Told ya so.........

Have y’ heard? It made national news....coffee is good for you. And it wudn’t a study by some coffee company hopin’ to beef up their sales. Nosirreebob, they were doin’ research on heart-healthy food and drink. And SURPRISE-SURPRISE....coffee is good for you. Like I been sayin’ all along. The same as chocolate. And red wine. Like ever’one else in the world, I love sayin’...”I hate to say this but I told you so all along.”
They’ve been saying for a long time that various teas are good for you but coffee has been a contentious bone stuck in the craw of dieticians ever’where...Same with butter and fried eggs. The anorexic diet gurus all seem t’be on retainer from margarine manufacturers and the criteria for determining the ‘best for you’ margarine seems t’be...the worse the taste, the better it is for you. I think they call that ‘better living through chemistry.’ Chemists make margarine and cows make butter. I’ll put my faith in the cow ever’time...
The ubiquitous ‘They’ have been changin’ all the guidelines recently....blood pressure and blood sugar need to be lower....exercise levels need to be elevated. Thirty minutes a day ain’t enuff....ya gotta walk that treadmill for an hour....Fat is out, starvation is in. Junk food is bad and cardboard if good. If you wanna live long enuff t’be really old and decrepit, you need to starve yourself.
‘Course, it’s prob’ly oxymoronic that overweight Americans for the most part have longer life spans than any civilization in history.
I wuz told that I need to lower my ‘bad’ cholesterol and raise my ‘good’ cholesterol, so to that end, I hearkened to the television commercials and reintroduced oatmeal to my diet. ‘Course, I made some minor additions just to make it a little more appealing.....y’know...bananas, raisins, brown sugar, milk and other things depending on what’s available at the moment.
I add sum buttered toast (whole grain, of course) for additional fiber and wash the ‘hull mess down with three or four mugs of coffee, which according to my dieticians measurements, equal six to eight cups and helps to jump-start a nervous tic at the corner of her left eye...
I told her that I’d heard that a bottle of beer ever’ day would help raise my good cholesterol....She cringed and sed that wuz true but beer wuz so bad for you otherwise....
An apple a day is s’pozed to be so good for you that it may sum day require a prescription and a co-pay...’Course, if your new teeth won’t allow you to crunch that apple, you c’n always turn to your juicer (available at Costco and other fine stores) and turn the entire apple, peel, core, seeds, et al into a senior slurpee. Y’could prob’ly add a little dark chocolate to the mix and make it even healthier.
It all reminds me of that old Woody Allen movie where future generations discovered that booze, tobacco and fat were all super beneficial to humanss. (Sighhhhh)