“In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.” Mark Twain

We been havin’ whatcha might call ‘a tee shirt winter’...really confusing for the trees ‘n flowers ‘n such...’n according to the weather guy this faux Spring is going to continue...that’s okay by me since Spring is by far the nicest time of year in northern California ‘n I expect I wudn’t mind if it wuz a year-round thing...

So, me ‘n da boyz wuz walkin’ down our little street this morn (not at all sure why I say walking down when I c’d just as easy say walking up)...anyways, we stopped to talk with nabor Doug...he wuz explaining t’me that he needed t’do some pruning on a couple trees cuz ‘idle hands are the Devils workshop’...I told him he needed to work on his ‘idling’ skills ‘n p’haps he needed a rocking chair to practice in since rocking chairs are t’be considered an integral piece of equipment for any self-respeting idler...’bout that time, one of the local birds decided that nabor Doug needed some hair dressing which action prompted nabor Doug to inquire if I had a shotgun he c’d borrow...ah well, life in paradise or in this p’ticklar case, life in Ol Fair Oaks Village...

‘n speaking of the Village, our charming little hideaway seems to have an almost irresistable attraction for those hardy independent entrepreneurs who thrive on what has been termed ‘Boutique stores’...the latest of which wuz a candy store featuring more kinds of candy than a body c’d shake a stick at ‘n priced as tho’ we wuz on Rodeo Drive ‘stead of Fair Oaks Blvd....anyways, I sed ‘wuz’ because as of t’day, he has done moved on...gave up the ghost ‘n moved back to Hangtown from whence he came a few moons ago...He seemed t’be a nice fellow, enthuiastic ‘n all ‘n he tried two locations here, one across the street from the other but neither one of ‘em wuz what you might call a real good fit so we c’n color him gone ‘n that, I think, leaves us with three vacancies in beautiful downtown Ol Fair Oaks...

“Some people hear invisible voices, some see invisible people...others have no imagination at all.”

Waitin' for the rain....

The claim is that Mark Twain said, “Ever’one talks about the weather but no one ever duz anything about it.”

That sounds like Mark Twain t’me ‘n I believe that he prob’ly ackshully did say it...if he heard it somewhere else first, well that don’t make no nevermind anyways...

My Grandma use’ta say, “An idle mind is the Devil’s workshop.” I bet Mark Twain said that a few times also but it already belonged to someone else ‘n he wudn’t able to claim it for his ownself...

‘Course, I ain’t got anywhere near the talent of a Sam’l Clemens but I got the idle mind stuff down pretty pat...at my age, I’ve had a lot of practice...So, I’m just sittin’ here with a cup of Starbucks French Roast coffee, waitin’ for my

Pillsbury froze biskits ‘n Jimmy Dean pre-cooked sausage...I’ve fallen down the durn rabbit hole ‘n ain’t even lookin’ no more for a way out...

We got them grey skies this AM ‘n it’s gonna rain...well, at least to the famous ubiquitous ‘they’ anyways...Here t’is the middle of January ‘n all the weather forecasters are predicting that at long last, winter is coming to northern California...rain ‘n wind ‘n snow on the mountain...ALL the bidness people high on the mountain are praying for snow, lots ‘n lots of snow, snow like they had last winter that kept ski resorts open ‘til July...AND snow that filled all the reservoirs with the real California GOLD...

Yeah, I’m talking water...the stuff that makes the grasses grow...the stuff that fish swim in...(they do other things in the water also but that’s another story)...it’s the stuff that lines the pockets of developers ‘n politicians ‘n it don’t hurt the farmers ‘n ranchers none either...it keeps golf courses green ‘n green golf courses are gold also... Anyways if we get enuff rain ‘n snow this weekend, the highways’ll be packed with flatland sightseers speeding to the mountains to careen off the road ‘n bash fenders ‘n sit in gridlocked traffic while they wait to pay chainmonkeys to wrap their tires with those pricey metal links that they hope will keep them out of the snowcovered ditches...’course, there’s always some of ‘em that think once they have the chains on, they c’n drive at what they consider t’be ‘normal’ freeway speeds of 70 mph or so no problema...

All the local news stations’ll have their own people up there up to their hoo-hahs in snow ‘n smiling like they were on the beack at Waikiki...

Ah, that wunnerful, wunnerful white stuff that brings life ‘n greenbacks to the Sierra...

I, personally do my very best to stay off the mountain in the wintertime...I don’t even really trust it in the summertime cuz it’ll trick you if it can...you c’n be up there on the most pleasant day with blue skies ‘n sunshine, green grasses ‘n blooming flowers ‘n you c’n take a little nap ‘n wake to find flinty skies ‘n snow..

I tell ya, mountains have a soul ‘n a long mem’ry of human abuse ‘n if you give ‘em half a chance, they’ll get ya...

When I first came west, I use’ta know this oldtimey prospector type that hung around the general store that wuz the heart ‘n soul of Coloma ‘way back then...I went up there ever’ couple weeks at the time ‘n I’d buy him a beer ‘n listen to his stories about how he’d struck it rich ‘n spent it all ever’ time ‘n now he swamped out the bar there ‘n saved his money for another go ‘round...’n ‘most ever’ time, he’d say t’me, “There’s them as gits ‘n them as gits got.”

The woman who ran the place swore he wuz telling the truth but it didn’t matter t’me then ‘n it matters even less now...

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one.....

A Sanctuary Village....

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” Groucho Marx

Seems like The Chicken Whisperer has done found herself a comrade in arms, so to speak...someone to help bear the burden by helping in the purchase of chicken feed ‘n occasionally stopping by to aid ‘n abet in the dissemination of said food...

Well, that’s okay by me...I kind’a like The Chicken Whisperer...she’s got a good heart ‘n she frets ‘n worries sumthin’ fierce about the Village fowl...why, while I don’t ackshully go to the extreme of stopping ‘n tooting the car horn at the wand’ring fowl as they cross my path, I have taken to slowing down a little bit so’s they don’t bounce so high if they just happen to run into my vehicle (or vice versa as the case may be)...

‘n while I wuz taking a shower this mornin’ I got to absentmindedly thinking about the village of Ol Fair Oaks becoming a ‘Sanctuary City’ for unwanted ‘n abandoned fowl...see, there’s a bit of difference between being a sactuary city for illegal aliens ‘n being one for unwanted fowl...after all, the fowl (I’m guessing) were born in the good ol US of A ‘n have a right to exist here...I don’t think it ackshully sez anything like that in the Constitution but y’got to remember that back in those daze of yore when the Constitution wuz thought up ‘n writ down, people ev’rywhere made a purty common practice of eating fowl...chickens ‘n ducks ‘n geese ‘n pigeons ‘n most anything that’ud fly so’s there wudn’t any such thing as unwanted fowl...at least back then...

Things are different t’day...why, the snoozes-nooze is full’a stories about the return of a lonesome wolf to the mountains of northern California...’n deer ‘n wild turkeys abound just about all over the State...t’other day, there wuz a report of a mountain lion on the bike trail that lies just across the river from Ol Fair Oaks...’n we got more’n one coyote roaming ‘round ‘n about...’n the people just love ‘em to death...’less, of course, one of them critters happens to eat their pet dog or cat or as sumtimes happens, a jogger...

I swear, I think most people t’day get their ideas about wild animals from Disney movies where they seem to live an idyllic life in the romantic wild...

“A rattlesnake loose in the living room tends to end all discussion of animal rights.”

Update...

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

While on our customary afternoon stroll, da boyz ‘n I met the Chicken Whisperer comin’ down the street...

She wuz upset becuz, in her words, “The city of Fair Oaks just said that dumping chickens in the Village was legal becuz they are considered feral.” I cudn’t find anything t’say about that so I just shrugged...then she went on t’say, that she guessed it’ud be legal to dump any farmyard animal then...I pointed out that I hadn’t yet seen any cows but I supposed that it could happen...she got a funny smile on her face ‘n said, “or goats.”

Then she thanked me ‘n ran off...I’m thinking that if I should happen to run into a goat wandr’ing the byways of Fair Oaks in the near future that I shouldn’t ought’a be surprised...

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Paraphrasing Freddy Nietsche, “I ain’t upset when politicians lie t’me, I’m upset that from now on, I can’t believe ‘em.”

The big nooze this morning seems t’be that unemployment is dropping...t’ain’t really so, y’know...it’s just another example of figures don’t lie but liars figure...we get a lot of that out’a our government bureaucrats...I dunno if there’s a special school for wannabe politicians where they learn to talk in circles or if maybe they’re just born thataway...

T’other day, one‘a those people who seem t’make their living just being on television asked Newt Gingrich if it wuz his opinion that Mitt Romney had told a lie about him...Newt hemmed ‘n hawed a bit as politicians do but when he wuz pressed, he said, “Yes.” And when the television person asked then if he wuz calling Mitt Romney a liar...Newt replied in the affirmative...

Then, like a bunch of 3rd graders, the media rushed in a bunch to tell Mitt that Newt had called him a liar ‘n wanted t’know what Mitt wuz gonna do about it...

Now, having found m’self in that self-same situation a number of times back in those golden years of my youth, I had to sympathize with both Newt ‘n Mitt cuz I’m purty darn sure that neither one of ‘em wanted t’get in a real honest to Gawd pissing match just for the amusement of the media people who like the color of blood s’long as it belongs to someone else...

Now, it’s been said that children ‘n fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain...adults ‘n wise people never speak it...

None of us could live with an habitual truth-teller but thank Gawd, none of us has to...

But we do have to live with whichever one of these Presidential wannabe’s is gonna get t’be the designated David to do battle with the Democratic Goliath who seems to never ever have a problem with the truth atall...

“The rules are simple; they lie to us, we know they’re lying, they know we know they’re lying but they keep lying ‘n we keep pretending to believe ‘em.”