Chicken or the egg....????

"Things that you're liable to read in the Bible ain't necessarily so…." Sporting Life in Porgy ''n Bess (Gershwin)

There are people (literalists, they call 'em) who believe implicitly in the Holy Bible.  If it says it in the Bible, it just has t'be true 'n if it ain't in the Bible, well…

On the proverbial other hand, there are people (secularists, they call 'em) who believe the Bible is just another book 'n there ain't anything inspired about it at all…

Now the literalists believe in the concept of Creation because the Bible says so 'n the secularists believe in Evolution because Charly Darwin aka: Scientist, tells 'em so….

Now that sounds t'me pretty much like six of one 'n half dozen of another…like if you flip a coin, heads I win 'n tails, you lose…that kind'a game, if y'know what I mean...

"Course, you also get secularists mocking literalists because The Bible asks their adherents to accept on faith whereas secularists base their beliefs in Holy Science that purports to have the ability to prove all their theorems scientifically….while conveniently overlooking when science seriously debated how many angels could take up space on the head of a pin….of course, in science, whenever a scientific theorem proves to have been false, science simply shrugs 'n disavows it as a mistake….sort'a like a politician doesn't really lie but does misspeak once't in a rare while….

Now you might think that since I obviously am not a secularist, why then I must of necessity be a literalist….not so!  I reject out of hand the hypothesis that I must be either one or the other…I am a confirmed 'n devout fence-straddler 'n from my lofty position, I c'n state most emphatically that the grass is pretty much the same shade of green on both sides…

Now, in regards to the question of Creation versus Evolution, it's my belief that the story of Creation is a really good way of explaining the world to children; 'n Evolution seems t'be a pretty good way of explaining the same world to rebellious teenagers…('n yeah, all teenagers rebell, it's in the dna 'n the ones who don't seem t'be rebelling are just acting for the fun of keeping their parents fooled)...

You might think that at my advanced age, I would have a clue to an adult version of how everything came t'be but I guess I'm just not adult enough tho' I am working on it, or at it, whichever you prefer….

I wuz talking with a friend of mine t'other day who just got a new knee 'n she's working  up  to getting a new hip t'go with it…She told me she wuz getting old….I haven't seen her in a few decades so I find that hard to believe cuz when I picture her in my mind, she still looks as she did in her teens…

Mem'ries are a wonderful thing t'have whether they're real or fictional...

Green bananas....

Once't upon a time…

"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today."  Mark Twain

We do live in innarestin' times, don't we?  I mean, we got ourselves a whole bunch of global warming…(if you don't believe that, what we got is some really hot weather)…I figure when Al Gore wudn't really able to take credit for inventing the internet is when he came up with the global warming thing…'n you got to admit, it  worked for him….reports are that he's made over a hundred million dollars out of it to date…he's done better with global warming than his daddy did with tobacco 'n being a big-shot politico from Tennessee, Gore Sr. made a lot of money off the tobacco lobby….

Along with the weather, we got ourselves the most innarestin' political season in my lifetime…probably ain't seen one this obstreperous since 1860 'n according to the history books, that one didn't really end well….my good neighbor sez he's so disgusted with all of 'em that  he don't know if he'll bother to vote at all…I reminded  him that he needed to vote 'No' on all the tax increases that Gov. Moonbeam wants to lay on us…

'Course, Gov. Moonbeam is just being a Democrat (never met a tax they didn't like)…not sure why anyone would vote to raise their own taxes but if Moonbeam don't get to raise 'em, he'll just pull an Obama 'n levy fees, in which case, he'll be able to claim that he didn't raise taxes...

Guv'mint, y'just gotta love it…t'ain't like they ever do a better job with other peoples money…I don't expect any of us pay a lot of attention to a budget if we were spending other peoples money...

'Course, they don't want to tax us 'poor' people, they just want the rich people to pay their 'fair' share…'n it never seems to seep into their collective consciousness that rich people got enough money to hire really smart lawyers so that they never never have to  pay their fair share…

'N the almost rich…well, they tend to pack up 'n move to a state that don't tax 'em so much…(think Arizona, Texas, Florida…actually, most of the sunbelt states... 'Course, they might as well move there since they already moved most of their business' there anyways…..

Obama says Gore didn't invent the internet…he claims the government (whoever that is or was) invented it…

I gotta say this about the internet…it is just plum' chockfull of news…all around the world…'course, you don't always know whether it's true or not 'n you can't verify it by what you see on television…or, for that matter, what you read in the newspapers…

Will Rogers, who claimed that he only knew what he read in the newspapers 'ud be in deep doo-doo today…

We got tsunamis 'n civil wars 'n individual acts of terrorism all around the world 'til it seems for sure that the inmates have taken over this asylum, this blue planet spinning in space….

Oceans are rising 'n mountains are falling 'n this old earth is spinning on it's axis 'n seems like whatever happens today is gonna be topped by something unimaginable that's gonna come down the pike tomorrow….

You just never know when it comes to buying green bananas so you might want to err on the side of caution....

"So when it's raining, have no regrets, it isn't raining rain, y'know, it's raining violets…"

This is from one of the other Smith brothers...

As you may or may not know, I'm the eldest of four brothers...I comment on lots of things in this blog...mostly pretty mundane stuff about life in the village of Ol Fair Oaks...

Once't in a while, howsumever, I tend t'get on my soapbox (I conveniently carry one with me p'ert near all the time) 'n rant about stuff that's happening in the real world...

The rant that follows herein is not one of mine but rather that of brother #3 who posted it on facebook...

I hope you enjoy it....Justin Other Smith

James Smith

Barack Obama and The White Whale

Barack Obama sees himself as Captain Ahab and our Country not as Ahab's ship, the Pequod, but as Moby Dick, the White Whale, which to Ahab, as to Obama, is the great Evil. If he has convinced you that the USA is the great Evil, then vote for him. But if you see the USA as, perhaps imperfect, but still the greatest nation ever conceived on this earth, please use your vote to remove him from the helm of our great Ship of State. Obama and his wife have no great love for our Country. Much like Ahab sees Moby Dick, they see social injustice as the “fundamental” evil; not an imperfection, but a pervasive evil that must be destroyed. Understandable on their part? Perhaps. However, Obama is supposed to be everyone's President. How about the millions of Americans who see our Country not as evil, but magnificent? Imperfect, no doubt, but still the brightest beacon for those individuals seeking “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Today, with all the social programs that are in place and the availability of educational tools, there is opportunity for everyone. Like fruit on the trees or veggies in the garden, just get off your ass and go pick it and be on your way. Is it easy? No! But the harder you work, the greater your reward. Barack Obama is willing to destroy our Country economically in order to establish his idea of social justice. Paraphrasing the girl on a TV commercial: Obama is what I like to call, WRONG! I've lived a long time in this country and I don't feel put upon at all. I've never made a great deal of money, nor did my father, but I managed to get a decent education, earn a fair living and serve my country. I bet all of you came from similar backgrounds. I don't know what you call poor. My family didn't have much. I suppose some folks would probably say that we were “poor”, but I never felt “poor”. The poor in this country today aren't poor because of social injustice. They're poor for other reasons: breakdown of the family unit, character flaws leading to drug addiction and alcoholism which lead to mental deficiency, the willingness to let others pay life's tab. Many are just plain no good! Face it. It happens. Not every human being is worth saving. In this country, today, the poor are poor mainly because of irresponsible human behavior. Stop listening to Barack Obama trying to convince us that we and our ancestors built an evil country. Be proud of traditional America. Our fathers and their fathers before them help build a great country. If Barack and Michelle Obama don't like this country, then tell them to take their ill begotten Presidential pension and go someplace more to their liking. Socialist Europe should suit them fine!

"All things being equal....."

"Why O why O why O did I ever leave Ohio..."

At least, Ohio had the good sense to elect a Republican governor, John Kasich, who is trying to pull Ohio out of the doldrums.  Whether he'll succeed or not is anybodys guess but that rust-belt state has been stagnant for many years.  At one time, they were a manufacturing powerhouse with busy factories throughout the state but, that was once upon a time, a long, long time ago.  

I'm not blaming Democrats for Ohio slipping into the doldrums.  The Republicans either, for that matter.  There were a lot of reasons why Ohio 'n Michigan 'n other manufacturing states collapsed and government certainly played a major role.+

Given the state of the California economy, one must wonder why the voters keep electing Democrats.  Our Democrat controlled legislature has a lower approval rating than the US congress.  

Our retread Governor, Jerry 'Moonbeam' Brown seems to believe that his vision of a high-speed rail system will secure his place in history no matter that it was his lack of vision that led to our decaying highway system that was once the model for the rest of the nation.  

Of course, high-speed rail will allow people to get from Fresno to Bakersfield and back again in record time.  At least, for those who can afford it.  And for those few souls that might actually want to accomplish such a thing.

And of course, don't let us forget our wonderful Democrat legislature that gave out raises to their staff before voting for a 'temporary' freeze on government raises while simultaneously cutting pay and positions for those state workers who actually do the work of keeping the state running.

We must keep looking forward to our wonderful 'green' energy that the Democratic legislature has brought California; the wind farms and the solar grids that have provided us all with cheap energy and dozens of jobs while driving up the cost of those dirty fuels like gasoline that has brought so much harm to our beautiful environment.

We shouldn't ever forget to be grateful to a legislature that has taxed those greedy one percenters to the point that they have left our wonderful state to live in exile in the hinterlands of Texas and Arizona and Florida.  After all, why should we be forced to work to make them even richer than they already are since they only got that way by taking unfair advantage of a rotten capitalistic system that exploits the rest of us.

All things being equal, George Orwell was probably right when he stated that "some animals are more equal than others."

N-somnya......

I know you've heard that getting old ain't for wusses but that ain't the half of it…as you know, well, if you've read this blog a couple times, you know that we have two dogs…

Willie 'n Rusty the Ol Poodle Dogger, 'n that I walk 'em a couple times a day…normally once 'round 'n about Plaza Park 'n the 2nd time, up 'n down Crestline…gotta keep an eye on the chickens 'n cats 'n skunks 'n whatever other assorted critters we might run into on any given day…it ain't the most exciting life in the world but a body has to play the hand that's been dealt….

Well, me 'n my big mouth got me the added chore of dogsitting two eener-weener dogs 'n I found out that walking four dogs at the same time might be okay for a professional dogwalker (I use'ta tell my drivers that if they cudn't drive while drinking a cup of coffee, eating a sandwich 'n talk on the radio at the same time, they had no right to call themselves professionals)…I expect professional dogwalkers can handle multiple dogs whilst balancing a number of other chores also but I can't….'n after my first semi-disastrous attempt, I ain't gonna do it again…either!

So, what I do is, I walk two of 'em at a time which works out find for them but doubles my walk….two trips around the park 'n then, in the evening, two trips up 'n down Crestline…now Rusty 'n Willie know pretty much where they're going 'n what the real purpose of the trip is…we may get a little sidetracked now 'n then but, basically, we manage to keep things in perspective….

The two weener dogs howsumever, are a different story altogether….'cause on Crestline, we got chickens 'n pigeons 'n cats of different colours…we also got skunks tho' thanks to the Ol Skunk Wrangler, not near as many as there were a while ago…still, the scent lingers 'n the metrognomic duo find it fascinating….you might even say, riveting….'n weener dogs, when they dig in 'n pull seem to at least double their weight…..I don't know how they do that…some kind of doggy secret, I suppoze, that we humans ain't to understand…

There's a lot of otherworld secrets that we humans ain't really privy to altho' mostly we don't know that until 'n unless we get old enuff to figure out that we really ain't the 

be-all 'n everything that we think we are….y'know, that Master of our fate 'n Captain of our soul thing, the King of the universe…I expect, if we could ever learn to really communicate with some of the other species that we share this little planet with, we'd find that they are probably afflicted with the same curse….

Ah well, it's getting into the wee hours here…I've had my milk 'n cookies so I think I'll give the bed another try….'n quoting Red Skelton, 'G'nite 'n God bless!" 

Ah, the olde Delta breeze.....

Sort'a, almost, something like a morning in early Spring…but, it's July…'n the State Fair is operational….Will Rogers once 'n somewhat famously stated that 'everybody talks about the weather but no one does anything about it.'…I think he probably stole that line from Mark Twain 'n I ain't got the slightest idea who Mr. Clemens might'a stole it from…

Anyway, we got ourselves some aw'fly strange weather in the good Ole US of A this year what with droughts 'n floods 'n waves of heat 'n lots of smoke from forest fires obscuring the purple mountains majesties…

And we got the most knock-down, spit in your eye, get up 'n fight, you yellow-bellied cowardly SOB politicians that I've ever seen in my 75 years…all the ass-kissing, back-biting, lying, cheating, spit-drooling schoolyard bullies that ever existed from the muddy streets of Beattyville to the supercilious snobs of those moldy brick walls of Hah'vaad…

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black... 

Satiday 'n I wuz sleepin' so gooooood....

The little weener dogs got me up this fine morning (Kudo's to the Delta Breeze) in a lather to get outside…I hooked 'em up 'n we proceeded in their characteristic mad rush to the south forty….These boyz (Koki 'n Kai 'n I'm not the one to credit for their names) have been coming even more unglued than their normal unglued selves over every chicken 'n pigeon on Crestline, but running as amok as they could whiled tethered to long leash lines, they failed to notice the stately young buck that had evidently been napping under the oak tree…He sprang to his feet ready to ride 'n spread the alarum, but then he stood stock-still 'n stared, an effect the weener dogs seem to have on many of the people we meet on our strolls….

'course, on our strolls,we've presented quite a sight, I imagine, Millyrose 'n m'self, trailing behind the surging weener dogs 'n wand'ring Willie 'n a somewhat bemused Old Poodle Dogger…it's said that 'everybody loves a parade' but still, a body has to wonder if the attendees are laughing with us or at us….I'm just saying'….

"Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea and froliced in the Autumn mist,in a land called Hana Lee..."  Peter, Paul 'n Mary

High times on Crestline this weekend….Nabor Douglas, approaching his seventh decade, has chosen a new avocation…to wit; that of neighborhood skunk trapper extraordinary….

Saturday eve, he trapped his first skunk 'n transported it to the riverbank…then he returned home 'n did it again…emboldened by his first-ever successes, he set the trap again 'n went off to bed….

He awoke this morning to find the trap open 'n moved thirty-some feet from where he had so carefully placed it the evening before…he is determined to try again to duplicate his success of Saturday evening but has vowed never again to set the trap 'n leave it overnite….I told him he wuz a braver man than Gunga Din but, since he's only approaching his seventh decade, the joke fell a little flat…

He wuz visited t'other night by an unknown critter…why he wuz patrolling his fiefdom with a flashlight at the witching hour is his own bidness 'n I ain't gonna question him about it…anyway, his description of his nocturnal visitor suggested that it might'a been a ferret….Raccoons, opossums 'n the occasional coyote are not unusual…I suspect that we're probably visited once't in a while by foxes 'n bobcats also but, give the Devil his due, foxes 'n bobcats are sly critters 'n seldom seen when they come calling….

Ferrets are also sly critters and illegal in California but the term 'illegal' has fallen into such disrepute in California that most liberals 'n independents ('n even some conservatives) routinely ignore anything so described….maybe one day, we'll all be Libertarian Anarchists…not sure what the gun lobby could or would make out of that…

So, somebody in our(?) Legislature wants us to become a 'Sanctuary State' for illegal aliens…not too big of a stretch, I guess,  to becoming a sanctuary state for all things illegal…I could name a few but I claim wisdom is the better part of valor (fancy phrase for cowardice)…

And on a political note:  Some of my liberal friends have taken up asking me, "What's Romney's plan?"  or "What is the Republican plan?"….I don't think it has ever occurred to them that after more than three years of the Obama Presidency, he has yet to offer any solution other than to spend money that we don't have on things we don't need which, by any yardstick, is the classic route to bankruptcy….I think maybe Barry spent too much time with Puff the Magic Dragon back in his salad daze….

A passing daze....

On this fourth day of July, 2012…

I wuz just recalling the 4th of July celebrations of my own Daze of Yore…well, mine 'n quite a  few others back in those 'good ol days' when the celebration started a couple weeks before the actual 4th 'n ackshully only gave out when the last of the firecrackers gave out….the lazy, hazy, crazy days of Doughboy firecrackers (doubt that 1 in 10 even know what a Doughboy was 'n, No, the term didn 't originate with Pillsbury)…Doughboy firecrackers were the most popular back then…they were cheap (relatively speaking) 'n powerful enough to blow off fingers (which, according to the news of the day, happened to myriad careless boys every year)…for the young, there were real sparklers that were capable of starting fires 'n responsible for a lot of burned fingers…the real piece de resistance, howsumever, were the Roman Candles…they fired a ball of fire (I disremember just how many fireballs per candle) 'n I can't recall the range but Roman Candle wars could make for an exciting evening 'n since we didn't have a firehouse around every other corner back in those halcyon daze of yore, it wuz in the realm of possibility that you could take out a house…'n since the little village known as Beattyville didn't have running water, there wuz no such thing as a hose brigade standing by to dampen the spirits of the young (also older) hooligans who thoughtlessly fired their Roman Candles into the nite air without knowing or caring where they might land…I don't recall any houses burning down 'n tho' my mem'ry is fairly good (I think) I don't remember any of my friends losing any fingers tho' there were a substantial number of buttered hands around that p'ticklar time of summer….

I do know that we were all proud Americans back then, one country, indivisible, with liberty 'n justice for all…that's a sentiment that a lot of people t'day think is just hokey…Cynicism seems t'be the thing t'day 'n seems like 'our country' is more divided than ever…

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view 'n which should be true 'n appropriate in all times 'n situations.  They presented him with the words, "And this, too, shall pass away." 

Longest night ever....

Last nite wuz s'pozed t'be the longest nite ever…well, in a manner of speaking anyway since in order to keep the clocks straight with scientific thought, the boyo's in charge of time added a second…it wudn't just a willy-nilly thing howsumever, being done deliberately 'n only after some severe scientific head-scratching…

Don't seem to have made a whit of difference to the Fair Oaks roosters as they're doing their bestest to wake up the sun this otherwise quiet Sunday morn…..I s'pect Ol Sol may be sleeping in a little bit this morning 'cuz he's been working overtime in the mid-section of the USA breaking records all over the place like there may not be a tomorrow…

Wonder if the Mayans were right after all 'n the world is gonna end on a somewhat sour note this summer?? If it is, I don't think we should tell the Iranians who appear to be a couple thousand years behind the Christian calendar…gotta wonder, if the world does end 'n nobody tells the mid-east, will anyone there notice? Or know the difference?  At least, until their cash registers go all silent with the noise of nobody buying their oil….

Haven't heard anything out of Joe Biden for awhile…brother John sez that July is the month that Joe the Mouth will come up with an excuse why he won't be able to continue as Vice President so's to make way for Hilary to get on the ticket with His Wilieness, Baroque Obama…'course if the Democrats really want to get creative (oxymoron?) they could run Hilary for Prez 'n Obama for Vice…just saying'……