“Gettin’ old is a high price to pay for maturity.”

Stoner Hill Update.......

I guess Stoner Hill ‘s gonna have to live on only in mem’ry....’n that’s okay by me...

I’m kind’a used to the name of Crestline Avenue anyways since that’s been our address for more’n three decades...

Now, it ain’t that I got any personal animosity to marijuana ‘cuz I ain’t...I hear their arguments about how it’s not nearly as bad as booze...in many respects...but when the potheads claim that it ain’t addictive ‘n follow that claim up with the statement that they’ve been smoking it for years ‘n they ain’t addicted yet...well, it sounds like the punchline to a joke ‘n the potheads just don’t seem to get it...

I don’t want to argue with these folks...I pretty much believe in ‘live ‘n let live’...I don’t care what you do or who you do it with or how often you do or don’t do whatever it is that floats your boat, it’s just that I don’t want you doing it in my yard....whatever music you dance to is alright with me ‘slong as you don’t dance on my feet...my feet are old ‘n I’m still using ‘em ‘n you should stay the hell off of ‘em....

At any rate, the deal that wuz s’pozed to bring the pot shop to the bottom of my little hill is kaput...over...or so I’m told...

not so much due to my effort, y’understand, altho’ I did voice my opinion ‘n had a little say in the matter...I gotta give credit where credit is due ‘n the credit for blocking the pot shop has t’go to neighbor Doug who wuz the clarion voice of the neighborhood in this matter....I’m thinkin’ of runnin’ him for Mayor of Fair Oaks next year....

“Criticism ain’t always agreeable but it’s necessary. Like pain, it calls attention to a unhealthy condition.”

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car....

On my sixteenth birthday, I skipped school ‘n my dad took me to Greenup to get my drivers license...It wuz a ‘big deal’ back in the ‘50’s and you had t’go to the County seat to get one...when my father got his first license, they weren’t required at all but he wanted one...He sent off to Frankfort for it...cost him a quarter...he never said how many boxtops...

My first car was a blue ‘47 Plymouth coupe...I ‘bout wore it out in four ‘n a half months but it wuz a wonderful thing ‘n the closest I ever got to that p’ticklar feeling again wuz when I bought my first new car...a ‘64 Ford Mustang...’course, I wuz a lot cooler when I picked up the Mustang ‘n drove it home....at least on the outside..

I don’t think kids t’day feel that way about their cars but I don’t really know...

Kids t’day are awash in knowledge...it’s the tech age ‘n seems like ever’one knows durn near ever’thing....well, except for me...I’d always heard that a body gets wiser with age but seems like my ignorance knows no bounds cuz the older I get, the more I realize that I not only don’t know, I never really had a clue....

Anyways, what this is all about is that I wuz out running some errands t’day ‘n I saw a Chevy Volt (Obama-car) in the parking lot at Winco...1st time I’ve seen one on the street....not a badlooking veehickle...wudn’t buy one tho’...well, truth be told, I cudn’t buy one if I wanted it since I ain’t one of those unemployed by choice millionaires asking to have my taxes raised...y’know, one of the ways Obama c’d redistribute wealth is if reg’lar people c’d buy a car for less that 20k but millionaires had to pay at least 100k for the same veehickles....bet none of ‘em wud go for that...

Ackshully, I don’t know what the Obama car sells for...I don’t even know what kind’a price they put on the extension cords....it don’t matter, I cudn’t afford one anyways.....Heck, I c’n barely afford my 6 year old Toyota ‘n it’s paid for...

Remember; Always use your seatbelt; it ain’t nearly as confining as a wheelchair.

“A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.” W. Churchill

“Would you please raise our taxes?”....

Doug Edwards who is unemployed by choice, having made so much money with Google that he no longer has to worry about such mundane matters as the price of gas or bread or much of anything else, it seems...

Y’know, one of the hallmarks of an Obama-style ‘town meeting’ is to load it up with stooges to ask those really interesting questions that the rest of us poor mortals are just too backward, too beat down by evil Wall Street to even imagine asking...

It’s hard for me to believe that there are people out there in Obama-land that are true believers but the polls say that at least 40% of the population of this country still have faith in the prophet Obama...of course, there are people on the right that believe, no matter the proof, that Obama was born in Kenya or Indonesia or maybe even, San Francisco, ‘n thus is ineligible under our constitution to be President of these United States...I am assured that somewhere there are members of a ‘Flat Earth Society’....

“I think maybe Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so’s we could identify their corporate sponsors.”

“Ever’one wants better. No one wants change.”

‘Stoner Hill’

Once’t upon a time, way back when my mem’ries wuz just beginnin’ to form, I lived with my parents in a brick house on the side of a hill...Stoner Hill, it wuz called at that time...it has since been taken away on the tide of what people like to call progress but that’s another story...

I think it prob’ly got it’s name from a family named Stoner ‘cuz it seems that’s how most place names come about but I don’t really know ‘n it don’t really matter anyhow....

In t’days parlance, stoner has taken on a whole new meaning...it commonly refers to a person who has used so much marijuana that their brain has seemingly shifted to an alternate universe....

All that said, I inhabit an old house on the side of a hill...not so large a hill as those of my Kentucky childhood but a hill nonetheless....’n not beside a road...No, it’s a quiet little street only two blocks long ‘n one of those blocks is mainly an alley with no houses...the street is called ‘Crestline’...it’s been called Crestline for some period of time now but since the neighboring once upon a time home has been sold to the family that owns Fair Oaks Auto Sales ‘n since they seem anxious to recover some of the monies they’ve had to lay out in the rehabilitation of the old house they bought, it seems they’ve rented a building on that property to a supplier of Medical Marijuana....

There are a lot of stoners ‘n liberal progressives in California that think that the legalization of marijuana is a good idea...why the taxes alone can save this once great state from bankruptcy...don’t much matter that this p’ticklar pipedream wuz born in the mind of a stoner....

Ah well, my life seems t’be coming full circle whether I like it or not....maybe I should ask the Fair Oaks Chamber of Commerce to change the name of Crestline Avenue to Stoner Hill!

T’is an old Irish proverb told t’me by an old Irishman, “Forgive your enemy but remember the bastards name.”

DRAGON QUEST

Re: Pondering my recent birthday 'n thot's of the future...

When you’re 20, you look for dragons to slay.

When you’re 30, you ride into the sunset with the fair maiden while the 20 year old slays the dragon.

When you are 40, you watch the 30 year old ride into the sunset while the 20 year old tells you how he slew the dragon.

When you’re 50, you join a Save-the-Dragons League.

When you’re 60, you watch it all on television and tell the 10 year old how you did it when you were 20.

When you are 70, the 60 year old tells you he saw it on television.

When you’re 80, you don’t remember any of it.

When you’re 90, you start looking for dragons again.

And if you get to be 100, you didn’t find any dragons when you were 90.

“It takes courage to stand ‘n speak; it also takes courage to sit down ‘n listen.” W. Churchill

“ A Snowball in Ol Fair Oaks”

Last weekend was the Fair Oaks Chicken Fest or as I’m wont to say, the Fair Oaks Fowl Festival...Now I understand the economics of celebrating the Fair Oaks Feral Fowl...turistas come to see the diversity of the chickens, to feed them ‘n to show them off to their children cuz we have become such an urban society that most people only know animals thru Disney films...

The diversity of the Fair Oaks Fowl is actually pretty amazing...I’ve seen chickens wand’ring ‘round ‘n about the village that I never knew existed...they come in all colors of the rainbow...with multi-colored topknots ‘n feathered legs that look like pants...they’re small ‘n large 'n ev'ry size inbetween ‘n wander wherever they want, you c'd call them free-range chickens if you're a mind too...cars stop for them, honk their horns as tho’ the chickens’ll pay attention...

We have such diversity mainly becuz people buy exotic chickens for pets, keep them a few months or thereabouts before discovering that chickens ain’t easy to housebreak (never happens) ‘n then they look for someplace to dispose of what was always an inappropriate pet choice....in this part of California, Fair Oaks is that place...the dumping ground for unwanted pets...

A recent addition to the Fair Oaks menagarie was a Silkie (?)...a pure white flightless chicken that neighbor Doug called Snowball...someone dropped Snowball ‘n her partner, a black ‘n white medium-sized rooster with a Rastafarian topknot off at the California House...Snowball lasted almost a week before being torn apart, prob’ly by one of those really cute Raccoons altho’ the deed might’a been done by one of our Wily Coyotes altho’ coyotes are generally neater...I wuzn’t really surprised at the fate of Snowball...

that’s pretty much what happens to pets that get dropped off to fend for themselves...chickens, cats, dogs...tame animals don’t usually last long when left to their own devices...if they’re lucky ‘n last long enuff to gain some ‘street smarts’....if they don’t fall to a predator or starve to death, some of them might last a year or two....’course, the lucky ones get taken in but that’s only a few...

The last week of Snowballs life, she got to live in beautiful downtown Ol Fair Oaks Village...I guess you c’d say, she had a snowballs chance in.....

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it’s necessary. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” W. Churchill

“You shouldn’t ought’a corner sumthin’ that y’know is meaner than you.”

It’s an old story that we got critters here in Ol Fair Oaks...not only the durn chickens that ever’body thinks is so cute (well, turistas think they’re cute ‘n ackshully there are some less than sane residents that support that belief) but skunks ‘n raccoons, lotsa squirrels ‘n pigeons ‘n one lonely peahen...we get deer wandr’ing up ‘n down the street ‘n usually,we get a couple that take up temporary residence in our south forty altho’ with all the fixin’ up activity going on next door, I really don’t expect we’ll be having them this year....I ain’t seen a mountain lion ‘round here for several years now but that don’t mean they’re not roaming the American River Parkway along with the coyotes...no matter what the park rangers say...

Anyways, this summer, according to neighbor Doug, we’ve had a coyote come calling several times....which brings me to last nite....well, early this AM ackshully...The Old Poodle Dogger (like old men ever’where) wakes me at least once or twice a nite to let him out to go pee...since I myself have t’get up once or twice a nite for the same reason, I don’t complain about it but becuz we’ve had a lot of skunks in the neighborhood this summer ‘n becuz there have been reports from around the Sac area of rabid skunks ‘n ‘coons attacking small dogs, I don’t let the Dogger out on his ownself...I keep a flashlite handy ‘n I go outside with him....early, early this morning, Rusty woke me up ‘n I got out’a bed, grabbed the flashlite ‘n opened the door...’n there stood the visiting coyote, just between the porch ‘n the car...

Fortunately, it wuz Rusty ‘n not Willie cuz Rusty listens when I yell ‘n Willie goes deaf....anyways, when I let out a whoop ‘n hit that old coyote with the lite beam, he did the quickest about face I’ve seen in years ‘n disappeared into the nite...I guess my yell scared the pee out’a Rusty cuz he wudn’t get off the porch ‘n we had t’do the whole thing over about an hour later....

“Age teaches you to keep skunks ‘n bankers at a distance.”

“An old drunk once told me that alcohol don’t solve any problems but then neither does milk.”

Back in that wunnerful year of 1937, the population of these here United States of America wuz just shy of 130 million people...We got more’n twice that now ‘n pundits are constantly talking about the ‘changing demographics’ of the US of A as if it were a new thing...’course, they talk about climate change the same way as tho’ previous generations didn’t even have climate to worry about...

I’m not really concerned about the changing demographics of the country

although I may be in a minority in that category...I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about climate change either as I figure there ain’t a helluva lot I c’n do about it...

Thing is, Horatio, there are more things in this old world that I can’t do anything about than otherwise so I try not to spend the daze of my dotage fretting over all the ‘big picture’ issues....

I studied French as a ‘foreign’ language all those years ago when I was considering a career as a student. Hindsight tells me that I should have studied Spanish but I was enamored of all things francaise back then in my stone age. The women. The wine. The food. The women. Especially Brigitte Bardot. Who was, in todays parlance, hot! Le Sexbomb Hot! But if you mention her name today, most of the 300 plus million inhabitants of our insular nation will develop a blank stare of incomprehension. Ah well. C’est la vie!

It’s been so long since I got out of high school that if I were Johnny Carson making that statement, my lovable sidekick ‘ud be asking, “How loooong is it?” To which I could reply, “When I graduated from high school, I went straight into the military and took my basic training at Valley Forge.”

Of course, it would help if whomever I was talking with actually knew to whom I was referring when I mention Johnny and Ed. And it’s absolutely no use at all to bring up Jack or Dave and J. Fred Muggs. It’s odd to think that in this world of quantum leap population, when you get to be a certain age, the pool of people you can relate to grows smaller with each passing moment.

And speaking of passing moments, there’s a phrase that all of us should be able to relate to for what is life but passing moments? I think there probably might be a lot of people who don’t want to be reminded of that, but you know what, their moments are passing just like yours and mine.

Makes me wonder at times if time ceases to have any relevance after death. If you believe in life after death, do you believe in time after death? Do oxymorons exist after death? Does a plethora of oxymoronic phraseology signify anything at all?

Probably not!

“If the only prayer you say in your whole life is ‘Thank you”.....that will suffice.”

“If you’re the kind’a person that takes life with a grain of salt, y’should add a slice of lemon ‘n a shot of tequila.”

Ol Fair Oaks ain’t so awful big, y’know...

not nearly as large as what they euphemistically call Fair Oaks which is about five miles or so long ‘n durn near that wide tho’ the borders is kind’a ragged...it’s an unincorporated part of Sacramento County is what it is...but Ol Fair Oaks, the village itself, is only a couple blocks long altho’ it does tend to wander uphill ‘n down all the way to the river...anyways, what you’d prob’ly call the heart of Ol Fair Oaks is Plaza Park which is right downtown...downtown being kind’a built around it, don’cha see....

Now, during the summer (which starts kind’a early in the Spring ‘n extends ‘til kind’a late in the fall cuz it’s northern California y’see ‘n that’s the way our weather is) Plaza Park is home to all sorts ‘n kinds of a variety of entertainment such as the Fair Oaks Festival ‘n the Chickenfest ‘n any other money-making (hopefully) schemes that the local movers ‘n shakers c’n come up with...added to that, we have concerts in the park ‘n we have theater (theatre for the more...well, y’know who I mean cuz ever’ town has ‘em)

Anyways, seein’ as how I’m a curmugeon in training, I manage to avoid most of these entertainments (not all of ‘em, of course, I do stroll down for the occasional bbq or old car show)....but last evening, I made an exception....well, actually the exception wuz made for me by Millyrose accepting an invitation to attend a play in the park...

I ain’t gonna bore anyone with the details of the preceding dinner ‘n I don’t want to embarrass the guests by ackshully naming ‘em so I’ll get straight to the entertainment....what it wuz, wuz a musical play called, “The Great American Trailer Park Musical”....Now it sez in the playbill that it ain’t South Pacific or West Side Story ‘n it definitely wudn’t...but what it wuz, wuz fun....it wuz a show about adultery, strippers, murderous boyfriends, Costco ‘n the Ice Capades...all wrapped up in Hee Haw manner....I should’a brung a pillow (as advised by Millyrose) but I didn’t so my behind got a little.....well, tired but I sat thru the whole show ‘n clapped for the performers who pretty much got a standing ovation at the end....prob’ly as much from the hard benches as the performances but maybe not...anyways it wuz a fun evening in Ol Fair Oaks.....

“The human race has only one really effective weapon ‘n that’s is laughter.”

Tho'ts in the nite....

As I get older I find my superficial manners suck ‘n my profound manners ain’t worth much either.

Our existence and that of the world around us seems ample proof of creation; the ability of plant and animal species to adapt to changing circumstance offers credible evidence of evolution...whether molten lava, when exposed to atmospheric conditions, turns to rock which in turn becomes dirt is proof of creation and/or evolution is part of that equation is beyond my ability at this hour of the night.

There is nothing so absurd but some philospher has said it.

The poodle-dogger.....

Humans are funny critters. We spend millions of dollars on dogs ‘n cats...if I went to a barber ‘n he wanted to charge me half as much for a shave ‘n a haircut as I pay for my dogs, I’d call him a crook 'n walk out.

Gotta get up early in the morn ‘n take the Poodle-dogger to the Vet...minor surgery but he’s gonna have t’be there all day...

I know it’s kind’a silly but I seem t’be worrying more about his surgery that I did my own....’course, the fact that I didn’t fret too awful much about my own surgery might’a been the pills that I took beforehand....”might’a been the whisky, could’a been the gin....etc...”

Anyways, he’s very comfortable at the moment...I’m the one that's sitting in front of the computer sleepless...Poodle-doggers don’t fret about a lot of stuff, y’know...at least before it happens...dog’s’ll get stressed if you leave them alone for too long or if you take them out of their routine....dogs like routine...Heck! People like routine...

it’s easier that way...go to bed at or near the same time ev’ry nite...get up the same way ev’ry morning....what wuzzit the poet said, “.....lives of quiet desperation...”

When we’re young, we have this great desire to lead a non-boring life...a life full of adventure ‘n travel...new places, new things...no dull routine for our unfettered souls..of course, even in our desperate search for fulfillment, our rebellion against the routine sameness of our parents...our lemming-like quest for a unique life of meaning, we join an army of like-minded peers...we dress alike, we talk alike, we listen to the same music, we dance the same dances...we become part of the herd...our ‘routine’ may not be the same as our parents but it is a routine becuz peope, like our canine friends, are most comfortable living a life of routine where we kind’a know what tomorrow will bring....

“The nicest thing about the future is that always starts tomorrow.”

What it wuz....

“Being in politics is an awful like being a football coach...you have t’be smart enuff to understand the game ‘n dumb enuff to think it’s important.”

Well, I watched the GOP debate...at least, I watched most of it...I tho’t Brian Williams showed some pretty good sense for a change as mostly he kept his mouth shut ‘n let the fellow next to him ask the really dumb questions.....Y’just gotta wonder where some of them noozepersons come up with their questions...must be a school of dumb questions somewhere that I ain’t heard about...I watch the nooze ‘n I know that there’s a whole lot of big problems in this country ‘n around the world that gets reported on every nooze show there is...’n more’n that, the internet is spilling over with nooze reports from ever’body ‘n their brother that c’n tweet or toot or type a message...I know that people that call themselves ‘professional reporters’ are aware of what’s happening here ‘n there ‘n you’d think that just for the sake of argument that one of them ‘ud ask this lineup of presidential hopefuls what they tho’t about the world economy ‘n how it affects the USA ‘n about the various ‘n sundry wars that we’re involved in ‘n how the hell we’re gonna get ourselves out of them....Now the hope is that one of these contenders (or someone f’r Gawds sake) will replace Obama who, no matter what some of my diehard liberal friends think, has been the most divisive president of our time ‘n needs to go,,,,’n I don’t really care where he goes s’long as he goes...

So, I was reading some of the comments about the debate ‘n I got to wond’ring if these nooze people had been watching the same debate that I saw ‘n it reminded me of a long ‘n funny story told by Andy Griffith back in my Once’t upon a time daze.....

“I think it was that it’s some kindly of a contest where they see which bunchful of them men can take that pumpkin and run from one end of that cow pasture to the other without gettin’ knocked down or steppin’ in somethin’...” Andy Griffith

"Making things complicated is simple.

Making things simple is complicated."

As a general rule, I don’t talk much about religion...I don’t mind talking about politics even tho’ some people get downright hostile...’course most people are so caught up in their own p’ticklar p’litical web that as passionate as some of ‘em get, they don’t really hear what you say if it’s sumthin’ they disagree with..it’s a most cur’ous thing that it’s common only to the true extremists no matter which direction they lean....

That said, t’other day on the telly....well, a week or so ago ackshully, some woman at a p’litical rally in New Hampshire or sum such wuz eggin’ her child to ask questions of Rick Perry....I ‘spect her intent wuz merely to embarass the man but, that’s what politics is all about a good part of the time...anyways, she had the kid ask about evolution versus creation...Now, Govenor Perry deflected as politicians are wont to do ‘n gave a non-answer answer which didn’t satisfy her one darn bit ‘n as the Governor wuz moving away, she wuz urging her child to ask if Perry believed in science....

Now, I find it amusing that people who most often deride ‘faith based’ religions are the very ones preaching that everyone should believe science because science is based in fact...in other words, we should accept on faith that science is absolute.

I s’poze it’s absolutely oxymoronic that science itself preaches that we should never accept any absolute on faith alone but that evidently excludes the part about evolution being a ‘theory’....ah well, I guess I’m just a nit-picker at heart...

Anyway, as religions go, science is perhaps the most popular in our secularist society today. But those who worship at the altar of science worship a false god ‘n those who believe that science has all the answers inhabit a fools paradise ‘n are, I’m afraid, bound t’be disappointed...

prob’ly have to spend eternity listening to that Peggy Lee recording of “Is that all there is?”....

To be fair, science has almost as many prophets as any bible from Galileo to Hawkins but their basic tool is human reason, which is at best a most incompetent judge of truth...

Fortunately for the human race, God doesn’t need any of us to defend Him against science. God simply doesn’t need to be defended at all.

"The human race has only one really effect weapon 'n that is laughter." Mark Twain