Mendicants 'n other such.....

‘Way back in the long, long ago, the USAF, in its inimitable fashion (’n,  I tho't, with a certain amount of hubris) sent me half-way around the world to a posting that had absolutely no need (at least none that I ever ascertained) for the skill set that had so painstakingly been forced upon me…

After bouncing around thru a couple temporary jobs, I ended up being assigned to the base newspaper office where I wuz to do all the jobs that nobody else wanted to do…

I had a couple short lessons, very short, from the C.O. (editor) about how to write for a newspaper…I wuz told that the first law of journalism wuz that while readers may indeed have short memories, editors, especially military editors…don’t!  

That said, I wuz supposed to adhere to five things, 'n to that end, he held up his hand, fingers spread to enumerate, 'n proceed to tick off one finger at a time,  what, when, where, how ’n why…that, and no more, closed fist for emphasis, no adjectives, no adjectives, no adjectives...and not too damn many adverbs…simple, declarative sentences of no more than five words else I offend the sensibilities of any of the aforementioned editors... 

The lesson took less than 15 minutes ’n included showing me a desk, a typewriter ’n a stack of paper ’n carbon paper…I hated carbon paper then ’n to this date have absolutely no regrets regarding its demise….

My job wuz simple, at least in the eyes of the Major...I wuz to take the notes from the reporters, as dim-witted 'n unimaginative crew as wuz ever gathered in a bare-bones three room office, ’n remove all the beloved adjectives, most adverbs, ’n basically anything the reporters had thought provided colorful insight ’n turn their notes into easily digested information that didn’t take up too much precious space on the page...   
The unwritten rule of the newspaper biz is that one must never, never, never interfere with the real business of newspapers which was the sale of ad space…
An interesting concept since military newspapers as with all bureaucratic publications are not only not dependent on the sale of advertising but are pretty much forbidden from doing so…oxymoronic, but my first lesson in wherever you go, there you are rule of engagement….
I wuz pretty good at re-writing, tho’t I’d found my calling…rather than becoming a wandering mendicant, I’d be one of those ink-stained wretches inhabiting chattering, clattering newsrooms across the width ’n breadth of this wide land…’n then I found out how much newspaper jobs actually paid ’n tho’t maybe I’d make more money as a wandering mendicant….

In the meandering economy of our world today, wandering mendicants can make a pretty good living, especially if you can beg, borrow, or steal a child (the smaller, the better) to use as a front for your mendicancy but in the good old daze of my golden youth, standing by the roadside with a sign begging for help might well have got one in front of a local Justice of the Peace ’n 30 daze of picking up trash along the roadside as a vagrant…

I managed to avoid the occupation of mendicancy by stumbling onto a career course popularly known as ‘Marketing’….(My great-Uncle B.D. Parsons called it horse trading but the  ten dollar word is marketing)…

Anywaze, I wuz able to take some advice from that old-time sage, W.C. Fields who said, “If you can’t dazzle ‘em with your brilliance, baffle ‘em with your bullshit.”  

I tho't Mr. Fields, possibly a distant cousin, wuz an outstanding mentor, given as he wuz to booze 'n blather 'n it came as a pleasant surprise to find out that people would actually pay me to drive from bar to bar, boozing 'n blathering the day away....go figure....