Another day, another dollar…another year stuck up the holler….

I'm certain sure that a lot of y'all ain't got a clue as to what a 'holler' ackshully is…'n if I'uz to explain that, as a word, it's merely a corrupt pronunciation of 'hollow' 'n you wudn't know what a 'hollow' is either…..a simple explanation is that it'ud be a term connoting a valley or vale…or even a glen or a dale…I just tho't I'd clear that up for you…

Ain't nuthin' quite like getting up on a cold (norCal cold) December morning (last one of the year) t'see bright sunshine streaming thru the windows…took da boyz outside 'n stood there shivering (dunno how I'd fare back in the States where it's really cold)…Willy wanted to nose around while it seemed Rusty wanted nuthin' more than t'go back to bed…

anyway, we finally did get back inside where the day is much more comfortable…Rusty went back to bed 'n Willy curled up in my chair….I didn't mind…I had coffee 'n lemon cake for breakfast 'n read the snooze-nooze…I kind'a miss having a real newspaper to read with my morning coffee…In that long-ago time (day before yest'iday or thereabouts) when I use'ta work the central valley, I'd have breakfast at the oh so p'litically incorrect Sambo's where I'd linger with coffee 'n cigarettes over the SF Chronicle…they had some great columnists back in the day…Herb Caen, Charles McCabe, Stanton Delaplane….Heck!  I even read the sporting green back in those pre-steroid daze of the stalwart Giants 'n Charley Finlay's irrepressible A's….

Time marches on, don't it 'n someday these will be the 'good old daze' for the weary grownups of tomorrow….just imagine when they look at old pics of themselves…ahhhh, karma comes to all at some point in time to all those who stick around for her….

It's an exciting 'n worrisome time for people with all the doom 'n gloomers filling the airwaves with dire prophecies about the end of the world (I must'a lived thru the end of the world at least a half-dozen times already)…anyway, what with the Mayans (didn't happen) the fiscal cliff (dumb 'n dumber) rising taxes (a certainty, along with dying) 'n Piers Morgan threatening to abandon us altogether (devoutly t'be wished for) I expect my grandchildren are gonna have some really interesting good old daze to look forward to….

Well, I've drank my six cups of coffee, the sun is getting higher in the sky 'n da boyz are getting restless…the park awaits 'n I must heed the call….

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR to each 'n every one of you……

"Maybe the best we c'n do is to hope to end up with the best regrets." Arthur Miller



Coming down to the wire…

Whether you like it or not, the year is coming to a close...
Well, as they use'ta say in those long-ago newsreels, "Time Marches On!"...some of them scientific folk figured it all out a long time ago, way before I ever came on the scene anyhow. 
Twelve months, 'n that's it. Then, if you're lucky, you get t'do another one…  
As years go, for a lot of people, this was either a very good year or a very bad one, depending on your p'ticklar point of view...
Either way, good, bad or indifferent, the die is cast, the deed, as they say, is done... 

What got durn near ever'bodies attention wuz the non-stop election campaign…the differences between the two major parties have never been more pronounced in the whole entirety of my life.  I got so confused, I thought I wuz maybe in one of those Marx Brothers movies...
The whole campaign wuz one of those 'first you say you do but then you don't' things that ended up splitting the country down the middle...if the costuming 'ud been different, we might'a been back in 1860 'stead of 2012...(if you listened to Bill O'Reilly peddling his book, you might'a bought a ticket to see Our American Cousin at Ford's Theater)...
In the end, of course, if you read hist'ry at all, you'll know that one election won't make or break a country 'n the US of A has been around almost two hundred 'n fifty years 'n it has always been a country in flux 'n if we've learned anything, it's that things change...when I wuz a boy in Kentucky, folks use'ta say if you don't like the weather, wait fifteen minutes.....
Americans of a certain age like to think of our country as something special but, in truth, we all know that as every snowflake is deemed to be different, so too are people.  Every one different 'n every one pretty much indistinguishable from all the others…well, as soon as they hit the ground 'n begin melting….

"Now this is not the end.  It is not even the beginning of the end.  But it is, p'haps, the end of the beginning."  Winston Churchill

I just saw an ad for men's jeans 'n the watch pocket has now evolved to become the cell-phone pocket…proof positive that Darwin wuz right all along….

It's kind of an in-between week now…Christmas over 'n the New Year almost but not quite here…it's been a quiet week here in Ol Fair Oaks, well, for me 'n da boyz anyhow…

It didn't use'ta be that way….I'm pretty sure that when I wuz younger, the week between Christmas 'n New Years Eve wuz pretty darn wired…when you're young, that's party time…back then, the parties seemed to start around Hallowe'en, kind'a saunter into Thanksgiving 'n then get up a major head of steam going into Christmas 'n blow the whole thing to Smithereens on New Years Eve….at least, that's the way I sort'a semi-recollect….

Mark Twain said that when he wuz a young man, he had an excellent mem'ry that allowed him to remember ever'thing…even stuff that never happened…makes me wonder sumtimes just how many of my mem'ries are real 'n how many of 'em maybe just happened in my imagination….

Problem is, I got a writers mem'ry which makes ever'thing either worse or better but not quite what it actually wuz….d'ya see?

Honest Abe has been all over lately becuz of the books 'n the movie 'n p'litical stuff that just keeps happening whether anybody pays attention to it or not…I like to quote Mr. Lincoln now 'n then, 'n one of the things he's s'pozed to have said wuz that "No man has a good enuff mem'ry t'be a successful liar." But, then he never met Bill Clinton…I figure Old Bill has got himself one helluva mem'ry…either that or he just don't give a darn…anyhow, he puts Obama in the shade 'n if Hilary runs for Prez in 2016, we'll sure as heck get t'see 'n hear a lot more out of William Jefferson Clinton, God bless his cigars 'n dirty socks....

There's a line from a Tom T. Hall song, about sittin' in a bar pouring blended whisky down…'n that's what I wuz doing New Years Eve, 1956…feelin' a bit on the morose side of things 'n someone asked me about New Year resolutions…..I resolved then 'n there to never bother with 'em 'n have stuck with it ever since…..Justin Other Smith

"New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no p'ticklar use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks 'n friendly calls 'n humbug resolutions."  Mark Twain

A chilly afternoon in the comp'ny of turistas....

"A pessimist is a guy who, faced with two evils, chooses both."  Oscar Wilde

Took a break t'day from practicing my curmudgeonly hermit persona 'n made one of those rare trips into metropolitan Sacramento t'day…I ain't sayin' that Millyrose twisted my arm or anything, just that she suggested in the nicest way possible that I might want to put on my grownup clothes 'n accompany her 'n friends, Annigan 'n Bill, on a trip downtown to visit with their out of town family….

It wudn't the worst day I've ever had beginning with I didn't have to drive…poor Ol Willy did that chore…we didn't have to worry about parking 'cuz Annigan's daughter 'n fam'ly wuz stayin' at the downtown Holiday Inn with their valet parking…

After drinks at the bar from which I very conscientiously abstained (even tho' I wudn't driving) we strolled thru Capital Plaza…Now, it's been more than a few years since I've done that 'n they had a number of changes which I won't even begin to attempt to list (as if I could)…but it wuz a busy place full of happy looking people speaking a multitude of languages…the first one I recognized wuz French, spoken by two emaciated young smokers dressed in black (on the way out, the last one wuz Spanish by a Mother chastising an obstreperous young man of approximately seven years old who set off a firecracker)…

We lunched at the food court which wuz full of longish, fast-moving lies of hungry people (I had a Philly cheesesteak 'n great fries)…

Funny thing, none of the restaurants in the food court appear to serve coffee, so we had coffee at a nice coffeeshop next to the ice rink…'n the ice rink had a long line but everybody seem t'be having a good time…well, there wuz that one young man who fell down 'n cried but I think he'uz just frustrated from standing in line…..

I must confess that I've never actually had a pair of ice skates on in my whole long life…neither have I ever skied altho' several times when I wuz a boy, we attempted to emulate what we saw in the movies by using barrel staves…didn't work, but so much in life doesn't…..

All in all, it wuz a fun day spent conversing with new friends, good food 'n coffee 'n always a joy to watch children having fun….(almost takes the joy out of being a curmudgeon)…..

"It's tough enuff to remember my opinions without also remembering my reasons for having them in the first place."  I'm paraphrasing there 'cuz I can't recall who it wuz that supposedly said it in the first place.  I've heard it said if you write a profound saying, your name will live forever, but it ain't so.  Justin Other Smith

Me 'n my Christmas hat.....

"It's raining, it's pouring,

the old man is snoring,

etcetera, etcetera…"

It's pretty well known, even here in this Podunk of nations, that the British Empire once spanned the globe 'n spawned the phrase, "The sun never sets on the British Empire!" 

I wuz just thinkin' about the fuss bein' made over the oh, so British remarks made by Mr. Piers Morgan who, it is assumed, came uninvited to this hinterland of ours in search of fame 'n fortune that has eluded him in his homeland.  Of course, it's prob'ly only fair to concede that if it wudn't for the Brits, us Amurrican's 'ud no doubt still be eating raw meat with our fingers 'n belching after every bite (t'show our appreciation) 'n washing every bite down with Coca-Cola (Amurrican table wine of choice)…I'm thinkin' howsumever, that not too many of us coarse Amurricans'ud be so rude as to invite ourselves to someone's home 'n then criticize the lodgings but, maybe it's just me…

As I recall, Mr. Morgan wuz sumwhat indignant when Mitt Romney, after being asked, suggested that the British could possibly tighten up a wee bit on the security for the Olympics…of course, he wudn't alone in being indignant, as I recall, NBC wuz kind'a derisively indignant also, but that's another story…

And I'm not suggesting that all Brits are rude…they aren't, after all, they are not French 'n not even all the French are rude, just the Parisians 'n they're rude to everyone including themselves….

And lest sumone misconstrues, I'm not criticizing (critisizing in Brit?) Mr. Morgan even if he does have an admittedly odd first name…He has every right to live 'n work here 'n criticize our government if he wishes….Oh, wait a minnit!  He wudn't criticizing our government, he wuz criticizing all us gun-toting, bible-thumping rebels that kicked England out of our business two hundred 'n fifty years ago….ah well, live 'n let live, I almost always say….

What it is, is the day after Christmas when me 'n da boyz have been practicing our hibernation skills 'n kind'a failing at it….

MERRY CHRISTMAS

December 25,

Justin Other Smith

Picture,

if you will.....

a cold, cold morning and misty fog,

yellow cat eyes and steaming glog,

empty cups and paper torn.....

presents scattered ‘round the horn

...of turkey picked and dressing crumbs,

crying children and hungry bums

...Santa sleeping off the jag

an empty sleigh.....

....and an empty bag.

"Christmas is a time that can take us back to those glorious daze of yesteryear…or maybe, it's the spiced rum!"

I wuz twelve years old that Christmas of 1947.  It wuz cold 'n blowing snow 'n I wuz praying for a white Christmas.  Never happened.  Not all the time I wuz growing up in Kentucky.  There wuz times when maybe there might'a been a little snow left here 'n there 'n I recall more'n one Christmas where the snowflakes just teased us, but never a white Christmas.

The N&W Railroad wuz on strike that year.  Wudn't at all unusual in that day 'n age.  Dad had got on with the C&O down in Lexington 'n he had to work on Christmas Eve 'n then back to work the day after Christmas, so he prob'ly wudn't gonna be able to make it home.  That wuz a long way to drive back then, 'specially in the snow 'n ice.  Dangerous roads in the wintertime.

That wuz sumthin' of what you might call a 'transitional' Christmas for me.  Twelve is, or wuz anyway, pretty much of a transitional time for boys anyway.  What with puberty and all.  Seems like one day, you're a little boy playin' at little boy games 'n overnight, you come face to face with being a man.  You quit the little boy things 'n start doing the things that a man has to do.  It's a confusing time.  Exciting, of course, but confusing.

I still remember that last little boy gift I got that year.  It wuz a cap pistol.  I wuz totally enamored of guns.  And this one wuz beautiful.  Modeled on the famed Colt .45 Peacemaker.  And I knew what the Colt Peacemaker looked like.  I had hefted one, knew its weight.  Had helped to clean it 'n knew the smell of it.  Hadn't fired it though.  And never did.

But that cap pistol wuz beautiful.  And it broke in the early hours of Christmas Day 'n wuz put away 'n lost forever.  Didn't matter much because that p'ticklar Christmas wuz the start of a brand new world, so to speak.

Since I wuz the oldest 'n wuz, after all, twelve years old 'n since my Dad wuz out of town 'n prob'ly wudn't gonna make it home for Christmas, I stayed up 'n helped my Mother finish wrapping the presents 'n putting them under the tree for my three brothers.  

It wuz not quite midnight 'n we were just finishing. Mom wuz standing by the tree 'n I was sitting on the floor. It wuz warm in the house but I remember the wind 'n the clatter of ice pellets against the window.  I had just said, "I wish Dad wuz here…"  when the door opened 'n there he wuz, brown leather jacket 'n Stetson hat 'n all….

Y'know, I don't really recall much else about that Christmas.  You'd think I would 'cuz it wuz, as I said, a transitional one for me, but I don't.  I just remember wishing my Dad c'd be home 'n as I said it, there he wuz.  And, still there are people who wonder about me 'n why, at seventy-five years old, I still profess to believe in Santa Claus….

"Something about an old-fashioned Christmas makes it hard to forget."