As usual, I'm pretty darn confused......

"T'is a puzzlement!"  King Mongkut, The King and I.....

(Sigh.....) I recall when I wuz a boy growing up in Beattyville, one 'a  the best things I ever heard anyone say wuz, "The hurrierder I go, the behinder I get!"
I feel a lot like that t'day....except now it's the older I get, the more I wonder what in the hell I wuz hurrying for 'cuz I don't seem to have got very damn far....
I wuz born 'n grew up 'bout half a mile south of the Mason/Dixon line (so I wuz told) so I guess I'm southern by birth...'course, brother John wuz born on the other side of the river so he ain't...same thing with Jim 'n Bill but the fact of the matter is 'n always has been, that it don't make a pennyworth of difference 'n given the value of a penny t'day, you just might as well throw them away rather than give 'em space in your pocket...
What we did get back there howsomever, wuz hist'ry 'n since Kentucky wuz a border state, we got both sides of the story...which may or may not account for my position astraddle the damn fence...See, I happen to think that since every coin has two sides, so does every damn story that you hear...Adam had his story 'n Eve had hers...'n the snake, well he might'a been the lawyer who wuz  advising both sides back there in Eden...'n we all know how that turned out....we all got kicked out in a sort of Solomon 'n dividing the baby kind of decesion that ended up with all of us on the outside looking in at Paradise....
Back in 1860, we, as a country, got all confused over State's Rights which the South wuz pretty much in favor of 'n the Federal gov't wudn't...so everyone set to arguing the issue 'n callin' each other names...much like t'day, y'see..'n the same names like Racist...well, homophobia wudn't such a big deal back then 'n 'course, nobody ever raised the issue of a war on women 'n such...but we called each other liars 'n backstabbers 'n Johnny Rebs 'n Billy Yanks 'n such 'n we drew a dividing line between us 'n commenced killing each other...about three quarters of a million, I'm told, 'n that ain't really counting the collateral damage...
And after, c'uz we didn't really have it all out of our system then, we took to killing the aboriginal citizens of our fair land 'n pretty much killed most of 'em off before we turned our eyes on Mexico 'n Cuba 'n then World War I came along 'n we went over to France to kill Germans...
We got a long hist'ry of finding ourselves a war ever' so often so's we can go adventuring in other countries 'n killing those people 'stead of our own....
I do tend to digress a bit but I'm tired of the Liberal/Conservative thing...I'm tired of news analysts 'n talking heads 'n I'm really, really tired of politicians...What we need is a new national sports arena like the one that's being planned for downtown Sacramento 'n I'd vote for one if they'ud  put all the politicians in there 'n let 'em fight it out...on national television, of course, 'n just so there wudn't  be any partisan bullshit on the part of the networks, every channel should have access.....

It's early, folks....

Life is just a pick-a-nick on Primrose Lane...

Discrimination is a terrible thing…terrible!  Everybody says so!  There should be a world without discrimination….Yeah!  If you’re just completely ’n utterly terminally stupid!

Everybody discriminates.  We do it every day.  Generally without having to even think about it…

For breakfast, we have healthy nuts ’n grains swimming in coconut milk instead of those nasty, artery-clogging animal fats that we wash down with (shudder) coffee that we dilute with fatty cow’s milk ’n that bane of the modern world…processed sugar!

We carry that kind of discrimination with us all through the day, lunch, dinner, snacks…

If we don’t smoke, our smug superiority allows us to lord it over those friends ’n neighbors too weak-minded or possibly too evil to give up the vile ’n obnoxious weed.  That’s discrimination, friends. 

If we choose manicured lawns over the tangled jungles of some of our neighbors, that’s discrimination!

And if some of our higher-minded neighbors with their drought-friendly stone ’n cactus yards look down on us, well that’s just discriminatory ’n shouldn’t be allowed.  I mean, there ought’a be a law…Right?

And that nasty old discrimination takes in a lot of territory…whether we shower or bathe in a tub (or, p’haps dispense with bathing altogether)…that’s discrimination.  What kind of soap you use…or don’t use…that’s discrimination.

We’re a nation of discriminators.  “Hellfire,” as my old daddy use’ta say, we’re a whole entire world of discriminators.  Everywhere you turn, somebody is discriminating.  I swear, there really should, ought’a be a law…

Well, thank God the good ole US of A has got the common sense to pass laws forbidding discrimination ’n making us all equal in the process….President Obama gets it!  We should all be equal, every one of us…I’m just waiting for the day when Millyrose ’n me (Millyrose ’n I) can go hop on one of them free government jet planes ’n  go on a $4o million dollar vacation….

I c’n just see that happening….well, in my mind’s eye, I c’n see that happening but only  ‘cuz I got m’self a world-class imagination…

Yeah, right!  I wonder who am I think I’m trying to fool? One of these days when pigs fly…otherwise, I guess it’s just my bad luck that I appear t’be permanently blocked from ever seeing ‘The Big Picture’….

Cream rises to the top, I’m told by those who puport t’be in the know and it takes someone special, someone with a real outsized ego to imagine themselves in the kind of situation where they c’n take their wives ’n kids on a $4o million dollar romp to various ’n sundry places around the world ’n do it just knowing all the time that somebody else is gonna pay for it….

Well, I got places to do ’n things to go this AM so…later gator...

Tuesday (Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....)

• Well, it's Tuesday morning 'n me 'n da boyz went strolling along Crestline on our daily S&P tour...
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• It’s a beautiful sunny morning, somewhat bucolic,  quiet ’n peaceful here in Olde Fair Oaks, even after perusing the news earlier 'n the news is almost never, ever bucolic....
• I think I’m prob'ly addicted to the morning papers (along with my coffee) but sometimes I wish I could just forget all about what’s happening in this country ’n the world….
• Anyway, there wuz lots of news about the California economy…on the one hand, we have our politicians telling us how well we’re doing, how we’re gonna have a budget surplus this year ’n we’ll be able to ‘spread the wealth’ around just like if we wuz all rich….’cept, we ain’t….because on some of the other pages of this liberal newspaper, wuz the news that Toyota is moving their headquarters from California to Texas…no mystery there, Texas has no state income tax 'n really low corporate taxes...
• I'm not wondering why they moved…no big deal, I guess, it’s only a little over 5,000 jobs here in California (Let ‘em go, we don’t need or want them, said my liberal friend)...’course, in Texas, it’s going to mean tens of thousands of jobs..has to do with more capital investment, I’m told…gotta wonder why Toyota didn’t want to make that investment here….
• Also in the pages of that liberal newspaper wuz an article telling how great California schools are doing 'n if we just give 'em more money out of this new budget, they'll do even better....except, it also contained some of the actual figures ’n it seems that while California spends almost as much money per student as New York (which spends the most money 'n has the lowest graduation rate) ’n Texas that spends far less 'n has a far higher high school graduation rate, especially among (gasp) black ’n latino students…tsk, tsk…'course, liberals do tend to overlook 'factual' facts in favor of those manufactured facts they do so well....
• Anyway, California is, according to that same paper, making great strides…they don’t say forward or backward but, I’m thinking, that without half trying, the Brown administration can take us back to those bucolic days before WWII when California was truly a backwater ’n only a destination for destitute farmworkers….'n lest we forget, the tinsel 'n glitter of Hollywood...
• 'Way back then, back before World War II, the one known as ‘The Big One’ even tho’ in the fullness of time, it has become one or our shorter conflicts, lasting only a little over four years from 1942 thru most of 1945…
• The popularity of WWII is understandable for several reasons:  First, it took us out of the depression.  Democrats are fond of saying it was Roosevelt's New Deal that did that but it wuz the war what done it.
• Then, secondly, we clearly won.  We were bloodied, of course, but we dominated, ’n finally, our collective mem’ries are distorted by the fact that, because of human mortality, most ever’body that conducted that war has since passed on…
• It’s always been far easier to celebrate dead heroes than to actually have to look into the face of the reality of war….
• Ah, the glory days….

Monday morning sniff 'n pee tour.....

One of the problems with the self-educated is the gaps generally due to a lack of interest in some particular subject; the institutionally educated don’t have that excuse.

I wuz fifteen years old, I think, the first time I ever saw a Great Dane in real life….Oh, I’d seen pictures, of course, ’n in the movies, but that ain’t quite the same thing c’uz pictures don’t do ‘em justice.

What it wuz, I had just walked up what later wuz to become known as the old road but at that time wuz the only road, a (barely) two-lane blacktop primarily known then as US 23…I’d rounded Warnock curve, passed Frank Wheeler’s Chevrolet ’n wuz just turning the corner at Bennett’s Tea Room when I came face to face with a Great Dane who stood up on his hind legs and put his front paws on my shoulders ’n licked me in the face…

To have called me dumbfounded would’a been an understatement…it wuz the biggest durn dog I’d ever seen in my life….

Anyhow, back to real life ’n our morning S&P stroll around Village Park wherein we met a Great Dane ’n Willy went slightly nutz (Rusty seemed only somewhat stunned but recovered quickly enough, ‘specially when we took to the street in a roundabout)..the couple walking the Great Dane paid us hardly any attention at all which wuz also the case with the Great Dane…I suppose animals ’n people, too, who spend their lives with the appellation ‘Great’ get used to gawkers…..

I can’t remember who had that Great Dane on that longago day in South Shore but I vividly remember the dog….He (or p’haps, She, I don’t know) wuz tan with some white…this one t’day wuz more of a brindle….anyhow, I’ve seen larger dogs than Great Danes over the course of my life…some wolfhounds that were the size of ponies…the trait that most large dogs seem to share is everyone of them has been friendly…well, at least to people, dunno how they’d actually be to scampy, trampy little dogs like Willy who, at most, would only make two or possibly three mouthfuls for ‘em….

Anyhow, we made it home safely ’n da boyz are taking a little snooze…A little too early for me to do the same but I’m thinkin’ we could all learn a lot from observing the priorities of our dogs…..

Easter Sunday 'n most of the week after.....

HOPE YOU HAD A JOYOUS EASTER!

“Tardiness is not a virtue!”  So saieth Ms Fanny Williams, South Portsmouth Grade School, circa 1946 (maybe)….

So, maybe I’m just a leetle bit tardy talking about Easter Sunday but I am prone to my own time table ’n that’s just the way it is….Easter Sunday was a fine day right from the start….we got up ’n went to church at 7:30 in the AM…a beautiful, sunshiny day from the get-go…afterwards, we went home ’n prepared for Sunday company (I tried m’best to stay out’a the way)….’n I’m gonna skip over the preparations, suffice it to say that ever’thing got done in time…

All told, we only had a dozen people here at the Smith Manse in Olde Fair Oaks…it wuz a  quiet crowd, more or less, ’n most of us spent the early part of the afternoon on our newly refurbished veranda…I guess I c’n call it a veranda now as it kind’a wraps around one side anyhow….’n there’s a table ’n chairs, two rocking chairs ’n a lawn glider that I brought home from Mom’n Dads place in O’vale…

The menu wuz sufficient, what with lamb ’n ham ’n tons of veggie dishes (lots of leftovers for them as likes ‘em which is most ever’body ‘cept me)….enuff beer, wine, coffee ’n dessert ’n lots ’n lots of  pleasant conversation…as I stated before, it wuz a fine day all the way from git to go…would that ever’one had such a day….

Took a little trip to Santa Rosa to visit fam’ly…..Hwy 50 is a mess, what with the construction ’n such so I did an end run ’n went to old way down  past American River College to Auburn Blvd where I got on #80 ’n headed west…my first indication that things were going smoothly wuz when I got to Davis, I discovered that I had cut 10 minutes from the time it’s been taking me to go Hwy 50…hmmmm, who’da thunk it?

Had a pleasant drive all the way to Santa Rosa where bro-in-law Franko picked up the tab for lunch, nice visit with fam’ly ’n a smooth, uneventful ride back home in  time to walk da boyz…

And then, I guess God’s way of keeping things in perspective, we woke up to rain on the roof ’n snow on the mountain, over a foot, I’m told ’n a temporary closure of the Interstate….

The ubiquitous ‘they’ say that growing old ain’t for wusses but here lately, I’ve been having a pretty good time without even half trying….

On meeting a wet horse...

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." Mark Twain

A couple times in my life, I have found things (I s’pect that most ever’body finds things now ’n then)...  

One afternoon, I found a baby, but only for about twenty minutes’n then found the mother which was fortuitous to say the least…And once I found an amiable elderly gentleman ’n had a nice conversation with him until his daughter found us ’n took him home…

Then, there wuz a couple times that I found a horse…

Usually, when (’n if) you find a horse, you generally find a rider nearby but not always….

One rainy evening, well ackshully nearing mid’nite, my friend, Gerald ’n I, wuz walking down the road (southbound US23, t’be precise) when we came upon a horse going the same direction…since it seemed somewhat impractical for all three of us to walk ’n since it seemed unlikely that Gerald ’n I t’gether could even lift the horse, much less carry him, why we just asked the horse to carry us…the horse didn’t say no ’n didn’t seem to mind when we clambered (nice word, ain’t it~never tho’t I’d have much use for that word but there you are) aboard ’n down the road we went, the three of us…

I think I said before that it wuz a kind of rainy evening ’n you may not know this, but horses, like dogs, tend t’be a wee bit odiferous when they’re wet…’n more than willing to share their wet hair with anyone dumb enuff to brush against them which maneuver then allows the recipient to share that odiferous quality of wet horse….

At any rate, the three of us travelled along quite amiably until Gerald ’n I reached our destination where we disembarked or unclambered (got down) (from the horses back, y’see) thanked the horse for his company ’n watched him (or possibly her, maybe an it) disappear in the mist leaving only a coating of horse hair, the odor of wet horse ’n a memory…..

Again, quoting from Mr. Clemens~"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty 'n gradually approach eighteen."

"Time's fun when you're having flies." Kermit

"There are 364 days when you might get un-birthday presents but only one for birthday presents, y'know." L. Carroll

My buddy, E.V.’Vic’ McGuire, had a birthday yesterday~77 years old….I called to wish him a happy birthday…

Ackshully, I called him a couple times as he wuz out gallivanting...that's one of the things that us old folk c'n still do 'n we seem to do it pretty well...most of the time, anyways...he wuz cryin' the blues 'cuz his new doctor took him off the hard stuff (Pepsi) 'n  told him to just drink water...

He didn't seem terribly impressed with his new doctor but then, he's had a lot of new doctors 'n he never seems to be impressed with any of them...I seem to have a lot of friends that go from one doctor to another but then I have a couple friends that just buy a new car ever' year or so 'n it seems to work out for them about the same....

Anyway, after we got all the health bizness out of the way, he wuz telling me that he has 3 deer living on his property (he lives on a hill overlooking Greenup)…I mentioned that being high on that hill, he didn't have to worry about flood but he claims that he has so many springs on his hillside that he has to run an array of pumps just trying to keep the property semi-dry...

Anyway, when we were young(er), we wandered all over those Kentucky hills t’hout ever seeing a deer or much of anything else…maybe a rabbit or two, a few squirrels…there wuz ‘possum, of course ’n I heard tales of ‘coon but I never actually ever saw a live one (there were tales ('n tails) so there must have been some somewhere but I never saw any personally)…

I know there wuz some bobcats c’uz I’ve walked the hills at night ’n been followed by one of those curious critters but I never got a good look at one in the wild ’til I came to California…

As a boy, I went fox hunting a time or two with some of my friends but never saw a fox either…until I came to California…they were so numerous out here that the hunters I met didn’t bother with ‘em…said they’d rather put their hounds after bear or coyotes…claimed fox wuz just too easy…

Game has made a big comeback not only in Kentucky but all over the country, or so I hear…I haven’t hunted in years ’n doubt that I c’d hit anything if I tried…it’ud have to be awful big ’n awful close for me to even see it….besides, I give it some thought a long time ago ’n decided that animals prob’ly didn’t really like being live targets for foolish men trying to live up to some antiquated idea of manhood….not that I’m against hunting, per se, I ain’t….not if a body wants to eat what they kill…(just a tho’t, if ever’one had to eat what they killed, we’d prob’ly have fewer murders…just sayin’)…

Anyway, when I talk to old friends, the conversation generally begins with a litany of whatever is currently wrong with us ’n how surprised we all are that we’re still alive ’n kicking, then, seems like inevitably, there’ll be a remark about once upon a time ’n reminiscing about our ‘semi-golden’ youth…we generally gloss over our middle years as tho’ they wudn’t all that important …’course, those middle years were the most important years for all of us but boys ’n old men don’t like to discuss important things…. we’d much rather talk about the weather(if you don’t like it, wait 15 minutes) or politics (if you don’t like it, wait 15 minutes) or other trivialities c’uz when it comes down to the nubbin, it’s just a helluva lot easier to deal with the temporary vicissitudes of life...

"Just remember, when all else is lost, you still got tomorrow."