The Doldrums...

"Start ever' day off with a smile 'n get it over with." W.C.Fields

I ‘uz almost worried there for a bit ‘cuz of the weather, it being so dry ‘n ever’thing but it seems my worries were all for naught...Rusty, being the elderly poodle gentleman he is ‘n subject to the standard foibles of the senior class woke me so’s that he c’d make a wee foray (wee forays being a natural state for the elderly) into the night wherein I discovered that the natural, normal state of valley weather has returned...in other, more mundane wordage, the fog has returned...

The week betwixt ‘n between Christmas ‘n the New Year is akin t’being adrift in The Doldrums...’n that’s a colloquial expression derived from historical maritime usage for the place where the Atlantic ‘n Pacific Oceans meet ‘n the weather there is affected by the intertropical convergence zone...that’s clear, right? What it means is that if you wander into that p’ticklar zone, y’can be subject to squalls, thunderstorms ‘n hurricanes...or conversely, periods where there is no wind atall, atall, which wuz kind’a problematic for sailing ships back in the greener daze of wind power...When the winds are gone, the sea has no swells ‘n on a clear day, the color of the sky is reflected in the water...at night, with no clouds or moon, you have the same effect which makes it seem as tho’ you’re floating in space...kind’a like the p’litical process in the USA during this period of doldrums that we’re goin’ thru at the moment...Gawd knows the Ioway Caucus is replete with squalls, t’storms ‘n hurricanes, not to mention the famously chilly weather of Iowa itself...tho’ you’d think that with all the hot air provided by the politicians that the Ioway countryside would be experiencing a false Spring while the rest of us ‘ud just be floating in space waiting for the wind to tell us how we’re going to vote in the coming elections...well, I already know I’m going to cast a ‘protest vote’, California being a winner take all state ‘n San Francisco ‘n El Lay will make sure that the state goes democrat...ah well, even tho’ the majority of us who occupy the great central valley of California c’n call ourselves protestors, it won’t matter in this neo-age of mob rule where votes are bought not with bread ‘n circuses but with the welfare dollars of entitlement...

I’m told that a smart person knows what t’say ‘n a wise person knows whether or not t’say it...’course, when a body gets old enuff, oldtimers kicks in ‘n all those rules get forgot...

gettin’ old seems t’be the only available way t’live a long life...

Wassailing you......

MERRY CHRISTMAS

December 25,

Justin Other Smith

Picture,

if you will.....

a cold, cold morning and misty fog,

yellow cat eyes and steaming glog,

empty cups and paper torn.....

presents scattered ‘round the horn

...of turkey picked and dressing crumbs,

crying children and hungry bums

...Santa sleeping off the jag

an empty sleigh.....

....and an empty bag.

"Cut the child in half 'n divide equally"...

“Arguing is one of those things that most people do but few people do well.”

I ‘uz recently taken to task by a friend of mine for quoting Whoopi Goldberg...

She wuz surprised that I watched ‘The View’...I like The View...well, not all of it ‘n not all the time ‘n more often than not, I ‘fast-forward’ the last half of the show to the end ‘n hit the delete button...I also like a Fox show called ‘The Five’ ‘n for pretty much the same reason...I enjoy a good argument...always have...Whoopi Goldberg is pretty liberal in her views, I don’t think she’d argue with that but overall, she seems t’be a thoughtful ‘n incisive person as opposed to Joy Behar who comes off as so partisan in her beliefs as to make her opinions worthless...sort of ‘can’t see out of one eye ‘n blind in the other’ if you know what I mean...on The View, the role of token conservative is played by Elizabeth Hasselbeck who is more often than not, fighting out of her weight class...The Five, on that proverbial other hand, has Bob Beckel as the token liberal...He is able to hold his own (pretty much) against the four conservatives arrayed against him tho’ t’be fair, the other four consist of two conservatives ‘n two with more centrist views...I expect if they c’d ever get t’gether ‘n combine the shows, what we’d have is one huge catfight with ever’one talking at the same time ‘n no sense coming out atall...sort’a like Congress...or maybe Monty Python:

M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.

R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?

M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.

R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?

M: Well, what is the cost?

R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.

M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.

R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.

Pause

R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.

Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.

M: Thank you.

The Truth about Christmas ~ Redux...

T’is the season...

for me t’get a little repetitive ‘n recycle...t’is the ‘green’ thing t’do...

Father Christmas

by Robert Service

My Father Christmas passed away

when I was barely seven.

At twenty-one, alack-a-day,

I lost my hope of heaven.

Yet not in either lies the curse,

the hell of it’s because,

I don’t know which loss hurt the

most, my God, or Santa Claus.

The Truth about Christmas

by Justin Other Smith

“Whatta ya mean, there’s no Santa Claus? Of course there’s a Santa Claus. I’ve talked to him. Sat on his lap. Wrote him a letter at the North Pole. Mailed it up the chimney. My Mom helped me. And Mom’s don’t lie.”

Uh-oh! Trauma time! Why do adults persist in perpetuating the myth of Santa Claus? Every year, millions of good little boys and girls are traumatized when their classmates tell them, “There ain’t no Santa Claus, you dope.”

Every year, some mean-spirited yahoo (euphemism for you know what) has a pressing need to tell children the TRUTH about Christmas. Last year, it was a grade school teacher. And her employers, the parents, weren’t even allowed to fire her. And now, we have entire schools that are so politically correct that even tho’ Christmas is a federal holiday, the children are being told they cannot wish each other a Merry Christmas...’n Christmas trees are s’pozed to be called Holiday trees...which only proves that knowledge without understanding is meaningless...

Of course, when the kids get a little older, these same grinches tell them the same truth about God. They tell them the truth about Evolution, how we all crawled out of the slime together. And that’s the TRUTH!

Now, they all admit that they weren’t there themselves, but Darwin figured it all out and it’s the SCIENTIFIC TRUTH!

I’ve got to be truthful and state right up front that I’ve only read a tiny little bit of Charles Darwin, mainly because he was a really boring writer and I kept losing my place and falling asleep, but I’m sure that all the teachers who preach Darwinism as gospel never had that problem. I’m sure they could quote chapter and verse where God said, “Now listen up, Chuck, and I’ll tell you the real story. None of that Adam and Eve jive. Just the whole truth and nothin’ but...”

We say that people who believe implicitly whatever they are told are naive. Whether you accept the biblical view of Creation or Darwin’s theory of Evolution, or Clement Moore’s Night before Christmas, it seems to me that they are all arguable concepts. You should believe whatever you want. It’s nobodys business but your own.

But, if you’re at all interested, I believe in Santa Claus. I like to believe in him. It makes me feel good to believe in him. And I think I’d be a fool to give up a belief that makes me feel good about myself, my family, and my fellow man.

Merry Christmas to all.

Then 'n now.....

It's the weekend before Christmas 'n it's a slow nooze day...

at lunchtime, I wuz havin' a peanut butter foldover 'n going thru the ad sections 'cuz Satiday teevee is 'most as boring at the SacBee... 'n I came across an ad for an electric car called the Fisker Karma...

The name alone got my attention (such as it is)...it’s a hybrid/electric ‘cuz we ain’t had a successful electric automobile since about 1916...

The Fisker Karma is a purty thang but priced a little over 100K just a trifle rich for a poor boy...I think electric vehicles are ackshully a pretty good option for the 21st Century but I believe the ubiquitous ‘they’ are looking in the wrong direction...I don’t know very many people that want to invest in pricey electric/hybrid vehicles that burn up ‘n have to be bought back by a company that had t’be bailed out by the taxpayers anyway...(shhhh, I’m talking GM, of course)...we already have the technology to put out an inexpensive electric/hybrid vehicle of a practical nature...they’re presently referred to as ‘golf carts’ ‘n seems t’me it’ud be a relatively simple matter to build them as street-legal vehicles...don’t know how practical they’d be at freeway speeds but most of the surface street traffic is at much lower speeds ‘n if our nanny-state government would restrict the monster trucks that they presently allow to mingle with autos (‘n tear up the streets at the same time)...ah well, if ever’one wuz in lighter, smaller vehicles, they wudn’t be any more dangerous than what we’re driving now...

"Gettin' old seems t'be the only way to live a long life. 'Course, that's only my opinion."

The weather is too nice to complain about but....

“I’m getting old ‘n one o’ the signs of old age is that I’ve begun to philosphize ‘n ponder over problems that shudn’t concern me atall.”

I been thinkin’ again...well, me ‘n da boyz meandered down the street, checked out most of the trees ‘n shrubs, threatened a few of Ol Fair Oaks famous Feral Fowl, gazed at the finches fluttering ‘n gaped at the doves perched atop the Firehouse...I talked to the dogs but they were too busy to listen t’me so I occupied my mind by thinking mostly unrelated tho’ts...

I got to thinking about the Romantic Revolutionaries that seem to have inspired so many of the young(?) people of t’day...I don’t know, have you noticed that young seems t’be getting older nowadaze...like I’ve heard ‘em saying that 40 is the new 30 but from what I’ve seen ‘n heard, seems like 40 may be the new 20 but lemme just tell’ya that don’t make the middle 70’s anything like the middle 50’s.., not by a long shot or even a short shot...anywaze, there’s been more’n enuff rants about the occupiers...

the thing about being a ‘romantic’ anarchist or ‘Che’ revolutionary is first ‘n foremost y’just gotta have a gov’t that is working ‘n sad to say ours seem t'be barely toddling along these daze what with Obama apologizing to the unfriendly nations ‘n insulting the friendly ones...I’d guess he probably sees Israel ‘n England ‘n Canada as ‘Republican-oriented’ countries tho’ there is always the possibility that I’m wrong...anywaze, it’s seems a little absurd that our young homegrown revolutionaries can’t protest our gov’t so they trash our parks...I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but I don’t see the romance in dropping your pants ‘n crapping on a police car...

“The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people ‘n greatly assists the circulation of blood.” Logan Smith

Honesty is the best policy, 'specially if there's money in it...

“If you don’t take the money, they can’t tell you what t’do with it.”

Among my more treasured childhood mem’ries is sumthin’ that happened during my time in what is t’day called ‘Middle School’...it wuz junior high back then ‘n I don’t recall if I wuz in the 7th or the 8th grade but it wuz one of those...

South Portsmouth School, 1st thru 12th in those long-ago daze...wuz situated up a short hollow that wuz appropriately if unimaginably called, ‘Schoolhouse Hollow’.

Anyways, there wuz a forest fire that got a little close to the school ‘n the highschool ‘n junior high boys wuz allowed to volunteer to fight the fire...

which most of us did primarily becuz we got out of schoolwork t’go ‘n do it but it really wuz strickly volunteer...no one wuz forced t’do it...which really ain’t my story ‘n nuthin’ t’do with my treasured mem’ry...

No! My treasured mem’ry wuz the two checks I got from the State of Kentucky for fighting that p’ticklar fire...Now, it happens that it wuz the one 'n only fire I wuz ever paid to fight but it wudn’t so much the money as the total of the combined checks wuz less’n a dollar ‘n a quarter but the pride I felt when I went to the bank ‘n cashed those checks has stayed with me for a lot of years...

Now, this is sort of a ‘roundabout way of commenting on Newt Gingrich’s recent comment about children being allowed to work as a means of growing their self-esteem...

A lot of liberal deepthinkers like Whoopi Goldberg ‘n Joy Behar (‘n a number of Democrat pundits) have accused Newt of wanting to repeal the Child Labor Laws in order for children to do the menial jobs that ‘more important’ people don’t want t’do...

Liberals seem t’be inordinately fond of extrapolating any conservative idea that is based in a common-sense approach to address a problem rather than creating a bureaucracy that inevitably turns molehills into mountains...c’uz, y’see, I heard what Newt said, ‘n I didn’t hear him advocating repeal of Child Labor laws...’n I never heard him say that young children of 8 or 9 should be put to work as janitors altho’ I seem to recall as a young boy, pushing a broom in the school gym ‘n picking up trash around the schoolyard (in the USAF, they taught us the same thing only they called it ‘policing the area’ but that’s another story)...makes me wonder what kind of kool-aid is it that Liberals drink that make them act so funny, make them spend my money, (apologies to the Big Bopper)...

My grandpa use’ta say, “Don’t argy with an idiot. He’ll drag you down ‘n beat you with experience.”

"Sumtimes a cigar is just a smoke..." W.C. Fields

“It all depends on what you mean by the word ‘is’...” Bill Clinton

I ‘uz just wondering what it is about ‘illegal’ that the Progressives among us can’t seem t’get...I ain’t been in school for a long time now but I’m pretty sure that the definitions for right ‘n wrong ain’t changed all that much...

Generally, the thing about the definition of ‘illegal’ seems to refer almost exclusively to illegal aliens which ever’ Progressive assumes to mean Mexicans who sneak into the USA for the sole purpose of taking jobs away from lazy, do-nothing Americans who are all members of unions that the Republicans are trying to destroy so rich people c’n get richer...(That seems t’be pretty much the crux of the Obamian argyment anyhow)...”The rich get rich ‘n the poor get poorer...”

In the meantime, what with the Occupiers who cudn’t seem to explain any of their demands, the Democratic defenders(Obama et al) had to stretch the definition of ‘illegal’ to include the revered (at least among the Progressives) ‘n time-honored act of ‘Civil Disobedience’ which has magically become an unwritten Constitutionally protected ‘Right’ but unwritten Constitutionally protected rights ain’t the sole purview of Democrats ‘cuz Republicans also lay claim now ‘n then to ‘unwritten laws’...I’m thinkin’ maybe a body’d have t’be an Arkansas lawyer able to explain the word ‘is’...

“The basic problem with any unwritten law is that you don’t know where to go to erase it.”

”A Christmas shoppers complaint is one of long standing.”

Saw the Chicken Whisperer this morning, a standout in her jammies, surrounded by the flock of feral fowl that inhabits the street in front of her abode...she informed me that she’d been in contact with the SPCA about a sign t’be posted somewhere in Plaza Park informing the public that abandoning pet chickens is against the law...she keeps a running census tally ‘n she told me that the recent holiday celebration had brought at least a 20+% in the chicken population...

she wuz happy to inform me howsumever that the latest batch all seemed capable of flight...I’m reassured that it seems t’be the small things in life that bring the everyday happyness that seems to elude so many at this time of the year...

I think it wuz Dave Barry who said, “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us celebrates in his own way by going to the mall of his choice.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIE, KELLI GABEL 'N ALL THE OTHER POOR SOULS THAT HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO HAVE BEEN BORN IN DECEMBER

“Birthdays are natures way of telling us to eat more cake.”

The ‘TREE’ is up...’n it’s a CHRISTMAS TREE...(Happy Birthday J.C.)...’n for all the idiots (I’m thinkin’ Lincoln Whatsisname in Rhode Island) out there in neverland searching for their fifteen minutes of fame, holiday means Holy Day ‘n I’m pretty sure almost all religions have holy days...’cept for those religious zealots that call themselves ‘Atheists’...they don’t have holy days...I mean you simply can’t identify yourself as an atheist ‘n then demand that you get a ‘holy day’ all for yourself...that’s what puts the moronic into oxymoronic...

I got up this morning to sneak a look at the ‘red’ moon...wuzn’t red at all...I wud have been disappointed if I hadn’t been so tired that I just shrugged ‘n went back to bed...the local snooze-nooze showed a photograph of the moon that had kind of a rusty tint to one side of it but I never saw that atall...all I saw wuz a bit of a dark smudge, y’know what I mean, the kind of smudge that shows up on the front of your clean tee shirt (at least, when you’re wearing a light colored one anyway ‘specially yellow)...I don’t know what it is about yellow shirts ‘n me...I c’n wear almost any other color ‘n never get a smudge but let me don a yellow shirt ‘n first thing out’a the gate, I’m gonna get a smudge of some kind...coffee, chocolate, jelly...it don’t matter, I’ll get one right away...I c’n go the rest of the day ‘n never get another one but that, of course, don’t make any difference when I’m walking around with a big spot on my yellow-clad belly...

So we’re coming up on Sophie’s birthday..

y’know, it almost ain’t fair for a kid t’be born anytime in the month of December but it’s just a classic example of ‘stuff happens’...maybe it’s karma from a previous life, I dunno...stranger things, Horatio...anyways, looks like we’re gonna have a Dim Sum Birthday Brunch ‘n that’s gonna be a first for this old man...on the positive side, since I don’t really care for Chinese food, I won’t have to deal with leftovers ‘n I don’t really care for leftovers either...

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”

A Date...

...that will live in infamy!

I’m sure that I don’t really remember December 7, 1941 but I think I do...

I wuz four years old at the time, well actually fourteen dayz shy of being four years ‘n three months...what I do recall is it wuz a very traumatic day for my parents ‘n ev’ry adult that I knew...that kind of trauma stands out in a childs mem’ry even if you can’t really remember the actual event...

I remember the war years very well, howsomever...ration books, shortages of all kinds...people putting their autos up on blocks ‘n hanging the tires on the walls of their garages...well, the people who had garages...I remember the ribbons in the windows of people who had sons or fathers in the military ‘n I remember the black wreathes that were hung when those people weren’t going to come home...the daily newspaper tracked the armies with maps ‘n stories from war corespondents such as Ernie Pyle ‘n Bill Mauldin...comedies were popular in the movies at that time but there wuz always the newsreels showing war action around the world...I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we’d had television the way we did during Vietnam that brought the war to our living rooms on a daily basis...

I’ve heard World War II referred to as ‘the last good war’ but the people who do so are wrong...During our War between the States, General Sherman famously stated, “War is Hell!”

“And that’s the truth!” Edith Ann

Early morning p'litical rant...

“A joke is a very serious thing.” Winston Churchill

So Obama came out of the closet yestiday when he went to Kansas to give a speech that he more or less plagirized from Teddy ‘Big Game Hunter’ Roosevelt on the basic ‘unfairness’ of a capitilistic system that encourages robber barons that exploit the poor by offering them jobs at such a low rate of pay as to make them virtual slaves to that system...

Obamas ‘hope ‘n change’ for the Twenty-first century seems to be rooted in the arcane ‘n disproven theories of nineteenth century Marxism ‘n his virulent tirades promoting class warfare are becoming ever more strident. The ‘defining issue of our time’ he says, “a make or break moment for the middle class.”

He ignores the fact that the middle class virtually disappeared in those bastions of hope ‘n change popularly known as The Soviet Union ‘n The Peoples Republic of China.

Obama went on to say, “This isn’t about class warfare, it’s about the nation’s welfare.”

Of course, if you’d rather read the condensed version, you could just go to your local library ‘n request a copy of George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’...or google it or download it on your kindle or whatever...I’m just sayin’...

“A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, ‘n next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen." Winston Churchill

Chilly nites.....

“Snowmen fall from Heaven...unassembled.” Joy Smith

In Kentucky, in December, we always looked for snow...seldom ever found it but we always hoped...when it did snow, I used to stare at the sky to see where they were born...I c’d do it for hours...well, minutes anyway...but it wuz always the waiting that wuz the most fun.

It never, well almost never ever, snows here in Ol Fair Oaks...the snow is pretty civilized in northern California ‘n stays up on the mountain where it belongs but once’t in a while it’ll get chilly ‘n the nighttime temperature’ll drop to about 30o or thereabouts...

If it got down to freezing ‘round here last nite, it wudn’t down there very long, not long enuff to harm any plants anyway...’n t’day, the sun is shining bright...brightly...ah well, a nice crisp day it is...hadda purchase a new refrigerator...tho’t I had a good buy at Home Depot on a Hotpoint...Hotpoint is made by GE ‘n I ain’t crazy about dealing with GE these daze but there wuz a double discount that took about 20% off ‘n we decided we c’d live with a GE product but when we went to close the purchase, the double discount melted away like magic...dunno why Home Depot tho’t that I’d still buy from them when that happened but the cashier just shrugged it off...Lowe’s, on that proverbial other hand, seemed genuinely happy to have our bizness ‘n we ended up with a Whirlpool...interestingly enuff, the two machines look like twins ‘cept for the name...

Not much happening on Crestline Ave these cool December daze...The Chicken Whisperer ‘n her neighbor doppelganger’re still spreading goodwill (birdseed) amongst the feral fowl of Fair Oaks...’n she’s still agitating for a community chicken coop where all the birds’ll be able to roost at night so’s the coyote don’t get ‘em...’n down at The California House where a skunk fam’ly has been living under the garden shed for a couple years now, I dunno what happened, if maybe somebody put out some skunk poison or what but the whole entire corner seems bathed in skunk scent...when me ‘n da boyz go walking in that direction, we make a wide loop...’n evidently, I’m gonna have to stroll down Bridge Street to have a looksee at what’s going on down by the river...neighbor Doug sez they’re plotting to build or maybe they’re building a drinking fountain or somesuch...I tell’ya, those who would be movers ‘n shakers just can’t be content with the world ‘n the way it is...sort’a like Liberal Progressives (or vice versa) in that regard...

“Nuthin’ in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance ‘n conscientious stupidity.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

A Tale of Two Beards....(more or less)

I'm just sayin...

And this ain't by way of being a complaint, mind you...

It's just that somehow I've never been able to grow what I'd call a 'respectable' beard...'n yeah, I know life is inherently unfair in many respects...

"Old ain't one of the things I wanted t'be when I grew up!"

Pre-Christmas chorzzzz....

“The days grow short when you reach December...”

Well, the outside lights are up...not the white icicly things from the last couple years...cudn’t find those...lost in the landfill, I reckon...prob’ly show up some day...in the meantime, we’ll make do with colored lights...they’re prettier anyway...at least, for a change...

And the tree is up...I figure I’m ahead of schedule...not Millyrose’s schedule, mind’ya but my drummer is a lot slower than hers ‘n I walk pretty darn slow these daze anyhow...

Yestiday, Fair Oaks Village had a Christmas Tree lighting...they put the lights on the tree a couple weeks ago but it takes time to organize a parade ‘n stuff...got a robocall invite from a local politician who wanted to meet ‘n greet...I passed on it but Millyrose strolled down ‘n took a looksee...

Then t’day was the California Marathon... it started up in Folsom, wuz a downhill run thru Orangevale, Fair Oaks ‘n Carmichael ‘n into Sacramento...was kind of a chilly start for the runners but it didn’t bother me cuz I didn’t participate...Heck! I didn’t even walk around the corner to watch ‘em pass thru the village tho’ I did walk the boyz in that direction...

Lots of turistas lining the sidewalks to watch the runners run past...not sure why they do that...watch the runners, I mean...I know why runners run...it’s kinds of a masochistic thing, I believe...

When I wuz a boy, I ran for fun...’n it wuz fun, ‘specially when you got a brand new pair of tennis shoes ‘n it wuz mandatory to run as fast as you could...

somewhere along the line, it quit being fun...I use’ta fun 5 miles several times a week...I got slower ‘n slower ‘n one day I twisted my knee ‘n I quit running altogether, darn the bad luck...still, I don’t mind if other people run...luck is a funny thing...some people complain that if it wudn’t for bad luck, they wudn’t have any luck atall but I think believing in luck is kind’a like believing in Santa Claus...’n my mother always said, “If you don’t believe in Santa Claus, he won’t believe in you.” I never wanted to take a chance on not believing, but that’s prob’ly just me...

Y’know, I ‘uz just thinking about this progressive liberal idea that every mothers son deserves a college education...pretty soon this country’ll become so educated that ignorance’ll be a novelty ‘n if I live long enuff, I’ll belong to a select few...

Fair warning, this's p'litical...

“Individual rights are not subject to a public vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of a minority” Ayn Rand

Back in the ‘olden days’...those golden days of yore...when America was truly America from sea to shining sea, back in those misty days of yesteryear, candidates for president criss-crossed the country on trains, making speeches from the rear platform...they called it ‘whistle-stopping’ back then...t’day, they do much the same thing ‘cept nowadays they do it on television...they still criss-cross the country, mostly by aeroplane but occasionally by bus...often, they send the bus ahead ‘n catch up with it via jetplane...ah modern times...anyway back in those ‘radio’ days, the country’ud listen to the speeches ‘n maybe even see parts of them in the newsreels...(if you remember them, you’re old)...they all made speeches ‘n made their promises to those who supported them ‘n then when the campaign trail began to grow weary, they had (‘n still do) NATIONAL CONVENTIONS where the parties would choose their nominee ‘n it was an exciting time, lemme tellya... the suspense was excruciating sometimes...sort’a like watching the superbowl ‘n the world series all rolled into one...

Now there ain’t no excitement left for the Democrats...it’s a given that Obama is gonna be their candidate again...so all the excitement is with the Grand Old Party ‘n the pundits are getting really antsy ‘cuz there is no clear leader in the race...”they’re coming around the far corner heading for the stretch ‘n nobody is leading the pack...gonna be a photo finish fer sure fer sure”...

In those olden daze, the candidate wuz chosen at the convention by the delegates...the rules haven’t changed...the media doesn’t make the rules ‘n doesn’t decide the winner no matter what NBC thinks...

“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.” Will Rogers

Thru a glass darkly...or whatever...

“Old age is when your classmates are so gray ‘n wrinkled ‘n bald they don’t recognize you.” Bennet Cerf

It ain’t that I really need to wear glasses, y’understand...it’s only if I want to ackshully see whatever it is that I’m lookin’ at...even if it’s only my reflection in the mirror...Actually, when it’s my own reflection, ‘specially if I happen t’be lost in the moment (so to speak) I don’t look all that bad...I c’n almost see the person I use’ta be...well, until I put the glasses back on ‘n wonder fleetingly, what the hell happened t’me ‘n when did I get so old?

I’ll tell’ya, modern technology ain’t the be-all ‘n end-all that so many of the younger generations think it is...I understand that it’s ‘hip’ or ‘cool’ or the absolute ‘new’ thing, whatever phraseology happens t’be current...Heck! Maybe ‘current’ is the word to use...I don’t know...I’m old ‘n don’t really care but I c’n tell you that science as a religion is not just dumb but basic dumb, sort’a Dumb 101...’n people who put their faith in science are people who have lost the way ‘n that’s just sad...

When a man (or woman, f’r that matter) tells me that they are Atheist, well, I c’n respect that...up until they begin spouting scientific nonsense to back up their statement about there not being a God...

‘n that’s when they lose me altogether...

Y’see, you simply can’t replace God with science no matter how you try...

Which is all mere nattering, y’know... what I wuz talkin’ about is looking into a mirror ‘n seein’ who I use’ta be as opposed to who I am t’day...like going to a class reunion ‘n wondering who the heck are all these people that got old while I stayed the same...

“True terror is to wake up one morning ‘n discover that your high school class is running the country.” Kurt Vonnegut

"A clear conscience is gen'elly the sign of a bad mem'ry."

Random tho’ts in idle moments ‘n idle tho’ts in random moments...sometimes it’s really hard to tell the difference...sort’a like the weather in a transition season...of course, all seasons are transitory, that being the nature of things...time ‘n tide wait for no man...seasons come ‘n go ‘n mankind...well, humankind as a nod to womanhood, really has nothing to say about it. We just think we do...

As humans, we tend to think a lot, almost entirely about ourselves...when we think about the world around us, it’s always how it relates to us...we’re a very narcissistic lot, we humans...the world (our world, the only one we have) revolves around us...Our reality is all that we have ‘n we tend to question that in many ‘n sundry ways...

How did we get here? Where did we come from? What is the purpose of life? Is there a God?

We are cast in the image of God, they tell us.....the ‘they’ being those who have gone before...

Or did we invent God? Is God cast in our image? And if there is no God, why isn’t there? There ought’a be a God!

We’ve been talking to God for a long time, we humans, in our conceit.

All the billions of people that came before the billions that are here now talked to God.

And all the billions that are to come will talk to God. Even the atheists among us that deny the very existence of God spend an inordinate amount of time and effort in that denial.

Agnostics fret over the possibility that there is no God. Or maybe, there is. It is an age-old conundrum, an unprovable riddle that keeps us awake at night.....

Well, something keeps us awake at night and pondering deep thoughts is more socially acceptable than computer Solitaire.....or for that matter, pondering what may or may not be socially acceptable.

I once had a teacher whose name I have long since forgot though I can picture him in my mind. The picture I have in my mind may or may not be accurate...memories get twisted over the years, bent by innumerable stories, movies and television shows.

I recall a tall, angular, narrow-shouldered, dark visaged man in his early 30’s. A man of effete mannerisms who fairly dripped disdain as he lectured what he probably saw as a parade of intellectually inferior Neanderthalians.

We viewed each other from diametrically opposed positions thus quite possibly clouding each others judgments, although it’s not only possible but highly probable that I’m the only one who misjudged the whole experience.

Age is a wondrous thing, allowing as it does, the opportunity to look back over your life and guage the depth of your early ignorance by comparing it to the infinite vastness of a horizonless ocean of ignorance in which we swim.

So my idle ‘n random tho’ts have meandered on for almost 500 words, give or take, ‘n if you’ve read all this, you really need to get a grip....

”Say goodnight, Gracie” Geo. Burns

Just one of those Satidaze...

“It’s best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.” Mark Twain

The squirrels’re teasing Rocky ‘n Bulwinkel this morning...well, not really Rocky ‘n Bulwinkel...they’re teasing Willie ‘n he want’s to go outside ‘n play with ‘em ‘n Rusty dudn’t want to be left behind...if anything’s happening, the Ol Poodle Dogger wants t’be there too... otherwise, he don’t give a Tinkers Darn about squirrels...or most of the chickens for that matter...he only gets interested when Willie gets excited ‘n Willie c’n get excited about a leaf blowing in the wind sumtimes...

We been getting fog in the mornings but it’s been burning off about the time I struggle out of bed but not this morning...Carl Sandburg wrote about the Windy City that the ‘fog creeps in on little cat’s feet, sits silently on its haunches, ‘n then moves on.”....maybe in the Windy City but not in the great central valley of California...at least, not always...sumtimes it stays ‘n stays ‘n stays like an unwelcome guest that don’t know when to leave the party...I only say that becuz I’ve had that kind of guest ‘n I’ve also been that kind of guest...but that wuz long ago ‘n far away in another time ‘n dimension...

I wuz just thinkin’ that bad weather always looks worse thru a window but it makes the coffee taste better...

TGIF!!!!!!!....

Ahhhh, you just gotta love the sound of leafblowers in the mornin’...

A bright ‘n sunny day after Turkey day...

me ‘n da boyz went strolling ‘round ‘n about the village...just a handful of turistas, mostly locals at the deli enjoying their whatevers...couple people in Plaza Park feeding the chickens but we avoided them altogether by ambling down the sidewalk ‘n looking at the Christmas decorations already in the windows...the big tree in the Park has their ‘Christmas’ lights up ‘n lighting up the nite sky...I saw‘em from my front porch last nite...I’m pretty sure that means I’ll have to hang my outside lights pretty soon (like this weekend I imagine)...Millyrose is already talking about ‘The Tree’ ‘n how it’s time to put it up...I expect I’ll have to get ‘round to that this weekend also...it’s plain t’see that it’s gonna be a ‘round tuit weekend’ what with Christmas lights, Christmas tree, soggy leaves on the ground that need my attention no matter how I personally feel about the whole thing...

On the p’litical side of things, Newt Gingrich evidently shocked the entire political spectrum during the last Republican debate when he advocated a type of amnesty for some of the illegal aliens residing in the USA...His opponents condemned the idea, the Democrats condemned the idea, the pundits condemned the idea...I think Newt is really onto something here...if Congress would just issue a writ of condemnation here, I’d be positive that Newt is the prob’ly the only person that is qualified to be the next President...’course, if being qualified to be President were a qualification, then we wudn’t have the guy we got now...that’s an oxymoron, right?

The first Presidential election that I ever voted in (I think) was in 1960 but it may have been in 1956...I wuz eligible to vote in ‘56 ‘n I may well have done so but if I did, I voted in ignorance ‘n don’t recall who it might have been that I voted for altho’ it must have been a Democrat cuz I know I didn’t vote for ol ‘Ike’ cuz I didn’t like him ‘n besides he wuz a durn republican ‘n I wuz born a democrat...took me years to grow out of being a democrat but I finally did it tho’ I disremember just exactly when it wuz...

which kind’a brings the whole thing into perspective which is that politics ain’t the be-all ‘n end-all...Heckfire! I’ve seen barroom fistfights that made a lot more sense even tho’ the people doing the fighting cudn’t remember the next day what it wuz they wuz fighting about...

“Nothing is more terrible than t’see ignorance in action.” Goethe

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation ~ as you grow older, it starts avoiding you." Anon

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off your thighs!” Anon

A rainy turkey day here in Ol Fair Oaks Village...not a stormy rain, mind you, just a steady dripping thing...y’could say a perfect rain for another cup of coffee kind of Thanksgiving day...I haven’t had ‘The Big Parade’ on yet, not really my thing, just sumthin’ that I only normally watch when someone else is watching also...

Anyways, the bird is in the oven (sorry ‘bout that Mr Bird)...The Bee (snoozier than usual) is read ‘n I’ve drank up my 3 mugs of coffee...da boyz keep lookin’ out the window but when they get outside, they look at the rain ‘n don’t want t’get off the porch...they just come back inside ‘n plop down ‘n sleep...you’d almost think they’d already had their Thanksgiving dinner...

Hope ever’body enjoys this day but please don’t bust a gut...Happy Thanksgiving

"Tofu or not tofu..."

“Those Autumn leaves of red ‘n gold...”

A gorjuss day here in Ol Fair Oaks,..sun streaming thru high, thin clouds, temp in the hi 60s...did my half-hour in the pool easy-peasy as Whoopi sez...

Sum daze tho’...I swear that sumtimes I think the only thing getting old beats is the alternative...I’m in the fourth year of my last five year plan...next year I’ll have to take into consideration the next five years...

Anyways ‘salmost ‘Turkey Day’...I picked up ‘the bird’ t’day, one ‘a them broadbreasted etcetera etcetera ‘fresh’ thingy that has only been a little bit frozen...I dunno, I think it’s all about marketing...I mean, the riverbank is alive with really fresh turkeys but the ‘peta’ influence is alive ‘n well here in sunny California ‘n if you mention (even jokingly) the possibility of serving a fresh wild turkey on Thanksgiving, you get disapproving looks ‘specially from...well, actually exclusively from, the women...it’s like they can’t draw a line from that naked frozen carcass in the supermarket to that lumbering wild turkey parading thru the backyards ‘n parks of Fair Oaks...’n it ain’t just here, it’s all over the country...my good buddy E.V. McGuire of Greenup, Ky has a flock of wild turkeys living on his hilltop homestead...I told him he wudn’t have to look far for his holiday bird but he just sighed ‘n sed, “My grandkids’ud have a fit if I wuz to hurt one ‘a them birds.”

Ah well, Happy Thanksgiving anyways....

”Tofu or not tofu....” Sid Joelson

The Chicken Whisperer....

“Fate tried to conceal him by naming him Smith.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

Now, of course, it wudn’t me that came up with the name of Chicken Whisperer...

Millyrose told the story of our neighbor who loves the chickens to our son who is sojourning in Saudi Arabia for the winter ‘n he came up with the appellation, which is just another name for nickname...which I right away appropriated ‘n will use as I see fit since I can...

Back a few months or maybe a little longer, we had a young(er) friend of ours do some painting for us...He hates chickens so he definitely cudn’t be a chicken whisperer...he p’ticklarly hated this big old white rooster that wuz hanging around the homestead...now, the white rooster wuz ackshully hiding out here cuz he’d got his butt kicked bigtime by this ferocious red fighting rooster that I nicknamed Badman Jose (after an old song)..

Well, our young(er) friend’ud get all frusterated ‘n go outside ‘n chase the big old white rooster which tickled my funnybone sumwhat ‘n I nicknamed the white rooster MacFail which teed off our young(er) friend so much he stopped speaking to me ‘n only communicated with me thru Millyrose...(life gets so complicated with those artistic types)...

Back in those long-ago daze of my youth, people had nick-names ‘n they came from all kinds of places, sum of ‘em a little on the dark side but the thing about nicknames is that all of ‘em pretty much are temporary...they c’n be affectionate or mean-spirited or anything in between...

Some of ‘em, like my good buddy, ‘Pig’ Phillips who acquired his nickname from his Uncle Bob while he ‘uz still a baby ‘n has hung on to the appellation his whole entire life tho’ I’m quite sure that he wud have been just as happy if it had never happened...I think that’s prob’ly true of most Juniors in this world also...

‘Cept maybe down south where the more common form of Junior is Sonny or Buddy ‘n seems to stick with a body their whole livelong life...

“You ain’t allowed t’give y’rself a nickname; this’s true in life as well as in poker.”

I think it's gonna rain....

“One can find so many pains when the rain is falling.” ~ John Steinbeck

Got da boyz ready for the holidaze... washed ‘n trimmed ‘n just in time, it seems, cuz the weather appears to be changing...cool front moving in...overcast, rain ‘n snow in the forecast...well, snow way up in the Sierra anyways...there’ll be chain controls ‘n local nooze guyz’ll be runnin’ up to Blue Canyon to stand in the slush ‘n such ‘n try to top each others comments...’n of course, the obligatory gridlocked traffic as hundreds of curious flatlanders rush t’see if they c’n get stuck on the mountain...

A couple years ago, a carload full of valley-gurl types spun out ‘n had t’be rescued...seems they had a front wheel drive automocar ‘n they put the chains on the rear wheels (sighhhh)...ain’t that farfetched a thing t’do ‘n you wudn’t even have t’be a valleygurl type t’do it...

I’ve never done that but I most certainly have done things equally as dumb ‘n maybe even dumber but I don’t intend to dwell on ‘em...if age does nuthin’ else for you, it teaches you to keep your mouth shut when it comes to dumb things that you might or might not have done in those halycon daze gone by...

“I’uz just thinkin’ that the best thing t’do when it rains is to let it rain.”

“If you wake up in the morning wond’ring if your earthly mission is finished...It ain’t!”

Early morning quiet....well, except for the durn roosters calling out the sun...when I went outside for the snooze-nooze I c’d hear the traffic noise from Sunrise (sounds like rushing water ‘cept for the odd siren or kiddiebike)...

Has a lot t’do with age, I s’poze... leastways ev’ry old person I ever knew complained that they woke up early cuz they just cudn’t sleep anymore...then they all took nap(s) ev’erday ‘n went t’bed early (with the durn chickens)...

Dunno why chickens go t’roost as early as they do...tradition, maybe...or could be they know that chicken-loving predators come out at dusk ‘n treetops are safer places t’be than scratching around in the dirt...or maybe the just have poor eyesight...lack of night vision, p’haps...lots of old people have problems with night vision so if you see any of us old people driving after dark, you’d be advised to give us a wide berth lest we offend thee...’course, lots of us old people have similar problems in the daytime as well so it’d prob’ly be a good idea to give us a wide berth then also...

Old people c’n be querulous ‘n quarrelsome ‘n curmudgeonly...we drive slower for a variety of reasons but mainly cuz we pretty much know about our final destination ‘n we ain’t in any hurry t’get there ‘n that thing about going into another room ‘n forgetting what it wuz that we went in there for also applies when we’re driving...sumtimes we been known to forget that we’re driving (‘course, this don’t apply to your parents or grandparents cuz the exception to ev’ry rule applies)...

Anyways, we get up early cuz we can’t sleep ‘n we take naps cuz we can’t stay awake ‘n we go to bed early cuz the durn chickens do or teevee is boring ‘n it’s too hard to read at night or maybe we’re just being peevish...

Peevish is another good word that applies to old farts...means easily irritated ‘n that makes us seem churlish ‘n curmudgeonly when the truth is we just got up too darn early ‘n need a nap...

“I have a simple philosphy; fill what’s empty, empty what’s full ‘n scratch where it itches...”

Hazy daze of November....

.

“There wuz some things he stretched a bit but mainly he told the truth.” Mark Twain

Well, I ain’t writ anything a’tall for a coupla daze now cuz truth be told, there ain’t been much of nuthin’ going on here in Ol Fair Oaks...I think mainly it’s becuz of the weather, y’see...it being November ‘n all, we been having cold nites (well, cold to old Fair Oakians anyway the temp falling into the 40’s at nite)...the daze are nice, sunny with a few clouds floating by on their way to the mountains...cool enuff to wear a shirt over my tee shirt whilst pretending t’do yard work...

I guess the most excitement wuz when one of my neighbors, reknown for her being an outspoken chicken-lover (she feeds ‘em, she talks to ‘em ‘n even maintains a running census of ‘em) called the County Animal Controll people cuz another neighbor (a new one) when she wuz moving in, her dog got out ‘n went after a chicken in my south forty...can’t blame a dog too awful much for chasing a chicken that puts up a racket ‘n runs...anyways, I heard the noise ‘n looked out a back window in time t’see the chase...the bird wuz screaming ‘n durn near flying ‘n the dog (a fine looking Chow) wuz right behind her (or him, I cudn’t tell, they wuz moving fast)

out the yard ‘n up the hill they went ‘til the chicken turned into driveway that leads to Gene Hall’s old place, Gene Hall having gone t’meet his maker, y’see)...

That wuz a mistake on the birds part cuz there’s a big ol iron gate there ‘n it wuz closed...

Now normally that closed gate ain’t a problem for the chickens that routinely use that passage for reasons of their own but it became a major problem for the fleeing fowl on this p’ticklar date cuz it slowed him (or her) down ‘n that Chow wuz right there...end of chicken...

And since it happened almost on the chicken-loving ladies doorstep, so t’ speak, natchelly she got upset ‘n called the Sacramento County Animal Control who prob’ly informed her that the colorful chickens of Fair Oaks are considered ‘feral’ ‘n therefore unprotected by government rules ‘n regulations ‘n there simply wudn’t anything that c’d be done about it ‘cept of course if she wanted to make a complaint about a dog running unrestrained which nowadaze is again the law ‘n they c’d come out on that issue ‘n have a talk with the owner...’n so they did!

“I wake up most mornin’s torn between a desire to improve the world ‘n a desire to just kick back ‘n enjoy it. It makes it difficult to plan the day.”

“One of the best things about getting old is that all those things that you cudn’t have when you were young, you don’t want anymore.”

My brand-new pair of Old West Goatropers that I just got from Sheplers in Wichita, KS were made in India...’n in the same box wuz a brochure for an American Buffalo wallet with a genuine American Buffalo nickel for only $59.95 plus shipping...I dunno but maybe this puts a ‘hole ‘nother spin on the Cowboys ‘n Indians thing...

Now, I don’t want’a be misunderstood here...they’re pretty okay boots for the price ‘n ever'thing ‘cuz all I wanted wuz a pair of knockaround boots...but I ain’t sure that I wud’a bought ‘em if I had known they were made in India...not that I have anything against stuff from India ‘cept maybe every cotton shirt I’ve bought that wuz made in India shrunk so much that I gave ‘em away after the 2nd washing...’course, that wuz clearly my own durn fault for ignoring the ‘once burned, twice shy’ rule...

A lot of people are upset over the fact that everything they buy from Walmart seems t’have been made in China but you’d think that with all the publicity about that issue that the only surprise’ud be if you wuz to find sumthin’ in Walmart that wuz made in the USA...

When I wuz a boy, all the cheap stuff wuz made in Japan...’course, that wuz after WWII, ‘n the Japanese were tryin’ really hard t’get back on their feet after the two A-bombs being dropped on ‘em...

I recall when I wuz over there that there wuz a story going ‘round about a Japanese town that changed it’s name to Usa so they could tag their goods “Made in USA’...dunno how true it wuz but it made for a good story at the time...

Now, of course, Japan has radically improved the quality of their goods ‘n the pricing reflects that...

I expect the same thing’ll happen with Chinese goods unless we really are in the ‘final daze’ ‘n we’re all going to rapture...not quite sure what that rapture thing is but, at my age, if it don’t happen in the near future, I’ll prob’ly miss it...

“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.”

It’s a funny thing but whether or not you believe in God, Heaven ‘n Hell, life in the hereafter or whatever, it still has a major effect on human behavior....

Changing Times....

The computer ‘n the internet are wondrous things...at least for those of us who have only the most basic understanding of ‘em...I wuz born in the age of steam...steamboats that plied the rivers, steamships that sailed the seven seas, steam engines that pulled the trains...’course, by the time that I arrived the steam age wuz ‘most over...

it got extended a little bit during the war years when most of the petroleum went into the war effort but after the war, the steamboats disappeared ‘n wuz replaced by diesel powered boats...the giant steam locomotives disappeared ‘n wuz replaced by sleek new diesel engines...’n the rockets that we’d heard about signalled the coming of the jet planes...’course, there never wuz any steam powered aeroplanes anyway...no matter, what it wuz, wuz times a-changing...

“The only thing constant is change.” That’s a truism ‘n there ain’t a lot of them...the times are forever changing ‘n that’s the only point I wuz making in this long-winded approach to what I started out to say....Thanks to the computer ‘n the Internet, I read my hometown paper ‘most every day...well, at least the obits anyway...kind’a hard to express the feeling that you get when you read the obits ‘n find a name out of your past...someone you knew...someone you were friends with in that long ago time...Paul Bradley wuz that name in the Portsmouth Times t’day...Paul wuz a high school friend...he ‘n his brother, Elbert...

Paul wuz the same age as me tho’ he wuz a year behind me in school ‘n Elbert wuz his younger brother...Paul wuz dark ‘n Elbert was durn near blond enuff that he wuz almost an albino...both of ‘em married their high school sweethearts ‘n both marriages ended in divorce tho’ it’s a given that when you’re young, it’s impossible to see that rocky road that lies ahead of all of us...I didn’t see much or even hear much of Paul ‘n Elbert over the years...I went back home in the late ‘80s ‘n run into Paul at Druthers Restaurant in South Shore...we didn’t know each other but since I wuz there with someone that Paul saw on a regular basis, he came ‘n sat down with us ‘n we re-introduced ourselves...I hadn’t been in South Shore in over 20 years at the time ‘n Paul asked me where I’d been...”California” I replied. “Well,” he said, “I knew I hadn’t seen you around for awhile.”

Well, I remember Paul ‘n Ruthie ‘n Elbert ‘n Berniece ‘n in my mem’ries, they’re still young ‘n happy...kind’a funny how memory does that to a body.

“Gaily I lived as ease ‘n nature taught,

And spent my little life without a tho’t,

And am amazed that Death, that tyrant grim,

Should think of me, who never tho’t of him.” Rene Francois Regnier