"Raindrops are fallin' on my head…"

Raindrops ain't p'ticklar about whatever part of your anatomy they fall on…if you ain't got enuff sense to come in out of the rain, you're gonna get wet…"and that's the truth!"  Edith Anne….

It ain't unusual for Sacamenna to get a little rain 'n chill over Memorial weekend…everybody expects that the weather is gonna be  hot this time of year but seems like more often than not, the Jazz Festival has been marked by chilly, rainy weather…

Mark Twain famously stated, not necessarily about Sacramento,  "Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it."  Local scribes are noted for quoting our most famous non-resident becuz he worked for a short time for the now defunct Sacramento Union (A republican rag) which wuz (in large part) run out'a town by McClatchy News (SacBee~famously democrat) cuz they tho't that the absence of competition 'ud make it easier for them to make money 'n set policy…Now they're scrambling for money (they say) 'n The Bee seems t'be succumbing from liberal dry rot altho' once in a while (rare) they seem actually to stumble upon a story that bears publishing…like the recent story on the nature of wild life management…and that story read as though it should'a been, could'a been culled from the pages of a news magazine (which don't really seem to exist anymore either)….ah, the demise of print journalism…t'ain't really dying, y'know…it's just morphing into something else…that's the true meaning of evolution…the Darwin crap the secularists would have you believe just ain't so…I get a kick when people expect me to take science on faith but fail to understand when I tell 'em that's the definition of religion…talk about the tail wagging the dog…

"we are confronted with insurmountable opportunities."  Pogo

Going Viking....

"Hello Silence, my old friend……"  Paul Simon

'S almost half past three 'n except for the distant crowing of an anxious rooster, it's one 'o them silent nights….or at least as silent as this modern world gets…T'ain't like it use's be, y'know…back in them olden daze, it could get durn near as silent as the grave sometimes but now, now there's always a distant noise of some kind…borne on the night air…ambient noise like ambient light…part of the package…what we get for living in this age…not that any of us have had any real choice in it…in this life, you play the hand you're dealt whether you want to or not…

There wuz a line in a Whitman poem about being 'the Captain of your fate, Master of your soul' or vice versa…whatever!  Truth be told, I think the chaos theory of life may be the only relevant theory that humankind has ever come up with that makes even the slightest sense…'n that certainly has t'be suspect, coming as it does from the drinking horns of the wild Norsemen…

I woke up a little bit ago thinking about a 'wild' Norse friend of mine that I haven't seen for a couple years 'n it came t'me that every Norseman that I've even known has all been on the stodgy, conservative side 'n I can't imagine any of 'em going viking…the word 'viking' which we've come to recognize as a noun was once upon a time, a verb.  People went a-viking 'n it roughly translates as a Norse road trip where a group of them would board longboats 'n go to sea in search of…well, basically anything that struck the fancy of the moment…whatever they could beg, buy, or borrow…or take by force…their arrival in most seacoast towns 'n villages usually meant raping 'n pillaging 'n plundering…the old-time Norse were great plunderers, so I've been led to believe…they were also great traders because some of those seaside towns were pretty rough places 'n didn't take kindly to being pillaged or plundered…anywaze, raping 'n pillaging 'n plundering is a pretty common practice for humanity on the whole 'n it's still going strong in this, our Twentyfirst century 'cept we don't call it 'going Viking' anymore ' n all the wild Norsemen are lost in the mists of time…

"Time flies whether you have fun or not!"  Justin Other Smith 

The Perfect Rule:  In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane!  Mark Twain

On May 23rd, 1959, Millyrose 'n me stood up in front of a Justice of the Peace in the basement of the courthouse in Morehead, Kentucky 'n got ourselves married…the best man wuz a good ol boy name of Beecher Taylor who I lost track of several years later…we had to wait for a little bit cuz Governor Happy Chandler wuz giving a speech upstairs…he offered to do the honors for us but I wuz just a little bit on the temperamental side back in those 'salad' daze 'n turned him down…dumb of me, I know, but I wuz a little snobbish about politicians back then…Happy got out of politics 'n went on to become baseball Commish which is a big step up by anyone's standards…

Anyway, t'day wuz our 53rd Anniversary which sez a whole lot for Millyrose's sticktoitiveness 'n my general good luck…I got to say that I think I've been pretty lucky most of my life considering my general lackadaisicalness 'n all…

All in all, it wuz a very pleasant anniversary day beginning as it did with coffee 'n cornflakes 'n a stroll around Village Park with da boyz, after which we hopped into the Matrix 'n pedaled fast as I c'd down highway 5 0 to what wuz once the little town of Santa Rosa…crowded place now, all squeezed up between the surrounding low mountains (in Ky, we'd just call 'em hills but in California, they're mountains)…We had lunch at a golf course with some of her siblings, caught up on some pleasant, if innocuous, conversations 'n some half-hearted plans for the fam'ly reunion in July (where, when, whatever) 'n home again, home again, jiggety-jog…neighbor Doug asked me how far it wuz to Santa Rosa 'n I told him that it wudn't near as far as it use'ta be back in the old daze….Time wuz, it took 3 hours or a little more 'n now it's a little less than 2 (barring the unforeseen, of course)…same thing with Ell Lay…back in the early daze of our California adventure, it took almost 12 hours to or from but now with the new (almost) freeways 'n the improved automocars, it only takes a little over 5 hours…'course, all things considered, it wuz a much nicer drive back then…there were a couple of those Giant Orange drive-ins 'n in Merced, Lucky Lager had an open-air beer stand right in the middle of town…99 highway wuz a good road to ride in those halcyon daze….

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns sumthing he can't learn any other way."  Mark Twain

A quiet night....

"I've been studying the traits 'n dispositions of the 'lower animals' 'n contrasting them with the traits 'n dispositions of men 'n find the results most humiliating."  Mark Twain

Well, it's late on a Friday nite 'n the world around me is pretty quiet…nobody disturbing the roosters 'n even the chihuahua across the street seems to have settled in for the night altho' truth be told as soon as the Chicken Whisperer gets restless 'n goes roaming down the street, he'll be the first to announce it…I hear her talking to the moon 'most nights (as an old moon-talker myownself, I can't fault her too much for that) 'n I see her up early, loaded with buckets of chicken feed, making her first round of the day…then I think she sleeps most of the day 'cuz I don't see her until she makes her evening rounds…she carries two big plastic buckets 'n spreads the feed around the village…seems like wherever me 'n da boyz stroll, we're just following her trail…Willie, who'll eat anything, will stop occasionally to nibble at the chicken feed but Rusty is more p'ticklar…well, for a dog anyway since I think it may be a dog law that they have to try to eat durn near anything…they're a lot like humans in that respect…

The fact that humans are omnivorus critters that breed indiscriminately is prob'ly why we're over-populating this planet of ours as fast as we can…I read someplace t'other day that we've drilled thru a couple miles of ice up in the Artic somewhere 'n tapped into a lake of pristine water that's not seen the light of day since prob'ly before Adam…I tell ya, once't we get our grubby human  paws on something, it don't stay pristine very long…A couple years ago, some science fellers found what wuz possibly the oldest tree on earth 'n promptly cut it down so's they could count the rings to find out just how old it wuz so they could write it down 'n put it in a record book that they could store under glass in a museum…reminds me of when I wuz a boy 'n my younger brother, John, 'ud get his hands on a new toy which he would immediately dismantle to see what made it tick…'n could never put Humpty-Dumpty back together again…

I ain't making any judgements here, y'understand…I'm just glad that I ain't the one that killed the last Dodo bird or Carrier pigeon or whatever 'n I won't be the one to cut down the last giant Redwood but I'd bet a nickel than when we get down to the two last people on this planet 'n they build a spaceship that'll allow them to escape, they'll get into an argument about where they're going….

Fridays, go figure...

"Apparently, there is nuthin' that cannot happen t'day."  Mark Twain

Early up this Friday 'cuz Willie really hadda go 'n a body just can't trust him outside without a leash…he goes deaf 'n won't hear a thing that you might say to him…y'know sumthin' like, "C'mon back here!"  No problem when he's tethered, he hears perfectly fine then…

Anywayze, this day has dawned fine 'n clear 'n most definitely gonna be on the warmish side so I made sure to get our forenoon stroll around the park over 'n dunwith before the heat…as I wuz crossing the street (basically to get to the other side) I saw an old graybeard exit the Deli/coffeeshop 'n head off down the street…now what it wuz that made the old graybeard p'tick'ly noticeable wuz the fact that he wuz sporting a kilt…'n a camo-kilt at that…now this being California, of course, one learns over time to expect the unexpected so often that it ain't all that unexpected any more (confused yet?)…what the heck, we elected Governor Moonbeam twice…'course, he had a 30 year break between terms 'n I have to believe that even the Democrats that voted him back in were under the belief that he had evolved somewhat in that time…which hearkens to the definition of insanity that claims doing the same thing 'n expecting a different result…well, we are famous for being the land of fruits 'n nutz, aren't we?

So, as we were traversing the huge parking lot (?) where once stood the Shire Road Pub, an elderly (older'n me) man came out of the mortuary 'n almost tripped over his own feet watching the guy in the camo-kilt…a middle-aged woman leaning against a car (the elderly mans daughter, as it turned out) wuz also watching…

"Tain't often y'see a man in a kilt" sez I,  to which she remarked, "I wonder what he's wearing underneath."  

"A matter of personal choice, I expect." I replied as da boyz dragged me away…Little dogs c'n get you into a lot of conversations with people but they c'n also get you out…having a really good exit strategy is always a good plan…

One more time, ba-da-boom.....

"Ridin' the range once more...."

Y'know, the 'net is a wondrous thing, specially for an old information junkie like me… I never go to an encyclopedia anymore 'cuz ever'thing I want to look up is on the 'net..more information than I ever tho't I might want to know about is at my fingertips…I can read newspapers from around the world 'n I can comment on the stories that I read there…it's truly amazing…And then, you interact with AT&T…And it all goes away…'n there ain't a darn thing that you c'n do about it…oh, you can call the 800 number so thoughtfully provided 'n get the most polite recording in the world that will engage you in a most frustrating game of 'Round Robin'….until you get to the point that if you have access to a shotgun could easily result in terminating your computer, your telephone 'n even the darn television…might even make you want to blow holes in the walls of your house…could easily have the end result of the authorities coming in to take you away for a nice rest in a pea-green institution somewhere in the wine country…'course, you wudn't be getting any of the wine but you would get your meals catered courtesy of the taxpayers…if AT&T picked up the tab, it might be worth it...

All that said, when I finally made human contact with AT&T at a secret facility located in the hills of eastern Kentucky, Tom 'n Teri 'n Alex ('n a couple others whose names escaped my brittle mind) were extremely helpful 'n with their help, I plugged various 'n sundry cords 'n connectors into 'n out of assorted slots 'n somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even...ackshully, sometime during the nite, all on its ownsome, the modem evidently decided it had grown tired of playing mind games with me so when I woke up this morning 'n looked at it, all the lights that were s'pozed t'be green were in point of fact, green...so I called AT&T, spoke with Alex who led me thru the process of re-establishing computer contact with the world at large 'n here we are...back in the saddle again...

Press 1 for English...

So Millyrose called AT&T 'n made a deal to upgrade the service so's she c'd use her ipad which to date she's been unable to come to terms with (I ain't come to terms with it either but then I don't want to)…anyways, we got a fancy new modem that after a 3 day struggle 'n more frustrating 'fone calls to AT&T than I want to enumerate, has finally got 4 green lites glowing the way they're s'pozed to (except I still can't get on the internet)…ahhhhhhwellllll, t'morrow's another day….

Anyhow, after a stressfull 'n almost harrowing 2 hours on the phone with a good ol' boy from eastern Kentucky (sumwhere 'round 'n about the Ashland area) who assured me that 'I'm gonna fix your problems 'cuz I don't give up."   But, then he gave up 'n arranged for an actual real-life human bean to come to the house tomorrow 'n fix the problem…ah well, tomorrow's another day…

Millyrose 'n I got in the car, turned on the a/c 'n headed out for Winco for sum of the necessities of life (let your imagination wander wherever it will)…we found a parking place in the shade which I took t'be a good sign 'n we traipsed into the crowded aisles of Winco…

At the checkout, we found ourselves behind a woman who wuz behind a young mother who really wuz stressed 'n harried as she wuz coping with bagging a lot of stuff while dealing with a baby in a stroller 'n a grandmother with a walker,    who wasn't quite sure where she wuz or what she wuz doing there…

Now, normally I find Winco t'be a very customer friendly place but t'day, for whatever reason (maybe the tatt's 'n the somewhat strident voice, I dunno) but nobody stepped forward to help this young mother….by the time I got up to the cashier, the woman ahead of me had managed to bypass the stroller 'n the walker 'n wuz bagging her own (relatively small) order on the other side while the harried young mom piled  plastic bags on top of each other in her cart...

As Millyrose 'n I bagged our necessities, the young mother began to herd the grandmother 'n the baby stroller toward the exit while towing the overloaded grocery cart…'n nobody from the normally customer-friendly Winco offered to help so what's a good ol boy t'do, I mean I wuz once upon a time a boy scout (ackshully twice't upon a time) so while Millyrose pushed our little cart, I stepped forward 'n offered to help…Well, you know, it's a feel-good thing 'n while I probably didn't make this young lady's day a whole lot better, I certainly  didn't make it any worse…

So, that's me patting m'self on the back which I think everyone is entitled t'do once't in a while...

"The only thing that saves us from bureaucracy is the bred in the bone inefficiency of the thing."

Justin Other Fiesta.....

Whoop-di-doo times in Ol Fair Oaks….

T'other nite…well, last nite ackshully, a foreclosed house up the street wuz robbed…they (the bad guys) didn't really get much but they tore out some fixtures 'n did a little more damage than what the inspectors had inflicted before fleeing from a couple of neighbor ladies who called John Law 'n then for whatever reason, confronted the perps…(I watch cop shows just like everybody else)…anyways, the bad guys got away 'n it just gave us sumthin' to talk about on our little street…

T'day wuz the first day of Fiesta so we had lotza turistas up 'n down the street 'n one of the neighbors took the opportunity to have a 'yard sale' which wuz successful enuff that she's gonna do it again tomorrow…

I found all this out when da boyz 'n I went for our evening stroll…the turistas wuz all leaving 'n as things quieted down, the chickens came out (they hid from all the people) for their evening forage 'n my neighbor closed down her yard sale 'n da boyz 'n I headed home…

Millyrose came in all agog (now there's a word that y'just don't often get to use) informing me that there had been an armed robbery in Plaza Park…just goes to show that you shouldn't ought'a stay too long at the party, I guess, as three people strolling in the almost empty park were confronted by a man with a gun who robbed them…Now, I gotta say that things like that don't normally happen in Ol Fair Oaks…Oh, we get the occasional burglary 'n foreclosed houses anywhere are subject to being ransacked 'n vandalized 'n if you leave your vehicle unlocked you c'd almost expect somebody to go through it…sort of a crime of opportunity, y'might say but you just don't expect t'be mugged at gunpoint in the park in Ol Fair Oaks…

"Get your facts first, then distort them as you please."  Mark Twain

Cinco de Mayo weekend...

"There ain't a shred of evidence in favor of the idea that life is serious."

Fair Oaks Fiesta is this weekend…two whole daze of tourists blocking the streets…'n all of 'em wanting t'see the fabled Fair Oaks feral fowl but they'll wonder where all the chickens are when they get here 'cuz while chickens are pretty dumb on the evolutionary scale (somewhere akin to politicians) they're smart enuff to get out'a Dodge when the trailhead comes t'town…'n this time I got the timing right…I rolled out the garbage cans to block off the front of the homestead so maybe I c'n keep 'em from parking in my Elephant Ears (I don't know what the real name is)…the rest of Crestline is doing pretty much the same…t'ain't that we don't like tourists but it promises t'be pretty crowded this weekend what with all the advertising…last year the movers 'n shakers of Ol Fair Oaks tried to change the name 'n called it Fair Oaks Fest of some such but that didn't prove t'be too pop'lar so this year they went back to the time-honored Fair Oaks Fiesta…I don't know how many years they've called it that but that wuz the name of it when we first got here 'way back in the 'sixties…I got to talking with one 'o the park employees t'other day 'n he asked me which I tho't wuz the most popular, Fair Oaks Fiesta or Fair Oaks Chickenfest…I tole him that since the Chickenfest wuz only a couple years old then the Fiesta just had t'be the winner….turned out he's a Kentucky boy (family from Sandy Hook…that's in Elliot county 'n about half the size of South Shore)…

"My formula for living is quite simple.  I get up in the morning 'n I go to bed at night.  In between, I occupy myself as best I can."  Archie Leach