy from the hills of eastern Kentucky ‘n I didn’t have the advantage of top-notch schools ‘n a government funded education. Education back in those unenlightened daze was more of a privilege than a right, ‘n schools back in those hardscrabble days were hard put to teach just the basics.
But, as usual, I digress. What got my attention this morning was the following quote which I found on my facebook page that pretty much describes the way that us plain folk in the middle believe the so-called ‘liberal elite’ think of us.
I’m not going to identify the person responsible for this statement for several reasons, the primary one being that I happen to like this person regardless of the stated belief:

“This is so disturbing and criminal. They are classless jackasses elected by a supremely stupid populace, and I know my sister always says "Middle America: it's a Jerry Springer world", but this I cannot abide. Looks like I'm going to have to pull out my rusty NARAL and NOW paraphernalia and get crackin'.”

I don’t happen to like the Jerry Springer show but otherwise, I guess that I’m part of the ‘supremely stupid populace’ that thinks that the Tea Party movement has been ‘n will continue to be a good thing for America.

Je ne sais quoi......

Y’know it’s a long nite when you find y’self digging thru the pantry looking for ‘Je ne sais quoi’ which is high-school French for ‘beats the hell out’a me’.....all becuz you want a dessert of some kind, preferably containing chocolate, ‘n it’s too darn late to get in the car ‘n go out....
Back in my way back when time, I use’ta smoke ‘n once in a while, as happens to every smoker at some point, I’d find m’self out of cigarettes late at nite ‘n trying to find an excuse for getting dressed ‘n going out to buy a pack of smokes....y’see, that’s when you really know that you’re addicted....I don’t think that I ever did actually go out late at nite just to buy some cigarettes but I certainly knew people who did...on the other hand, I may well have invented a need for something else to give m’self an excuse to ‘have’ to go to the store anyway so I might as well get some cigarettes too....if I did, I don’t recall doing it but I may well have ‘n just plain don’t want to remember it....
Memories are funny things...we all have memories of things that didn’t actually happen to us but we remember them anyway ‘n becuz we do remember them, they are just as real as real memories...’n of course, we all do just the opposite with repressed memories as well....some things we just don’t want to remember, so we don’t....never happened....not at all....
Mind Docs call them ‘repressed memories’ ‘n charge big bucks to help people remember things that they have tried really hard to forget...I dunno, but I think that’s called an oxymoron ‘n when you have enuff oxymorons in your life, why you need to pay a Mind Doc to help you straighten ‘em all out....’n it c’n take years ‘n years ‘n is one of the reasons why so many Democrats really get behind the redistribution of wealth thing......I’m just sayin’ that there’s a reason why the rich get rich ‘n the poor get poorer.....
Fortunately, I’ve found the secret to avoid going out late at nite to buy a pack of cigarettes.....I don’t smoke anymore ‘n I found a box of chocolate brownie mix in the pantry...
G’nite all......

“It is what it is!”

One of those overworked phrases that doesn’t actually mean anything at all ‘n most often used as if it were an explanation for ev’rything et al... ‘n et al is one of those latin thingies that you pick up along the way ‘n never, ever get a chance to use in context....
His’try is that really, really boring subject that almost ev’ryone sleeps thru during their school daze...it’s usually a dry recitation of dates ‘n places that almost no one is able to relate to nor long remember....I mean, who among us gives a durn about the Battle of Hastings or, for that matter, what the heck it was anyway....thing is tho’ that the aphorism (a pithy observation as, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”) those that ignore history are doomed to repeat it is too true...as humanity as a whole have been doing for generations....
If you look closely at heroes, you’ll find warts...in every case...from Michael Vick ‘n Mickey Mantle to good old Bret Whatsisname....from Obama ‘n Bush to Kennedy ‘n Roosevelt... either one of the Roosevelts, for I was brought up to believe in the near sainthood of both Franklin ‘n Theodore....if we were to go back in history, we’d find that both Lincoln ‘n Washington had warts as well...just like all the rest of us, we all have our dark moments, our lapses, if you will....sometimes a brave man gets scared of the dark ‘n runs away...sometimes an honest man lies... Gibbs rule #51 is that sometimes you’re wrong....
Quoting an old television show called Barney Miller, Barney explains that the great blue whale, the largest mammal on earth, has a throat circumference of about eight inches....’n that’s the way it is ‘n there ain’t anything anybody can do about it...
I’ve been quoting that teevee show for a number of years now ‘n I ain’t got the slightest idea if there’s any truth to it or not...it’s sort’a like some of the stories that I tell....a friend of mine, after I had told him a story of my once upon a time in Kentucky, asked me if my story was true or if I had made it all up....I told him that far’s I knew, it was Gospel Truth, more or less....as any good teller of tales will attest, one should never let the facts get in the way of a good story....
That being said, there’s no doubt that humans are flawed ‘n that’s the way it is ‘n there ain’t anything anybody can do about it.



.....

Ebb 'n flow.....

We’re in the process of switching from DirecTV to Dish Network...not that we were so aw’fly dissatisified with the programming or quality of DirecTV....we weren’t.....but it was the little things....the things we shouldn’t have had to bother with ‘n when I called seeking resoultion, I was met with ‘attitude’....’n excuses ‘n put on call waiting ‘n changed from one so-called service person to another ‘til I just ran completely out of patience...you’d think that company that sells a service would recognize the importance of actually being of service to their customers... ANYWAYS, brother Bill has Dish ‘n he seems content ‘n they’re offering a lot better deal (read cheaper).....so now I got a guy on the roof changing the satelitte dish....he seems a little more comfortable up on the ridgeline of my roof than I am, but not all that much....t’ain’t that my roof is so aw’fly high or so aw’fly steep but we’re kind’a on top of a small hill here in Ol Fair Oaks ‘n when you’re up there where the air is rarefied (joke),,,,you are up in the treetops ‘n you can see a long way.....
So, I guess now I’ll have to get used to a whole new bunch of numbers for the channels that we watch....a brand new remote ‘n all that.....on the up side, now we’ll have high def (big WOW)....’n of course, we’re gonna be getting some of those so-called premium channels for awhile...I s’pect about the time they’ll want to start charging me for them, I’ll already have been tired of them for several weeks.....
I tho’t for a long time about quitting DirecTV....didn’t quite agonize over it but I’m old ‘n I guess for my generation, we had this thing about loyalty....never gave it a lot of tho’t before but it’s true....my generation was loyal to the brand....we drove Fords or Chevrolets ‘n when we got older ‘n moved up to heavier, pricier cars, we stayed with the brand.....we did it with lots of things, where we shopped, the p’ticklar brand of canned goods, the coffee or tea, heck, even the type of soda....I grew up in Pepsi country ‘n couldn’t hardly bring m’self to buy Coca Cola....’n I had friends that were just the reverse...
We did the same with our employers.....if we worked for GM, we didn’t look for a job at Ford....if we were Democrats, we stayed Democrats....
As I got older tho’ things began to change...people changed jobs more often ‘n an awful lot of the time, it was becuz the company they worked for changed....they expeted loyalty from their employees but they didn’t feel the same responsibility in return....somewhere along the way, I became a Republican...I told m’self that I only changed parties to vote for John McCain back at the turn of the century but the truth of it, at least the way I see it, is that I didn’t so much change as the Democrat Party changed ‘n the Republican Party became more like the Democrat Party that I grew up with....if that don’t leave a body scratching their head ‘n wondering what in the world is going on, I dunno......
Anyhow, I’m thinking that maybe ‘brand loyalty’ just might be a thing of the past....redundant, as they say in Britain...well, at my age, I’m pretty damn redundant anyway....

Another fine morning....

Ah.....s’a beautiful blue-sky morning here in Ol Fair Oaks....chattering Blue Jays, crowing Roosters ‘n pesky squirrels zipping thru the treetops....drives pore little old Willie almost ‘round the bend....the P-dogger (older’n wiser) pretty much ignores all of ‘em while he searches for all the perfect places to pee.....
The SacBee snooze-nooze is looking more’n more like the Podunk almost daily Press...still ‘n all, our newspaper boy/girl/man/woman (?) does a good job as I find it on the front porch ev’er morning....’course, then I go to the computer to read the news and catch up with the comix that aren’t in the Bee anymore....thing is, what I like is an actual physical newspaper that I c'n peruse whils't munching my toast 'n sipping my coffee....use’ta do all that along with a cigarette back in the day when smoking didn’t kill everybody....ah well, times change don’t they?
I saw on the news that a number of cities are laying off police ‘n fire personnel because their unions won’t authorize a pay cut to keep their people working....I’m old ‘n must be wrong but I can’t seem to follow that kind of logic....Once’t upon a time, Sacramento had a long-time bizness called C & K Meats....had been around over a hundred years...employees ‘n their union not only wudn’t take a pay cut, they went on strike for higher wages, so the owners of C & K Meats closed the business entirely and everybody was out of a job....’course, as I said, I’m old ‘n must be wrong cuz I can’t seem to understand the ‘less is more’ logic that seems t’be driving that car that the Democrats say is in the ditch.....

Morning coffee.....

A porch swing is such a delightful thing.... ‘specially on a warm, sunny morning....it’s even more special when that warm, sunny morning happens t’be in mid-January....it almost makes the SacBee snooze-nooze seem like a real newspaper ‘n it definitely makes a cup of coffee taste better....well, that last part’s a maybe ‘n only counts for a p’ticklar day cuz, y’know, coffee pretty much tastes the same ev’ry day, it’s just that different days give a different flavor...if you know what I mean or even if you don’t....anyhow, it’s a Satiday here in Ol Fair Oaks ‘n the sun is shining, the coffee’s hot, the P-dogger is stretched out enjoying the sunshine ‘n Willie is straining at his leash wanting to go somewhere, anywhere at all, hopefully somewhere with cats ‘n chickens to chase....hope you’re having a good day....

Full moon 'n moth balls, yegadz!

Evidently I have one’a them love-hate relationships with the wee small hours of the morning otherwise why in the world would I have so many ‘chance encounters’.....
What kick-startd this p’ticklar one wuz Rusty the P-dogger who came sniffling ‘round the bedstead with his little conspitorial barks...I heard him but I didn’t respond....hoping, of course, that he’d give up ‘n go back t’sleep but...no luck...next thing, he was scratching at the door ‘n I gave up cuz he wudn’t gonna.....give up, that is....so I fight my way out’a bed, groping for the spectacles ‘n stumble to the door....find his leash cuz we’ve had nocturnal visitors, y’know....the odiferouse ones ‘n I didn’t want a repeat of t’other nite when I had to draw the old P-dogger a bath in the middle of the nite...anyways, we go outside where I gaze at the full moon while he sniffs around under the orange tree....no skunky odor t’be found cuz the Bird with the broken wing has scattered a package of moth balls ‘round ‘n about...bet you didn’t know that skunks evidently don’t like the scent of moth balls, did’ya.....well, I don’t know that for sure either but they do seem to work ‘n we’ve used them for years ev’ry time the pesky, stinky little cats come around.....I think they come for the chicken eggs so they’re kind of a double-edged thing....they help to curtail the chicken population which is a good thing but the pleasure of their company wears thin in a New York minnit...too bad the moth balls don’t work on the darn chickens....I was thinking of using a blow-up pic of a Fair Oaks rooster with a target super-imposed but I might get denounced in the Senate.....

In the wee small hours o’ the morning.....again..

.
Can’t even blame it on the dog this time, s’all on my own head altho’ the P-dogger did get up ‘n folly me to the computer....not that he takes any real interest in the computer, y’know....he’s sacked out right behind my chair....dogs are lucky that way....just lay down ‘n go to sleep durn near anywheres.....’n, of course, use the whole world for their bathroom secure in the knowledge that their human is following along behind to pick up their droppings....in the olden days, we didn’t do that....back in those olden, golden daze of yore all the dogs ran free...as did little boys...’n as I recall, back in those olden, golden daze. little boys pretty much used the whole world as a bathroom also....plus we c’d sleep on the ground or concrete or up in a tree....I used to nap almost daily (at least in the summertime) perched in the branches of an old apple tree in our backyard...I would climb up there to hide from my brothers ‘n read....lessee...summer daze, a few slices of bread, some green onions from the garden ‘n a comfortable seat among the branches....well, that wuz before television, y’understand...television ‘n video games ‘n all those things that keep children rooted t’day ‘n cause all the clever people to spend their time trying to devise ways to ‘get the kids in shape’....
Back in those olden, golden daze after World War II, the country was busy.....people worked, they made things, they sold things, they wanted the money to buy things....sometimes it didn’t seem to matter what things they bought, they just wanted stuff that hadn’t been available before the war....at least, it hadn’t been available to most working people....
Before the war, most working people didn’t have cars...they rode buses ‘n streetcars or they walked....’n they didn’t own homes...they rented or boarded....well, that was long ago ‘n working people ‘n their children didn’t have to worry about things like ‘getting in shape’.....
I hear a lot of the ‘liberal elitists’ complaining about America being a ‘consumer’ society as if that were a bad thing....’course, they all consume as much or more than anyone else....’n sumtimes I get a little tired of hearing about the ‘green revolution’....cuz near as I c’n figure out, it costs a lot of money to go green...I would love to have a bunch of solar panels on my roof so’s I wouldn’t have to pay SMUD but I can’t afford them...it’s considerably cheaper for me to pay SMUD than to pay thousands to save hundreds....’n we had a nuclear powe plant a couple yea s ago....’member Rancho Seco ‘n all the money it saved us....oh wait a minnit...I think it costs sumthng like a million dollars a day to keep it shut down cuz it wuz ‘way too dangerous to keep operating....’n you don’t have to drive very far west of Sacramento before you see lots ‘n lots of windmills that provide cheap wind power....’cept they’re all turned off ‘cuz of all the environmental damage they do to wildlife....
Well, heckfire or Hell’s Bells as my old daddy use’ta say, t’is the wee hours of the morning ‘n I’m ranting ‘n raving for no good reason a’tall...

Out'a my depth.....

I got m’self a neighbor who considers himself t’be an ‘advanced intellect’...in other words, a Liberal Democrat....I don’t want’a embarrass the boyo by using his name but, in his own words, he ‘has an IQ three points below Einstein.’
Now my neighbor hasn’t worked at a job for several years now, ever since the building boom burst ‘n made his blue collar skill redundant....
but not to worry about his well-being, he’s doing very well on the public dole with seemingly unlimited unemployment benefits of over $400. weekly....
Anyways, my neighbor loves the Feral Fowl of Old Fair Oaks....told me that if anyone didn’t like them, they should just move away....told me it was a felony to kill one of them....that there was a poster offering a reward for the arrest ‘n conviction of whomsoever was purloining the above mentioned chickens from the Plaza Park area....I asked him what was it that he didn’t understand about the word ‘feral’...
Then he changed to conversation ‘n brought up the subject of a ‘citizens committee’ to deal with issues regarding Fair Oaks Village....what issues? I questioned...’well, it seems that the short stretch of California Avenue between Crestline Avenue ‘n Fair Oaks Boulevard is unsafe to walk on since it has no sidewalks...at which point, I suggested that if he wanted to live in a place with sidewalks, he should consider moving....
And it was only after I came home ‘n gave it some more tho’t that I figured out that I just didn’t understand his logic...same with the Liberal Left....their logic is just over my head..
my bad, I guess.....

TAXES AND THE TOOTH FAIRY

To the Democrats who say “that anyone who thinks you can balance the budget without raising taxes must still believe in the tooth fairy.”
Any parent knows who the tooth fairy really is and every parent who celebrates Christmas knows only too well who foots the bill for Santa's visit and only the terminally naive believe more taxes will lead to a balanced budget.
Every working person who has experienced too much month left at the end of the paycheck knows that all they had to do was go to their employer and say, “I’m having a cash flow problem and I need to assess you for additional revenue to balance my budget.” And, of course, that old employer just dug a little deeper and said, “Sure, how much do you need?”
But pigs don’t really fly and I pay the bills for the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, so I understand their reality. What I don’t understand is the reality of tax and spend politicians and the gullibility of people who believe them.

In the wee, small hours.....

In the wee hours of the morning, Rusty the
P-dogger, old dog that he is, just hadda go outside....I assumed ‘cuz old dogs gotta pee at odd hours of the nite....’course, it’s really hard to know per’zackly what dogs are talking about ‘specially in the middle of the nite....’n maybe he was telling me that we had a trespasser....
which in point of fact is what we had....not a human trespasser, not someone rifling thru the Matrix which happens occasionally when for some reason or other, I happen to leave the thing unlocked....no indeed, it wasn’t a human visitor that Rusty encountered in our driveway in the wee hours of the morning....it wuz one of those nocturnal creepers that seem t’be endemic to Ol Fair Oaks...one of the Crestline Avenue Skunks....I saw Rusty trot out to the front of the driveway, pause ‘n retreat to the porch wherein I got a sniff.....poor me.....poor Rusty...
nuthin’ for it but t’do it....I bundled him into the bathroom, dropped him in the tub ‘n started the water...I soaped him ‘n scrubbed him ‘n repeated the process twice’t....poor old hangdog Rusty...but that wuzn’t the worst thing I did to him in those wee small hours...
nosirreebob.....I dried him off as best as I could ‘n really hurt his feelings when I locked him out of the bedroom.....Oh, I left a light on for him, I even debated leaving the teevee on for him but decided that wasn’t really necessary...
he whined ‘n complained but finally gave up when I wudn’t relent ‘n he took his time about forgiving me when I got up this morning....ah well, what c’n I say, he needed a bath anyway, I just hadn’t planned on giving him one in the middle of the nite but sometimes circumstances require immediate action

Mind Doodles.....

Saw a sign t’other day said, “Jesus is coming May 21st!” Y’just gotta wonder if He’s pissed...
That’s just two days before our anniversary...talk about getting upstaged....not that many people gonna pay all that much attention anyway it being an off year ‘n ever’thing but I still call that unfair competition...
‘Course, it may well take a personal visitation from Him to calm the troubled waters of the religious set, the rest of us don’t seem to be having a lot of success....
‘N speaking of a lack of success, I see in the snooze-nooze that Michael Newdow, our famed California atheist who, despite losing all his lawsuits is yet again suing to remove the motto “In God We Trust” from U.S. currency... he should just give it up as the Obama administration seems to be working hard to remove any faith in the American dollar worldwide....I don’t know whether to cheer or boo their efforts as the dollar has been the hallmark currency in the world for most of my life...before that, it was the British Pound 'n it's still ambling along albeit a more leisurely pace....
Y’gotta wonder if the world is ready to trust the Chinese won ton yet as China appears t’be on the threshold of assuming command of the whole damn spaceship Earth...
Mel Brooks famously stated “It’s good to be King.” but old Billy Shakespeare sed, “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.” Fancy words from an old Briarhopper but, like Michael Vick, I ain’t really got a dog in this fight....

Gettin' old ain't for wusses ..Pt. 4 update

“I grow old.....I grow old....
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.”

Frazzled am I....wore pert near down to a nubbin....’n not becuz I done so awful much t’day...I didn’t....but what I did do wuz to get up two hours earlier than usual, spend the whole durn morning wand’ring ‘round ‘n about a medical facility......sound like fun? T’weren’t!
Got my eyes dilated ‘n photographed ‘n bright lights in ‘em for about an hour.....’n then, ‘n then I got to pay for a cup of leftover coffee ‘n then, 'n then spend two hours give or take for the Bird with the broken wing to meet ‘n greet with a physical therapist....came away from that, at least, with sum good nooze.....SHE’S GONNA BE ABLE TO DRIVE HERSELF....
A quick lunch at home, walk da boyz, ‘n off to our main financial institution to check on our ‘fallen arches’....after that, Wow! A trip to Costco for dog food.....dang dem boyz anyways.....then home again, home again, jiggety-jog.....all that runnin’ around with petrol priced at $3.25 a gallon (give or take)....’n sonuvagun, just in time to walk da boyz again....I remember when I use’ta do a lot of different, fun stuff to get this tired....I'm thinkin' early nite.....(yawnnnnnn)....

A nice winter day.....

It’s just durn near perfect, s’what it is, for a winters day anyway.....the sun is shining thru a layer of thin clouds, just the slightest of hint of a breeze (a good thing cuz if there wuz any more of a breeze, it’d be cold)....my neighbor up the street posted a foto of a Spring bloom....well, a hint of Spring ‘n come to think on it, Spring ain’t all that far away here in Ol Fair Oaks....another month, give or take a day or so.....down the street ‘n around the park...chickens ‘n kidz ‘n dogs....people sitting outside enjoying the sunshine...this little old village of Ol Fair Oaks has three sidewalk bistro-type enterprises but I noticed this morning that several other bizness’ have people sitting outside sipping ‘n enjoying the sunshine....
The ‘Bird with the broken wing’ is off to lunch ‘n I hadda go to Point West to pick up a new prescription for her (our co-pay has tripled in this new year but that’s another story)....nice drive, traffic (relatively) light, lot of people walking, biking ‘n two top-down, just can’t wait for summer types.....we had a convertible when we came to California back in our way back when time....I put the top down in February ‘n left it down ‘til June when it got so hot I had to put it back up for the shade.....I ain’t saying that winter is over t’day.....it ain’t...Heck, it ain’t even mid-January yet ‘n we got a lot of rain to get thru but a break is nice, don’cha think?.......
So, I heard someone (on some teevee show or other) say that there was snow in 49 of the 50 States ‘n that it ‘uz just another sign of ‘global warming’....boy, talk about a dead horse or a dog with a bone....don’t seem to matter what the weather is, coldest winter on record, ice-breaker ship frozen in the northern ice, don’t matter....it all signals that American greed ‘n over consumption is destroying the planet....
Y’know, I’m tired of the ‘collective guilt trip’ that so much of the media seem enthralled with....I don’t believe in collective guilt, when the time comes for me t’pay for my sins, I’ll pay becuz, well....becuz my belief system sez that ever’body has to carry their own damn load of whatever seeds they’ve sown ‘n nobody else can carry them for you....but I’m telling you straight up....I ain’t gonna carry your load....

“Down in Ol Kentucky, where the horseshoes are lucky......”

In Ol Kaintuck, that long ago Kentucky celebrated in song ‘n story, sumtime after the War between the States, people in the mountains didn’t keep their hogs penned. It was an old and accepted custom of the hills to leave swine to fend for themselves ‘n then hunted in the fall of the year. A newcomer, a northerner by speech, had purchased a small farm not far from town. One day while making a purchase at the general store, he inquired about the ownership of the swine rooting on his property ‘n when told that they more or less belonged to whoever hunted ‘n killed them in the fall, he merely nodded ‘n left the store. When word got around that he was actually putting out feed for the wild swine, his neighbors laughed at the dumb yankee. But, in the fall of the year, when the yankee drove his herd of by now tame hogs to market, they quit laughing. And when they complained to the local magistrate, they were informed that since the swine had been considered ‘wild’ and belonged to no man, the yankee was well within his rights.
Shortly after that, all the hill people built pig-pens ‘n all the ‘wild’ hogs disappeared from the area.
If you’re living on government commodities ‘n being supported by government, you are owned by government ‘n can be driven to market ‘n sold to the highest bidder.....I’m just sayin’.....
Anyways, in our more enliightened times, Govenor Moonbeam vowed not t’be a Nimbyist ‘n that’s a good thing....ackshully, that’s what The Old Terminator promised but didn’t (wudn’t or cudn’t) follow thru when he brandished a broom ‘n promised to sweep the Capitol clean...thing is, for all the not in my backyarders, let me reiterate....’there ain’t no such thing as free’....back in the early daze of Gov Moonbeam, there use’ta be a pop’lar bumper sticker that said, “Gas, Grass or Ass, Nobody rides for free!”

Early on a foggy morn.....

Durn chickens are screaming, prob’ly pissed cuz there ain’t no sun again t’day....but the coffee’s on the boil (8 cups t’day ‘stead of 6)...
the SacBee snooze is spread out on my footstool....Oh, my tired old green recliner has pretty much given up.....think it must be time for recliner heaven.....if I lived up a ‘holler’ in Kentucky, I c’d just put it on the porch ‘n give it over to the hound but I don’t live up a holler ‘n I don’t have a hound ‘n I already got enuff junk on my porch what with a table, four chairs, three rocking chairs, a small garden swing, two small tables ‘n no, I don’t have a pear tree let alone a partridge...but, by gobs, if I had ‘em, I bet I c’d find a place for ‘em on that porch....do luv my porch tho’.....like to sit out there in the mornings, well weather permitting, too durn cold right now but with any luck it’ll get very much like Spring in about five more weeks....I tell people that’s what it does in a ‘normal’ year anyways altho’ t’be truthful, we haven’t had what you might call a normal year around here for awhile....well, y’know whait I mean, what with La Nina ‘n El Nino ‘n Al Goracles ‘Global Warming’....I can’t believe how many people still believe in Old Al.....you’d think if he believed it himself, he wudn’t have spent so many of his millions on that beach house in Malibu....what a hypocrite he is.....’course, he always was, it’s just that most people didn’t know it ‘n seems like a lot of those that did know simply made excuses for him....still are for that matter...makes a feller shake his head trying to figure out what exactly goes thru the minds of those left-wing idealogues that have usurped a perfectly good word like ‘liberal’ ‘cuz there sure ain’t nuthin’ liberal about ‘em.....just think about Pelosi who wuz 3rd in line from the Presidency, Speaker of the House in the largest-spending government in American history giving a televised speech ‘n declaring that she had presided over a pay as you go, fiscally responsive Democratic House of Representatives.....The Wizardess of Oz, pushing buttons ‘n clanking chains, all smoke ‘n mirrors, full of sound ‘n fury (Thanks Faulkner) signifying nothing at all, at all......
Ah well, it’s early on a foggy morning ‘n the durn chickens are still pissed at the sun not showing it’s face ‘n I really, really need to go get a cup of coffee.....cheers.......

The ‘Bling’ is calling.....

Darn the bad luck anyway....when you have to get out ‘n go to work, it’s easy to come up with excuses for not doing stuff that need t’be done...it’s easier to procrastinate when you have a lot t’do but it takes real talent to put stuff off when you have all the time in the world to not do it in.......
Grey ‘n gloomy in this fog-wrapped day here in Ol Fair Oaks....the Christmas bling is slowly disappearing one little piece at a time...at the rate I’m moving at the moment, should have it all down ‘n put away sometime in March or maybe April.....well, if I were allowed to move at my own speed which I seriously doubt the bird with a broken wing will countenance....
Six cups of coffee translate into three mugs ‘n I’m on my third mug....I perused the SacBee snooze nooze, deleted 90% of my e-mail, scrolled thru FB t’see what friends ‘n fam’ly were up to, took both dogs outside for the 2nd time t’day ‘n otherwise wasted my precious time but that’s alright, don’t think twice.....

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas......

Olde Christmas at last.....now the durn tree can come down, the Christmas Bling c’n be all packed away for another year ‘n we c’n move the sofa back in front of the window so Willie’ll have a seat to keep an eye peeled for squirrels ‘n chickens ‘n strange cars ‘n (his fav’rit) the odd bicyclist who dares to trespass on his street....
The weather forecast for the coming week is foggy morns, sunny afternoons with temps in the 50’s ‘n dry weather....well, drier weather anyways....the foggy mornings leave enuff moisture on the tall grass so that Willie c’n get his belly wet ev’ry morning....’course, it don’t have t’be very tall t’get Willie’s belly wet ‘cuz it ain’t too awful far off the ground anyhow...
Well, the coffee’s ‘on the boil’.....’s another beautiful day in Old Fair Oaks ‘n I ain’t even looked at the nooze yet.....it don’t get much better than that....
Happy Olde Christmas to All...........

Day Eleven....

....of the Twelve Days of Christmas....
January sixth is considered ‘Olde Christmas’... or at least, it use’ta be way back in my Once upon a time time....terms like ‘Old Christmas’ ‘n ‘Blackberry winter’ have pretty much lost their meaning in these Modern Times (sounds like.. a bad movie title).....
Anyways on day Eleven, it’s spozed t’be eleven piping pipers ‘n my peripatetic imagination can’t seem t’make that leap.....
Don’t really matter anyway cuz the sun is shining t’day, at least over Old Fair Oaks ‘n during this time of the changing of the guard, both in California ‘n D.C. when the movers ‘n shakers of the world seem t’be catching their breath, at least for a moment or two, nobody seems t’be doing anything good, bad, or otherwise ‘n that’s a good thing.....it’s an arguable point that less government is better government but from this momentary vantage point, it seems like a Christmas blessing.....
Ah well, this, too, shall pass........

On the Tenth Day.....

There’s spozed t’be ten Lords a-leaping....I’ve never seen a Lord in my life, wudn’t know one if I saw one ‘n if I may steal a phrase, in the immortal words of Rhett Butler, “Frankly, m’dear, I don’t give a damn.” To see one, I mean, let alone ten of ‘em.....
Yest’iday was unusual, as I sed, in that young Willie didn’t wake me at the usual early hour so as to allow him to run into the high grass ‘n do his bizness before the sun comes out ‘n catches him, but he made up for it this morning by waking me at half past six.....ah well, t’is a new year t’be sure but the same old habits persist in all of us....
We got our ‘new’ water bill this morning....Ol Fair Oaks has a nice (?) new office building that must be paid for, I guess, on the backs of the consumer....like bureaucracies ev’rywhere, the size of their ‘stuff’ or at least the appearance of the the size of their ‘stuff’ is important (I s'pect all them Lords a-leaping wore codpieces, maybe that's why they were leaping).....to them, if nobody else...so we the ratepayers must offer up praise for their new clothes, thereby recognizing their importance (the size of their stuff)...
‘Course, it wuz that very same thinking that made Nancy Pelosi believe that most of the USA wanted her to fly back ‘n forth from D.C. to SF on a military jet rather than a broom (again, the size of her stuff proving that women are just as dumb as men)...
Well, it’s a new year ‘n the pundits are saying that prosperity is just around the corner... That’s right up there with ‘The check’s in the mail’ and that other one....well, y’know what I mean....

Hooooo-boy! The Ninth Day of Christmas...

Hooooo-boy! The Ninth Day of Christmas...

....is a rainy old lazy old day.....I woke with a little dog next t’my head, glanced at the alarum clock perched on the table next to my new spot of the bed....Millyrose changed sides, doncha know, ‘cuz of the broken wing...anyways, the clock sed t’was five minutes to nine....I tho’t...
‘cuz when I stumbled into the bathroom, the big clock on the wall sed it wuz a quarter to eleven....can’t recall the last time I slept so late without being sick but even more unusual is the little dog didn’t get me up...he don’t gen’ly get much past seven without wanting t’go outside....
When I came out, I found the Bird with a broken wing had made oatmeal so sleeping in got me out of making breakfast ‘n lunch...
The SacBee Nooze was even more boring than usual t’day, this ninth day of Christmas, so I shoved it aside, broke out the mail-in ballot for the special election ‘n dun my civic duty...wow! Mark one, drop in mail!
Then....some good nooze....Kellye called, came over for coffee ‘n to show off her ‘NEW CAR’...
seems as tho’ the little Toyota wudn’t pass smog ‘n needed t’be retired....Hoo Boy! I know that feeling well as I cudn’t pass smog a lotta years ago now....
Ah well, I spoze so long as the gov’t don’t get involved with my failure to pass smog ‘n pull the plug on me, it’ll still be a good year for all concerned...
HAPPY DAZE TO EV’RYONE!

On the first day of Two Thousand 'n Eleven....

.....Which, happenstance, is the eighth day of Christmas 'n I woke up to the sound of raindrops (what else) on the rooftop of the snuggery....Once't upon a time that was a pleasant sound that c'd make a body feel snuggly 'n sleepy 'n of no mind atall to be crawling out of a warm bed.....but that was once upon a time a long, long time ago....now the sound of rain on the roof, indeed, the sound of running water awakens in me an irresistable desire to visit the bathroom....ah well....
Millyrose 'n I spent a mostly enjoyable last nite of 2010 watching old movies....we saw an ad from Round Table for their 'new' Artisan Pizza...sounded good so me 'n da boyz fired up the Matrix 'n pedaled down the street 'n shortly thereafter, we arrived back at the snuggery with two boxes of Artisan Pizza...that old standby, pepperoni for me 'n a vegetarian for Millyrose....I'm sad to report that Round Table fell on their proverbial butts with the Artisan Pizza which after only a few bites was relegated to the garbage which I immediately removed out of fear that da boyz might somehow find their way to it 'n I had no wish or desire to spend the last day of 2010 cleaning up dog vomit.....
Anyways, as a plug to Cary Heather, the frozen false teeth worked quite well with my room temp diet Coke....
All in all, it was a most pleasant New Years Eve even tho' I'd much rather be sleeping in this morning......
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL 'n remember....lots of fluids, a little aspirin 'n bed rest on this first day of....well, homilie, homilie....